Thursday, October 9, 2014

Going Down

I haven't blogged much lately because I've been studying for an important test I need to pass to be eligible for a promotion at work. It's a test to see how much I know how to lead others and manage resources. I failed... Twice.

The problem is, I think my answers are right. I cannot comprehend what I did wrong. Obviously, I'm too stupid to be a manager. This failure got me thinking about me. About how I've always failed at what I wanted to do with my life. Simply because I am not smart enough or talented enough to figure out how to pass. Yes, I'm very hard on myself, but it's because I care about everything I do. It seems I'll never be who I want to be no matter how much I seem to care.

When I was younger I wanted to be an artist. Looking back at my art and the excused I used when I quit drawing, I see I just sucked at art and it wasn't the fault of my blunt art teacher telling me my drawings sucked. I truly sucked at drawing.

I look at my 10 year old son's drawings and see a lot of myself in him. He sucks at drawing too, but I keep cheering him on not wanting to tell him he'll never be an artist. I tell him how to succeed, but like myself, he just is too lazy to practice at it enough to become good. He'd rather play video games or watch YouTube about video games. Like his dad.

A little bit later in life I wanted to work for NASA doing NASA stuff. Mainly, I wanted to stare at shit in the sky and get paid for it. I quickly learned you had to be smart for that and I would rather play Super Mario Bros on NES.

At about the same age as myself, my oldest son wanted to be a paleontologist. Lucky for him he learned quicker than I did and sat down in front of the PlayStation 3. As a high schooler, he has 0 aspirations to do anything except play games. Great dad I'm becoming.

I understand we all make our own choices and you have either the Victor or Victim mentality. For years I was a victim and I blamed my choices on everything except the real problem, myself. Looking at my past blog posts and social media writings I can see how much of a victim I saw myself as. Even now I feel like video games are my downfall. The hard truth I have to accept is, it is my own damn fault. I choose to play video games when I could've studied more for my test. Yes I studied a shitload for the test, but 52 hours spent playing Destiny, 100+ hours playing WoW, 50 hours in Wildstar, 50 in ESO, Warframe, ArcheAge, Firefall, ect ect ect...  Over 400 hours I spent playing games the past year I could of I used studying more.

I understand it's nice to take a break and relax, but I probably spent 40 to 1 playing games I stead of studying. If this promotion was so important, then why didn't I manage my time better? That's right, the test was on management and I failed it. Obvious things are obvious. Not to mention the countless hours on social media just being a total asshat to get attention when I could've be studying more.

I'd like to talk myself I'm going to change, but I really don't want to. I'd rather fuck off for the rest if my life getting paid for exactly what I deserve for my effort. Whatever makes me happy right? Too bad it doesn't make me happy that's why I completely play games like a drug to escape my failures. It seems like a catch 22, because I know I'm too stupid and lazy to do anything that would make me happy. Might as well ignore it and play more games.

What's funny in all this is this blog post. I've been told by a lot of people I'm a good writer. I wanted to be a writer at one time. I thought making a blog would help me do that, but over the past 6 years doing it I've discovered I'll never be one. I'm just too lazy for it. That and I misunderstood what I actually wanted out of a blog. I thought I would get feedback on my writing to help me become better at it. What I found was, nobody wants to read what I want to write. People just want to read drama and hate. Gamergate is the perfect example.

For over a month now this massive bitching about gamers and journalists have been going on. It's really pointless. Most gamers are middle to lower class, have an addiction, sees themselves as victims, and starves for attention. The game journalists are exactly the same. Gamergate might as well punch itself in the nuts every morning when it gets out of bed for all the good it's doing the community. Everyone just needs to realize exactly what I realized: you are all lazy, stupid, average, attention whores, addicted to games, and you'll never be what you dream of being because to always point the finger at others and not at yourself. All this gaming arguing is not doing anything, but proving we are all idiots. I am including myself in this because I know I'm no better.

In conclusion, this post is pointless. I'm going to go play a game now, so I can forget I will never be what I want to be.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Dear Samsung

Dear Samsung,

I preordered your Galaxy Note 4 and I’m having a difficult time waiting until October 17th. As I comb the internet, I see lots of famous Android websites with hands-on impressions. I feel sad I haven’t had the pleasure of caressing the new Note 4. What is even worse, I’ve been kicked out of my local Best Buy for hugging the Galaxy Note 3 and crying on the big, beautiful screen. My left ventricle is palpitating with sadness!

As a crazy consumer of electronics, I think I qualify for an early hands-on preview, but I understand I’m a nobody and it would not help your company’s public relations one bit. I understand there are millions, if not billions of people, that would love to touch a Galaxy Note 4 early. I understand it is only 16 days away and I could, theoretically, wait that long. Unfortunately, I could get hit by a bus in my living room at any time. Buses have been known to crash through houses randomly. Because my life depends on touching a Galaxy Note, I want to tell you a bit about myself to plead my case.
I grew up in the backwoods of New Hampshire. At times I had to hunt wild squirrels for dinner and use their fur to knit blankets to keep warm in the harsh winters. Back in those days there was no cable TV and I only owned a 13 inch black and white TV. I stayed up late at night just to watch Benny Hill or Jonny Carson. On Saturdays I watched Saturday Night Live on my tiny TV. I don’t even think Samsung was a company back then, but I still wanted a Galaxy Note 4. I could feel it in my young bones calling for me.

As I grew up and popped out 3 babies, I needed the best electronics to keep my sanity. I needed them! Over the years I’ve become a faithful costumer of Samsung. Currently I own a Samsung 59 inch plasma TV, a 22 inch Samsung monitor, a Samsung SSD, and a pair of sweat pants I wrote SAMSUNG on the butt in permanent marker. I even named my youngest child Sam after you. Shoot, I even named my 2 cats Sam and Sung. I tried to tattoo my wife’s butt with the word Samsung, because I can watch her ass all day long, but she wouldn’t let me. You see, I’m your number 1 fanatic!

Sadly, I know your company has nothing to gain from me previewing your product. Currently my Nexus 5 is broken and it is hard to write this post. If you didn’t know, I have been writing blog posts for 6 years from a mobile phone. I first started with the iPhone 1 when it first came out and only recently I moved to an Android device to write my posts. I now know I should’ve bought the Galaxy Note 3 last year instead of the Nexus 5. I would be writing this on it and praising your glory from a Note 3. Hindsight is 60/40 I guess.

Shoot, I would love to have a Note 3 while I waited for my 4! Imagine how fanatical I would be then? Why bother though, you have my love and last born child already.
At this point in my post I’m feeling anger. It is part of the grieving process and I can fully accept that. Why am I nobody to you? I’ve spent trillions of dollars (with the current emotional state I’m in I might exaggerate a wee bit) on your company and billions of hours thinking about how my life would of turned out if I just bought a Galaxy Note 3. All my friends told me to buy it, but I had to have the new hotness Google released. I’m so angry with myself now! I feel like throwing my Nexus to the Moon! Only if I bought that Note 3 my life wouldn’t be in such a discombobulated state. I’m starting to regret marrying my first wife now. Actually, I kind of do anyways. She’s a nice person and all and now that she is older she is not so pretty. I feel a bit better about getting a divorce now. Time hasn’t been good to her. I bet the Galaxy Note 3 is still as beautiful as the first day it came off the assembly line.

Part of my grieving process, I feel better now. I feel like I can go on even with this whole in my soul the size of a Note 3 or 4. As I wrap up my love letter to you I would like you to think about me, the little consumer blogger. I want you to send this to your boss in tears pleading my case. I want you to tell him/her how moved you were when you read this and how I could make your company sand out among the other phone companies. How your company has the heart to lend the little guy a Note 3 or 4 so he can praise you on the social networks. No other company would do this for the little blogger man. You would stand out and receive millions more love letters from desperate bloggers trying to make a name for themselves in such a cruel world. I can be your first.

I know it seems like I just have my grubby hands out looking for a freebie, but I’m not. I just want to borrow the Note 3 or 4 while I wait to pay for my 4 on October 17th. I want to show the world Samsung is the best phone company. All those other companies are heartless pigs, but Samsung is different! They love the little guy like me. It’s the holy thing to do in such depressing times.

So go now and show the bosses this post. Show them and DM me on Twitter! I’ll gladly give you my info and cats Sam and Sung. I love you Samsung!

Remember, when you go to bed at night holding your Note 3. As you put your Note on silent, tuck it in, and fluff its pillow, know I’m writing this on a Nexus 5 crying the whole time. Know I could contract Ebola and die before October 17th because I didn’t write this on a Note 3 or 4. I’m starting to feel faint now…/cough /cough /gasp…

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

5 Reasons Why World of Warcraft is The Best Game Ever Made.

I'm truly sick of people not playing WoW. I hate it when people get excited over the loss of subscribers. The only reason they hate it is because it is the best. It is the same exact reason why they hate rich people. I bet if you talk to a WoW hater, ask them what they think of Bill Gates, they'll rabidly hate him too. I'm sorry to tell you, but Bill Gates is rich because he is awesome and doesn't hate shit like a stupid poo poo head like you. You might want to take a look at your hateful life and acknowledge it's your own damn fault. Stop blaming others for your laziness and lack of taste for great video games.

Popularity breeds envy and jealousy, us smart people know this. Things are popular because they're the best. There had never been anything in history that was popular that didn't change the world. At the top of the list of things that has changed humanity is World of Warcraft. The last decade will go down in history has the decade we all said,  WoW!

Here are the top 5 things that makes WoW worthy of the history books and why it is the best game ever made. It's also, a list that proves people hate WoW because it's more important than their own lives.

5. 12 billion people have played it: Out of the 6 billion people on Earth, 12 billion have played WoW. That's right, that is 200% of the Earth's population that has played the game. How is that possible you might ask? Easy, let me explain for you dumber people. 50% of the world has tried WoW. 32% of those people own 4 accounts under aliases. 13% are registered as cat or dogs. 4% of the accounts are exotic animals. 21% of those accounts are dead people and some have been dead since the 1800's. 5% are account from people that don't even know they have an account and 95% of the active accounts are played daily by normal people. That only leaves an unknown percentage that are undecided.

4. In 2010 drug dealers were giving away free copies of WoW with every purchase of and illegal drug over an ounce: To me that proves WoW is the most popular game ever. If your drug dealer is willing to give away free copies, the game has to be the best game ever made. Also, 2010 marked the peak in WoW subscriptions and marked the worst time for reading Trade Chat. Why do you think [Anal]  chat became so popular during this time? That's right, prison folk were playing WoW. A little bit of Anal fun goes a long way in prison.

3. Dictionary changes were made because of WoW: As a direct influence of WoW, all dictionaries were changed to include the words- pwned, noob, newbie, nerfed, WoW, Tobold, ganked, and sammich. These words are used daily since 2004 and are now popular in other games that suck. These words would've never been thought of without the coming of WoW.

2. Prime Time TV: WoW is mentioned more on prime time TV than any other game ever made. Not only that, WoW has been featured in 100's of movies since it's coming. Once you make it to prime time and the big screen, you're considered more popular than Jesus. That leads me to number 1.

1. A WoW religion: In 2012 the first official World of Warcraft church was opened. The church is located in Westboro Kansas across the street from the Baptist Church. Services are held every Tuesday during realm maintenance time, as not to interfere with game time. Special services are held during rollback and hotfixes to pray for forgiveness.

In the Church of Warcraft or CoW, all walks of life and after life are welcome. The church is divided into 2 wings, Horde and Alliance. Staff are equipped with tazzers just in case someone gets too faction pridey. Please leave all weapons at home and Pandas are still not allowed at this time. Sorry, but there is no place for those animals in the CoW church. In the basement they named,  The CoW level, a buffet of goodies are served after the service. Extra loot bags are on sale just in case you want to take more than you can carry home. The CoW church is a profit only organization dedicated to building bigger communities even if nobody likes each other.

You see, WoW has proven itself to being the best game ever made. Again, the only reason people don't play it is because they hate the idea they might like something popular. They need to get rid of their rebel behavior and accept the fact WoW is amazing. You need to see a therapist and ask him/her what the hell is the matter with you. You need to stop bucking "The Man"  and play the best game ever made. I'm sorry, but you're just lamesauce (which was also added to the dictionary thanks to WoW).

Thursday, August 28, 2014

The Extinction of Empathy

The other day we heard about the president of Carbine Studios, Jeremy Gaffney stepping down. We all know Carbine just released the subscription based MMORPG Wildstar. Jeremy has been fighting a deadly skin cancer for a long time. His family has had several members die of cancer. To help Wildstar release smoothly, Gaffney sacrificed himself for the game, company, fans, and his own personal reasons I can't understand. He helped keep continuity in the company during its most difficult time knowing that sacrifice could kill him. After the game released and it had several updates, he finally had time to take a breath and look at his own life. He stepped down to live another day.

Some of the gaming community saw this as the death of Wildstar. They "knew"  this was going to happen and they "know"  the next step for the game, death. Possibly the game is doing bad. Maybe, one of the reasons he stepped down was because of the stress of the game failing. No matter what the all his reasons were, he has cancer. He has a deadly disease that could kill him. For the rest of his life he has to try to live longer in fear of cancer. Fuck the game! His life is more important than a game. He is a living breathing human that had the compassion enough to chip away at his life day by day to produce a fun game for the world. Unfortunately, some people lack the empathy to realize his sacrifice. It's sad.

This is nothing new though. The lack of empathy in some is the cancer of humanity and the Internet is the harmful UV rays magnifying it. It's always been there, it's just mutating the rest of us faster and faster until we all die inside. It's spreading fast and we're not getting treatment for it. What can we do though? Am I going to try to cure the lack of empathy in the world? I don't know how and it's too bad for me to do it. Like Jeremy, I'm not going to give up fighting for what is right. I will not let humanity's cancer kill me. I've fought this my whole life and I'm not going to stop now. I'll tell you my story no matter how personal it is, I need to help others understand why I have unwavering empathy.

I grew up with the blood of other people on my hands. I don't know how many times my fist smashed into another kids face. I don't know how many kids I kicked in the gut with anger. I was constantly at war growing up because my mother was a lesbian. Nowadays gay people are more accepted, but back in the 70's and 80's it was not. Luckily, genetically I'm not to be fucked with. Not to mention my father grew up in Brooklyn in the 50's. A white boy in Brooklyn had to fight to survive.

After awhile, word got around I wasn't an easy target and it probably wasn't a good idea to pick on me. By 9th grade I didn't have to fight anymore. Well accept smashing a yard stick over another kid's face in English class when I was in 10th grade. The main reason I fought so much was the lack of empathy kids had towards my family. Their church going family couldn't fathom a sinning, happy family. Even though we tried to go to church and we're asked to leave, we still held tightly on the teachings of the Bible. We knew the real meaning was empathy, compassion, and live towards all living things.

The sad thing is, we kill each other over the same thing written by someone else. The Bible, the Tanakh, the Quran, the Pali Canon or Chinese Tripitaka, are all books teaching  people religion to teach them how to be compassionate, loving, and how to be empathetic towards others. They're all connected, but still we kill over their words. We have lost their meaning for our own pride and our own ideas. We constantly strive to be the right ones and force others to believe what we believe or we will burn in hell. My mother is going to burn in hell from the hate of what people think the Bible tells them. It tells them to judge, force, kill, rule, and spread like a cancer until we are all dead to live happy the way we want to.

Over the years I've been proven wrong. I've fought with "Bible bashers"  over living life happy in the words of God. I'm done fighting because I accept theirs and my own lack of empathy. I grew up fighting to save my mother from hell so when she dies and I die, we can be together as a family. I've chosen to go to hell with her because I love her. I've chosen to listen to what people say and have empathy and compassion for them. I radiate love to strangers in hope I can push back the disease that's spreading through humanity.

We've lost the true meaning of what it is to live life happy and understand why other people feel the way they do. Just look at Ferguson Missouri. A black boy was shot by a police officer and his body sat rotting in the sun for 4 hours while the people protecting and serving the community thinking they were doing the right thing by the law, lost their compassion and were blind as to doing the right thing as a loving human. What if it was their boy laying dead on the pavement? The police believed they were doing the right thing based on their Bible of laws. They still do. We've all forgotten how to do the right thing without laws or God telling us what to do.

No matter how or why, humans were given empathy, compassion, love, self awareness, egos, and a way to over think every damn thing. Sooner or later we're going to kill ourselves and become extinct like the other animals we killed off over the years doing what we thought was right.

Yesterday when I ranted about this I wanted to do something I have no idea how to do or start. How do I instill empathy into other people? How do I cure this cancer that is spreading? They say, "do not feed the trolls". That is correct you don't want to help the disease spread, but we need to cure it because it spreads no matter what. I was told,  "you first". Like growing up, I'm not afraid to get blood on my hands. I don't want to beat the shit out of anybody, but when it comes to doing what's right, I will stand my ground and fight.

This probably won't change anything, but I have to try. I'm sick of seeing people say horrible things. "Well, don't read it!"  Yeah, I could lock myself in the closet like my mother had to do for 30 years, but that will only hurt me by being ignorant. I need to read about things like Robin Williams' death even though some of the comments on articles seam like they came from robotic serial killers. I man devoted his life to making people laugh and sacrificed his own happiness by bottling up his depression until it killed him. He knew their was no hope in making people laugh anymore. We judge people with depression, anxiety, or mental illness like evil sinners. We lock them in the closet like the gays until they die. All because it's too hard to have a little empathy.

I will fight this hate not based on a book written thousands of years ago, but with my own love and compassion. My common sense. Everyday I'm surrounded by hateful people hiding behind books preaching what is right. They openly say,  "gay people are like sterile cattle, you just need to put a bullet in their head and burn their bodies because the meat is worthless too. They're a waste of life with no purpose... Praise God Amen!"

I've heard this and had to put my hands in my pockets and think of where they were coming from. To me they were wrong. They misunderstand the teachings of the books. I have to think I'm wrong too. I have to accept I'm going to hell. I have to have empathy towards them even if I don't want to. I understand them and I don't hate them for thinking that way. It's hard on me, but I have to stand strong for what I think humanity should be like with these gifts we've been give.

In closing I want to say thank you to you all for reading this. I want to thank Jeremy Gaffney for staying strong and helping make Wildstar. I only wish the best for the game even though I've stopped playing it for now. I know it's hard to read those bad comments, but their are great people in the world that can help push humanities cancer back into remission. Please take the time to have a little empathy, compassion, and love towards others. That is the only cure.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Being an Amazing D&D Dungeon Master and Dominatrix

Its hard being a woman gamer and a dominating figure in the bedroom. Two things that go hand in hand are fantasy role playing games and role playing in the bedroom.

At first I thought of this as a funny sarcastic post, but the more and more I thought about it, it became a serious topic people should know about and explore. Both things complement each other greatly and could be invigorating for a woman or her partner. First I need to explain what a Dominatrix is to debunk any myths or childish misgivings.

By definition a Dominatrix is:

"A Dominatrix (plural Dominatrixes orDominatrices) or Mistress is a woman who takes the dominant role in bondagediscipline(in the sexual-fetish sense of the word) andsadomasochism, or BDSM.

The capitalization of the first letter of Dominatrix is a formal convention used to convey respect and authority, and common forms of address for a submissive to a Dominatrix are "Mistress", "Maîtresse", "Herrin", and "Lady".

A Dominatrix might be heterosexual,homosexual, or bisexual; but her orientation does not necessarily limit the genders of her submissive partners. The role of a Dominatrix may not even involve physical pain toward the submissive; her domination can be verbal, involving humiliating tasks, or servitude. A Dominatrix may be a paid professional ("pro-Domme"), or may use the title of Dominatrix in her personal sex life"

You see a Dominatrix is finely skilled in the art of the sexual fantasy world. At no point is a Dominatrix out to hurt her submissive beyond their desired limits. They need to be in tune with people and focused on their role at all times. If they loose sight of their role and not plan ahead, they could hurt someone or piss them off. This is exactly the role of a D&D Dungeon Master.

For starters, a highly skilled Dungeon Master is hard to come by and a woman DM is even rarer. As with the role of a Dominatrix, a DM needs to know when to hit their players hard, when to play softly and when to reward them for their efforts. No matter if they have a 20 sided dice or a riding crop, they need to focus on their sense of people awareness. Reading people by their body language makes an amazing DM and Dominatrix.

In my opinion, a woman is more sensitive to body language, hence why more females are sought after as a dominating figure in BDSM acts. Most people think only men do these "gross"  things because they have "issues". Right there is an ignorant way of thinking. How many people think women don't game? As we've seen with a recent poll, more and more adult women are gamers. Our society is slowly breaking out of the stereotypical family roles and giving people freedom to do what makes them happy. Understanding BDSM as a fun way of releasing stress or sexual desires is not a bad thing. It's only bad when the person in the dominating role is bad at it and ignorant of their role. That goes for anything we do in life not just role playing.

I'm not an expert on either of the subjects, I only had an idea. Yes, my idea started out childish, but the more and more I read about both roles I understood how great they both were and how much skill it takes to be great at them. Not only that,  but how a woman is normally seen in a submissive role, just a player. But when a woman takes charge, it can be an exhilarating experience for both role playing experiences. The key for any man or woman doing either is to forget about who they are and feel what the other people are feeling. Pay attention to them and lose yourself in their moment. That's they key to being in a dominant position.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Lizard Squad Hackers Could Face Death Penalty

Last night I watched Dredd, Robocop, and The Amazing Animal Planet all at the same time. It got me thinking (pause for audience to realize that will never happen) about a future with Lizard people and strict justice. I fear a squad of elite lizard hackers would be sentenced to death if they were caught. As funny as it seems, cutting the heads off lizards is cruel. You can chop their tails off, but luckily it will grow back, not their heads. Why would you even cut a lizard head off? What kind of sick bastard are you? Let me tell you a story about my childhood...

When I was a new teenager around 11 or 15, I was confronted by a machine with human skin on. Years earlier I told the cops my mother was nuts because she said she had sex with Marty McFly. Marty was from the past,  but the future of the past future. He warned her of the coming apocalypse. Then he tried to have sex with his own mother. It's very confusing, but bear with me on the rug of imagination.

This man told me he was a Timecop and he could stretch his legs flat out on moving vehicles. Only his nut sack held his legs from ripping in two. He sat me down and adjusted his droopy balls out of the way so he didn't crush them and said to me,  "Son, V has come.  Not V as in vendetta, but V as in lizard people gonna take over your vagina or vasectomy."

I just stared at him for hours wondering which one I had. I was dumbfounded and perplexed at the idea of having a vagina with a vasectomy. It all sounded interesting. Unfortunately, his plan wasn't to try it with me. First, he wanted to remove the skin from his arm and yell, "Number 5 is alive!"

I was getting a little antsy and felt number 2 coming to life.  I needed to know who he worked for and how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop, 1...2...3...flush!

In the news paper I read while taking a break I noticed the rise in lizard people sightings. I knew then we were all doomed if The Amazing Spiderman couldn't win the fight. Sadly in the second movie his girlfriend dies and he gets snot all over the inside of his mask. I wonder how often he washes that? I know he's superhuman, but everyday he must get spit condensation on on the inside of it. It's kind of gross.

Anyways, I talked to John at lengths last night at the airport. He told me about last Christmas and yelled, "Yippee Ki Yay motherfucker" several times in my ears. I don't think anybody told him about the lizard problems in his pool at home yet. When he gets home and notices Gizmo got out and fell in, he's going to be pissed.

The movie Hackers was stupid!

Warlords of Draenor's Fatal Flaw Could Lose WoW Millions of People!

Yesterday,I played WoW for several hours and revisited my past ideas about gaming in the future. That's when I remembered how Warlords of Draenor could be the end of gaming as we know it. How this expansion will be the nail in the MMO coffin. A coffin not laced with soft silk or leather that helps rotting flesh turn into gelatin ooze, but a coffin made of cold hard steel... Filled with maggots and your dead body laced in sugar. Your toes might even be dipped in chocolate sauce with popsicle sticks jammed in between your toe and toenails so the maggots can have dessert on a stick. That's how revolting WoD is.

Last night while I was asleep, I had an out of body experience. For several minutes I tried to whisper in my own ear to roll over to get off my pee boner. Not only was I crushing my penis, I was lowering my sperms count with the extra heat my man-hammer was producing. All that extra blood increases the area temperature exponentially. If my wife happened to trip and fall on my cock in the middle of the night I would only ejaculate empty life the first time. Only after icing my balls and waiting for the reservoirs to fill up again, could I fulfill the purpose of manhood properly.

I must have heard my mental pleas because my soulless body flipped over and my boner catapulted the cat off the bed. Don't worry, the pussy wasn't hurt. Without hesitation, my soul hesitated before leaving the bedroom. As I left the bedroom and headed towards the computer room, I had an a revelation or a moment of salvation. Maybe it was a slight fungus irritation. No matter what it was, I felt like I was in touch with all of creation. I knew then I could finally play WoD without speculation and reservation.

I slowly sat down at my spectral computer and started to play WoD for the first time ever. Quickly the game's largest flaw jumped out at me and scared a little pee out of my body in the other room. I stared at the screen for hours and hours trying to comprehend what I just saw. I was flabbergasted Blizzard would do such a thing. After 10 years of having a highly successful MMO they were going to ruin it all in less than a day after release.

To try to help Blizzard out of dooming themselves, I submitted a bug report with the title: "IMPORTANT! YOU'RE SERIOUSLY GOING TO FUCK UP YOUR GAME UP WITH THIS! YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME! ARE YOU LISTENING? THIS IS BATSHIT CRAZY!"

I waited hours or seconds to get a reply. Unfortunately, nothing came. My heart sunk and fake tears rolled down my imaginary cheeks. I knew then WoW is coming to an end. The apocalypse of gaming will come on November 13th 2014! I'm warning you all because I want you prepared. I need you to gather supplies now before it's too late. Don't forget the toilet paper and spiced rum. The second that rum hits your large intestines you're going to need that TP to catch the hot magma out your ass. Oh, and get hand sanitizer and air freshener spray.

My alarm went off and my soul slapped back in my body faster than the cat ran away from its late night penispulting. Without hesitation I wrote this blog post several hours later to warn you all. I'm warning you! When WoD releases you'll have to be ready. I suggest logging into WoW now and making a Horde character on Earthen Ring. After you do that, play with me! I'm a bit lonely and I would like company. Look up Scarybooster please. I love you!

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Blaugust 9th: Compact Penis

Sometimes it's hard...

In high school the locker room was a place of self-judgment. Everybody was worried about their own privates. Do I just have a compact penis? If they ask, I'm a grower not a shower. Should I pull on it a bit to make it look bigger? Maybe I should glance at the competition? Is that gay? What if I get a boner? Is it big enough? I'm sure women have the same self-esteem issues in the locker room. They compare breasts sizes and labia. Sometimes they soap each other up and giggle. I'm sure of it.

Even though we leave the locker room behind as we leave school, we never leave the self-esteem issues behind. We might not worry so much about our genitals as we grow older, but we still fret over being good enough. Social networks are always pitting us against each other to see who has the biggest epeen. As an MMO gamer and a social condor, I'm always flashing my balls to the Internet. Good thing I'm older and they droop a lot more. They're like a half full burlap sack of potatoes.

Games are my penis on the Internet. I always want my game of choice to be big enough and popular. I want others to look out of the corner of their eyes and admire my game. I want them to play it too. Together we can have a fun orgy playing a game I love. Trust me, I get all sweaty when I get on VOIP.

The problem is, I worry if nobody wants to play with me. I want to be surrounded by the varsity cheerleaders stroking my ego. When they start getting bored of my game of choice I worry I've become flaccid and blew my wad of fun. That's when I frantically start jerking around different games hoping to be pleasured once again. This is when I become creepy and start running after the cheerleaders stroking my ego yelling,  "play with me! Don't leave me! Watch me! I'm a grower, not a shower!"

Sooner or later I find myself all alone in the locker room with my dick in my hand and my towel on the floor. Nobody wants to play with me. I have a choice to either, play with myself or put some damn pants on and grow up like everybody else. Unfortunately, pants constrict the baby factory.  There's a time when we all need to leave the locker room and not care, even if we're feeling naked and insecure about ourselves. There is a time to move on and not worry what other people think of us. It's hard, but letting go a bit will open more opportunities to meet people without worrying about our penis.

... being an MMO gamer and social butterfly.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Blaugust 7th: I'm Special!

I never liked Final Fantasy. I bought FFXIV on a Steam sale. I played FFXIV for a week out of the 30 days and got to level 7. I didn't enjoy it. I was by myself. I felt lonely. I have cats. I want a dog.

Today I subscribed to FFXIV. I planned on subscribing to WoW. I don't know what happened. I don't want to play WoW. I feel I need to get my money's worth out of FFXIV. I'm going to try FFXIV. I'm not sure why. I like this blog post.

I think people think I'm nuts. I think you think I'm nuts. I'm not sure why I switch games. I still play DCUO. I still play Firefall. I still play with myself. I am special. I am a gamer.

I feel bad. I want to apologize. I feel crazy. I don't understand. I'm compulsive. I like games. I'm am adult. I love boobies. I can blog.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Blaugust 6th: Letting River Rest in Peace

Ever since River died I’ve been holding on to the things he loved most in his internet life. I’ve visited his blog weekly. I’ve thought about starting a character named after his character in Wow. I’ve thought of all kinds of ways to keep his memory alive. I don’t think he would appreciated it.

A couple weeks ago a co-worker died at work. He was as young as River and it was just as unexpected. As the days went on we told stories about him and there was a small memorial placed where he sat. Not being a big friend of the guy, I thought the memorial was a bit overkill and people needed to let go. Then, I thought about River and how I’ve been acting. I’m no better.

Recently, I thought about going back to WoW, actually I am going back to WoW because it won the poll. I thought it would be really cool to start a character in memory of River. No better than the silly memorial they have at work. Why would I play a game, River thought was fun for almost 10 years of his life just to ruin it by taking the fun out of the game? If I made a character named River I would have to look at the name every day I logged in and think about him being dead. I don’t think River would like that.  I need to play WoW for me and have the fun I want to. If I want to remember River properly, it should be by having fun. He is already immortalized in WoW by all the people he touched over a decade and all the people he pissed off. To me, that sounds a lot better. I truly can’t be the dick he was and love WoW as much as he did. I will play the game for me so I can have my own memories. There is no need for a memorial in his name.

That brings me to WoW and why I’m playing again. The poll showed WoW and Archeage tied in the end. I choose WoW because it is cheaper to get into and I know my time will be split between WoW, DCUO, and Warframe. Come September, I will be juggling Destiny. I’m not playing Wow because several of my other friends started playing again or because a new expansion is coming out; I’m playing it because it has always been a relaxing game to me. Every time I find myself floundering between MMOs, WoW is there to scratch the itch I’ve been having.

That doesn’t mean I’m done with other MMOs. I want to go back to Wildstar at some point, but right now I don’t have the “want to” feeling. I want to play DCUO and WoW right now. I thought I wanted to play FFXIV, but every time I want to play that game I remember how much I’d rather play WoW instead. Why play it if it’s just going to make me want to play WoW? Might as well get right to the roots and start there to watch my want grow. Of course sooner or later my want will die off and I’ll pollinate elsewhere.

The 10th Anniversary to WoW is coming and I’ve always said I want to be there for it because of the memories I have with the game. They are my memories and I wouldn’t want somebody posing as me to try to remember me in their own way. I would appreciate the thought, but play your own fucking game and have your own damn fun! This is your life enjoy it while you have it, because tomorrow you might not.

River would appreciate that more!

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Blaugust 5th: Crazy For You!

Every time I boot up Twitch I think about why I stream. Why am I doing this? Why would anybody watch me? What can I do to make my stream more interesting? How can I make my stream more professional looking? I don’t want to make money streaming or get millions of viewers, I just want people that watch me to really enjoy the entertainment I’m giving them.

As I wrote yesterday, I would like to stream a game of my readers’ choice for 30 days. I never required them to watch the stream or read my blog, just vote for the fun of it. I’m an MMO gamer and a lot of the fun in playing MMOs is interacting with people.  A lot of the bad crap that goes on is interacting with people too. You can half glass it however you see fit. I prefer the glass has liquid to drink. Depending on the people at that time, the liquid can taste great or be some nasty sewage.

I’m really enjoying Blaugust because it brings out the good in the community. Like Belghast said in his post today, it’s not about cramming in posts everyday just to win a contest; it’s about learning the joys of writing on a schedule. It’s personally rewarding for me to write and stream. I love them both because it gives me a chance to express myself in ways real life won’t allow. Well, it will allow if I want to be put in a loony bin. I like to entertain and have fun in different ways, Blaugust gives me the chance to find a way in my schedule to take more time out to do the things I love. Just like finding time every morning at 5am to work out, I need to find my perfect time to set aside time to work out my creative side. This community project is helping that. Not to mention I’m finding more and more blogs every day that I enjoy reading. I’ve even discovered blogs that didn’t do the NBI. That in itself makes Blaugust a success.

So what is my point in streaming a game I want you to vote on, but I don’t care if you watch? Streaming is a way I can verbally express myself and hone my speaking skills. I’m not a bad speaker, but I love practicing and expelling my thoughts in an open forum like streaming. I’ve had people leave my streaming channel disgusted I didn’t talk about serious matters while I’m streaming. My stream is fueled by games, but the power under the hood is my ramblings. Until people give me any type of feedback, I will always have brain diarrhea on my streams. My blog is the same way. You either love the way I do things or you hate it. I have several good blogging friends that do not read me because they do not like my style; I’m ok with that and I never hold it against them. I love that they are honest with me and can tell me they do not read me, but they like who I am as a person.

No matter what you should vote on the game I should play. It’s all in good fun even if you don’t give a crap.

Monday, August 4, 2014

Blaugust 4th: Faffing

Because Belghast invented Blaugust, I decided to use his word of choice when he just feels like random gaming. For the next 30 days I want my readers to decided what game I play and stream for 30 days. I slapped a poll up on my blog's side bar you can vote on. If you do not see an MMO on there that you want to see, just add it in the comments and I'll add it to the poll.

Right now I am enjoying playing DCUO and this week I start a new podcast with Sitting on a Couch & for Firefall. I love all MMOs and I love the MMO community, so I would like to play a game for fun people might be interested in. If I get enough people interested and liking my streams/posts, I might refresh the poll every month to shake things up. Of course to be fair, I will remove the last game played so I get a bit of variety.

 For the sake of a great community project like Blaugust, please take the time to vote in my poll. In 6 days I will start playing that game for you. I'll stream it and write blog posts about my adventures. It will also give me content for Blaugust. I really don't care what game I play because I know I'll have fun doing it. Thanks for your support and please watch and follow me at Twitch for my awesome streams.I swear, you will not watch another streamer like me.

Vote NOW!!!

PS... If you know anybody that does web or avatar art please contact me!

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Blaugust Day 2: Being Unpopular

This post is going to be short because it's hard for me to post on the weekends. I'm trying though to support a friend with his great idea. It's great doing great things even if it might not be the popular thing to do. It's never popular on the Internet to do something positive. It seems the Internet thrives on the popular and not what is right and what is fun. I've become one of the unpopular guys because I'm not playing the FoTM game. Even though I've been riding the adrenaline high of the speeding beta trains coming out over the past 6 years, it's time for me to get off and enjoy myself. Even if it means all by myself.

The last month I've been playing DC Universe Online. It's not an amazing game, but it is super fun to me. It let's me get in and learn about superheroes. I'm not a comic book fan so I don't know a lot of these stories. The game is like my comic book in motion. I'm having a lot of fun even though I'm not playing with anybody. Yeah I'm in a small, wonderful guild, but most of the time it's only 2 or 3 of us online at a time.

I finally made it to level only took me 22 days to do. I'm not a hard core player either. A guy in our guild made it from 1-30 in 3 days. Once you hit 30 a bunch of really cool story arches open up. Surprisingly, the grouping in the game is painless and super fast. As a DPS it only took me 20 sec to find a 4 person group.

So, even though I'm playing an unpopular game and streaming my fun every night, I really don't care like I used to. I used to worry if someone was reading my words or if anybody was going to play with me. I feel a lot of the problem with my game hoping was my fault of depending on other people to have fun. I quit playing some really awesome games because others left after 30 days. Wildstar is one of those games. I love that game and I plan on going back to it very soon. When I do I'm going to play by myself, for myself. I won't depend on other people to help me make fun. The best thing DCUO had taught me is to have fun by myself.

Of course I wish all my Internet buddies played DCUO, but I think I wouldn't have enjoyed it as much with them there. I think I would've worried about what they thought and if they were going to play with me. I'm glad they haven't taken interest in it so I could find my own way. I had time to find my gaming voice like my blog voice. It's my style and I need to do what makes me feel happy no matter what everybody else is saying or doing. I might be an unpopular blogger with a wacky style playing an unpopular game, but damn I'm having a great time doing it.

Friday, August 1, 2014


Right now my work schedule is nuts! I'm still going to try to do a post every day this month, even on my birthday. Yeah, August is the month my mother jettisoned me out of her ladies bits. This year I turn 40 and I realize I can die any minute now. You might want to worry if I don't post everyday this month. You never know, I could just stop being any second now. If you're not reading this right now that means I died before I even posted it. Are you reading this? Did I make it to the next paragraph?

Luckily, I made it this far. I pressed the space bar, felt a bit light-headed, and continued with: Luckily, I made it this far. I pressed the space bar, felt a bit light-headed, and continued with: Luckily, I made it this far. I pressed the space bar, felt a bit light-headed, and continued with: Luckily, I made it this far. I pressed the space bar, felt a bit light-headed, and continued with:

Wow, a whole paragraph of me repeating myself. Old people do that a lot. I fear my lawn is becoming more important to me and stairs are a challenge not a place to play Hot Wheels.  It's getting harder and harder to stay positive about things and take time to have fun.

People around me are dying left and right. My best blogger friend, River died recently at the age of 42.a guy at work just died from a heart attack at age 46. In the early 1960's the average age was 35 for adults. I don't know about you, but I'm a bit worried I could die soon. I always thought as a kid I would only survive to age 42. I have 2 more years left on this earth according to my math. I'm good at math too. If you haven't noticed yet, I'm a bit of a genius. In the 1960's I would've been considered a Greek God of sorts.

When I turn 40 this month I might inject myself with gamma rays or replace my blood with nanobots. I feel if I live forever, I could save humanity from itself. What do you think? Should I tap into eternal life and rule the Internet?

Talking about the Internet I plan on ruling, Belghast has a really awesome idea for community orginess. I always try to help build friendships over the Internet with cool tasks like this. I never know, one of you could be carrying my casket to my final resting place next week, month, year, second.. It's ok to cry.

So, I'm extremely busy this month. I'm going to try to blog everyday even if it kills me. I might have to make toast while I'm in the bathtub or tweak lighting rods on a cell tower on the Perfect Storm, but I will try my damnest to post everyday this month. Just to prove I'm better than you. It's ok to envy me. I have a large penis and hot wife too. I can feel you now lusting. Bring the sins to me.

If I haven't been taking from this world in the month I came into this world, expect me to post everyday. You've been warned!

Tuesday, July 15, 2014


Growing up I was never a comic book fan. I never bought one until I was an adult and that was Spawn. I was a child of Hollywood. The first superhero movie I ever saw was Superman with Christopher Reeves. At the age of 5, I became an instant fan of Superman.

Looking back at my childhood and remembering all the superhero themed Underoos I owned, I would say I was a DC fan. Of course, The Hulk was my favorite superhero growing up, but I had more DC underwear in my dresser.

I think Marvel is a more popular franchise because they have a better public relations department. Disney knows how to hype their products better than anybody else. Before Disney took over, the Marvel movies were crap compared to the DC ones. Just comparing the movies prior to Disney you can see that. Because Disney produces good movies and great hype, the world is on a Marvel kick right now. It's easy to tell when you watch Man of Steel then go watch Ironman 3; obviously Man of Steel is a far superior movie, but Ironman 3 man more than twice the money, all because Disney.

Even though I seem like a DC fan, I'm really not. I'm a fan of the heroes and I think Marvel has better heroes overall. Yeah I jumped out of a tree thinking I was Superman and whenever I ran as a kid I though I was The Flash, but I liked Marvel overall better. Marvel just seems to have more heroes that humans can connect with. Most of them are just average people that became superhuman one way or another. I know both franchises have their alien heroes and their human/superhuman heroes, but the more popular superheroes are Marvel because of that more human connection. Even though I think I would enjoy a Marvel MMO a lot, DCUO is a great game. I'm sure 10 years from now DCUO will be the Christopher Reeves benchmark MMO, but we'll have hype induced Robert Downey Jr MMO out by then. But until then, I'll be playing DCUO and loving it.

I didn't always love DCUO. In fact, I've been struggling to play it since it released in 2011. I've tried it off and on for over 3 years never making it past level 17 and I only made it that high 6 months ago on the Playstation 4. Before that I never made it past level 8. I think my problem with the game was the console friendly controls. I'm a horrible console gamer and I think MMOs suck on consoles. Hence my distaste with DCUO. Recently a lot of MMOs have come out with the same action based combat DCUO helped pioneer and I think it's helped me grow accustomed to that console feeling of control.

Even though I tried DCUO on the PC in beta, I never bought the game. Later when it went free to play, I downloaded it on the Playstation 3 to try again. Of course, I didn't like the game again because I felt disoriented playing an MMO on a console. I made it to level 8 and shelved the game again. When they released DCUO for the PS4 I tried it again, mainly because there were no games for the PS4 and my son wanted to try and MMO. I played it with him for about a month before I quit... again. About 6 months ago DCUO had an awesome DLC released that caught my eyes and I tried it again for a month. You know what happened after that month, I quit.

Two weeks ago I started playing DCUO on my PC for the first time since beta. I really didn't have a reason to, I just felt like trying it again. So far, I'm loving it a lot more than I ever did on the console. I still think the social menus suck, but they're fixing those in their 39th free patch. Yes they have 10 paid DLCs, but they also update their game with large patches for free. They're not as robust as the DLCs, but they do need to make money somehow off a F2P game. Second to GW2, DCUO has an outstanding F2P model. Their team is small and very dedicated to making a quality game. Not to mention the story is amazing.

All that said, I made it to level 10 last night. I just have 8 more levels to beat my record. Will I quit again? Probably at sometime, but I'm subscribed for a month and I plan on reupping my subscription when it's up in 2 weeks. The good thing is, I don't have to if I don't want to. I can keep playing it for free with minor roadblocks.

Last night playing it I noticed how lively the game is. This is only the PC server I'm talking about; the PC people do not play with the console people. I wish they did, but they are separate. Logging into the Playstation it's just as packed. Some might chalk that up as a F2P phenomenon, but I've played dozens of F2P MMOs and they are not this packed. It makes me feel good the game is doing so great after a rocky start. It proves converting from a monthly subscription to a F2P model doesn't mean the death of a game. If done as good as DCUO, it means the life of a game.

I'm not guaranteeing I'll play DCUO for the next year, month,  or tomorrow, but I'm guaranteeing the game is fun to play for a lot of people. I know it's not for everybody and it is super hard to get into it, but once I found my proper platform, I've had fun. I'm at home with a keyboard and my G600 Logitech mouse with side hotkeys. I can now get on the Alliance of Awesome TeamSpeak server and chat with people while I play a game I enjoy, even if they're not playing with me. I'm having fun and while I get the social interaction I need.

If I reviewed DCUO 3 years ago I would've given it a poor score, but after years of stellar updates and hard work I'd give the game a great score now. I'm looking forward to their 39th free update and their 11th DLC coming out soon. The game just keeps getting better and better, even for a Marvel fan like myself.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Wildstar and Luminosity Developers Work Together on September Ultra Drop

Recently, developers from the popular mind expanding game Luminosity have been spotted entering the headquarters of Carbine Studios, makers of the extremely popular MMO Wildstar. Our reporters had the chance to talk with one of these anonymous developers and this is what she (Sarah), had to say:

"I started playing Wildstar at launch a month ago and I was appalled to see so many quests with words or cut scenes. Then, I came across a Simon Says quest and I was in heaven. The makers of these quests touched my heart forever. It was that moment I decided to reach out to Carbine Studios to help them expand their game's potential. "

Anonymously, Sarah has been working  with Wildstar developers to develop the September Ultra Drop titled: Brain Fart! She told us there will be more than a 100 more Simon Says quests and a special dungeon with a Rubix Cube boss where players will have to work together to solve the mind-boggling cube of doom. Here is a list of some of the other cool stuff slotted for the Ultra Drop:

1. A Sudoku carpet
2. A light bulb hat
3. Newton's Apple tree
4. Chess piece costumes
5. A Dunce cap
6. An Albert Einstein mount
7. A new zone dedicated to PvP thinking games like Chess, Charades, Battleship, Scrabble, and many more
8. A new path called,  Lawnmower Man
9. 1 or 2 bug fixes
10. A new chat channel dedicated to  theory.

All these features are just 10% of Wildstar's potential. In the future Carbine Studios is hoping these brain games stimulate their players enough to develop content for themselves with their imagination. They're hoping when you feel bored of the game, you can just take over the mainframe with your mind and instantaneously become unbored.

I believe this is a genius move for the future of Wildstar and humanity. Together we can grow mentally to take over the universe.

Women's Only Bathrooms at Finnish IeSF Tournament Outrages Male Competitors With Weak Bladders

Recently with the help of Blizzard Entertainment, the decision to have male-only e-sport competitions was overturned. The decision to let females play in all e-sport competitions at the Finnish tournament has been met with thousands of women signing up at the last minute to compete. Unfortunately, the venue reserved for the competition only had male bathrooms.

In an effort to not seem sexist, the Finnish IeSF representatives taped,  "Women Only"  over half the bathrooms in the facility. This has outraged teams sponsored by Mountain Dew and Monster Energy Drinks. Both teams are known to have extremely explosive diarrhea and recurring UTIs. A spokesman for team Dew had this to say:

"I have a doctor's note demanding at least 70% of the buildings I compete at have to have male bathrooms with a minimum of 16 stalls to poop in.  Even with 60% of the bathrooms here I have a 90% chance I'm going to shit my pants more than I normally shit them. That means I'm going to get a diaper rash. I can't win this tournament under these conditions. My adult diapers can only hold so much. "

A woman standing outside a random building was asked what she thought of this outrage. She had this to say:

"For years men have been pissing and shitting in the woods with only their bare hands to scrape the poo from their backside, why should they need a bathroom now? I say, set the computers up outside like real men. There's a tree, man it up! "

Being a man myself that normally urinates off top floor balconies at a hotel in a drunk stupor, I think not having male bathrooms at all is brilliant. For far too long men have sat on toilets becoming more and more female. We're soft! We can't let women suppress us anymore! We need to fight for our rights to party! No longer will we expect a bathroom and toilet paper lined with aloe! We will shit in the streets and wipe our asses with our bare hands! We will go to this tournament with crap under our fingernails wondering if it's chocolate or shit. Only a taste test will do! So men, stand up and fight for your manly hood and refuse all bathrooms! Now go make our species proud!

Wildstar Subscription Numbers Overwhelming!

Today Carbine Studios announce they are having an overwhelming amount of subscribers catastrophically bottlenecking their system. They're quickly implementing a system to help players play and not feel stressed out. Here is a forum quote:

"WTF! I woke up this morning to play and I couldn't! This is bullshit! I then checked my bank account and I haven't been charged yet! I was bullshit! Quickly I threw money and cat feces at my monitor! Catshit! "

Later when server Master Server-Guru Cougar announced:

"Sorry for the inconvenience, we've implemented a fix to get players in the game while our payment server is cleaned of cat shit. Please people, stop throwing cat shit at your monitors. Our system takes all major credit cards, PayPal, prepaid cards, and blood donations, but we're not accepting hot, steamy, cat shit at this moment. Oh and we don't accept Bitcoin, cat shit has more value. Thank you for your patience and feel free to save cat shit for a later date. "

So, there you have it. At this point I'm one of the many that hasn't been charged for my year subscription and I have cat droppings all over my computer. Just so you know, jamming crap into your CPU fan does not work either. Who knew? Unfortunately, I need a new motherboard and my carpets cleaned. I didn't know that when shit hits the fan, it will spray back at me. I should've called Tim Howard before I freaked out; he could've saved me!

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Readers Won't Read This

This week I'm doing a writing workshop with my 10 year old son. Last night was our first night where we nailed down our story with a quick outline. We decided to write the same story, but my son will write from his perspective and I'll write from mine using the same outline. Hopefully in the end, we'll have 2 stories we can put together to form 1 great story.

The part that you won't like is, I'm going to write my story here. For some reason the only way I can write is with my phone. I've been writing this way for over 5 years so it's become a habit for me. I could write faster and better using a normal computer, but my mind always draws a blank doing it that way. I figured if I'm going to write a story, I might as well slap it up on my blog. Unfortunately, it's not what my readers want to read.

It seems every time I write creatively nobody reads it. I pour my heart and soul into a grand masterpiece and nobody gives a crap about it. All they want to read is about gaming or some kind of angry rant. It's a bit demotivational  when I do it. When I do break out of my shell and post a creative piece I get hardly any hits and 0 comments or Retweets. Not that comments and Retweets are super important to how I feel about my writing, but it would be nice to get some real feedback on my stories.

Anyways, I'll be posting my story my son and I came up with. It's a bit kiddie because he is only 10, but we came up with a pretty cool idea for a story. At least I think it's a cool idea considering it's more of a pre-young adult type of story. This week I'll post a chapter a day. You'll get to read 4 chapters of the story and most likely that is it. Next week I'll talk a little about my son's story, our differences, and how we could make a better story if we kept writing it. As a reader you can help give feedback or even ideas to help the story. I'm not holding my breath though. You'll just have to skip my feed this week if you want my normal dick and fart jokes.

I hope you do read my story and help my son and I think of better ideas for the story. Thanks for reading.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

A Year With #Wildstar

Even though $132 is a lot of money to fork out at once and I'm extremely skeptical with my commitment, I'm going to go through with it. I haven't played an MMO more than 3 months other than WoW in the past... Ever. This might be a stupid idea and I feel Carbine should pat me on the back, give me a hug, and tell me everything is going to be ok. A day doesn't go by without me worrying about my commitment towards a year with Wildstar, but I'm going to hold strong and do it.

I might start to talk about Wildstar a lot on this blog. I'm going to be more serious because I've lost the urge to be an idiot blogger. My childish jokes are getting old and I've lost the heart to do it anymore. I love writing so I figured I'll write normal blog posts like everyone else. I'll talk about my adventures in Wildstar for the next year. I understand if you choose not to read me anymore. I'm really excited about the game, but I wish they'd give me a hug.

That's all I have to say today. Tomorrow I'll talk about my PvP stuff.

Podcast Recap

I understand it might be hard for people to listen to podcasts. Life is busy or you're just not interested in listening to them. There are other factors I wouldn't go over, but I do understand it's not for everybody. For those who can't listen to podcasts I'd like to recap my last podcast for you because I feel it is a very important podcast, at least it was for me.

1. I had my great friend, The River, join me for the podcast. Unfortunately, he passed away last week and he was unable to listen to it. At the beginning of the podcast I talked a little about River. I know people hear it all the time when someone died, but River was truly a good man. He wasn't perfect and earlier in his life he did go to prison for robbery,  but he changed later in life. He became a giver instead of a taker. Reading his personal blog you can see he gave his heart and soul to his friends and family. He made it a point to help them and cheer them up even if it meant sacrificing a bit of himself. He was a great man.

If you only read his gaming blog you would've thought he was a womanizing dick, but that was just a fun facade he put on for his readers. As I said in the podcast, he loved to shock people to help them think outside of the box. Make them realize the stick is so far up their ass you can't even see the end nub. A misunderstood genius I thought of him. Through the years of knowing him I've tried to mimic his style to be as popular as him. I would read his comments and envy how much people loved reading his posts. How he could engage his audience and bring out the best or worst in them depending on what he wanted from them. I was jealous of him.

Now that he's gone I don't know what to do. Him and I used to banter back and forth to get a rise out of people. At times he was the only one to comment on my post because he knew what I was doing when others didn't. I'm not sure how to proceed from here.

2. River talked about his grandmother and grandfather he loved so much. He told me how they got him into gaming through poker and Monopoly. I'm sure that might have been the source of his gambling problem when he was younger... GRANDMAAAAA!

He talked about his love of DAoC and his guild. Some of those members he still played with in WoW up until he passed away. River was very passionate about his guild members. He might have been talking about how much fun he had in RvR, but in truth the fun was with his guild mates. That's why we play MMOs to socialize with people we enjoy talking to.

Sometimes we might play a game just for the people and not the game itself. Our desire to be surrounded by people we know and care about, can turn a meh game into the best game in the world. I could tell talking to River he really enjoyed the people in the games he played more than anything else. I feel the same way too. I've bought games just to be able to talk with people and share experiences with people I talk to daily on social networks. Like right now, Wildstar isn't the best game and it's not perfect, but at this point I'm playing with people I enjoy talking to. I enjoy Zeli, Abb, Belghast, Rae, Tam, Oak, Pete, Chris, Stargrace, ect, ect. That is just a few of the people and not even close to all of the people I wish I could play with, but right now Wildstar is the new hotness and I can enjoy their company while it lasts. Discussing MMOs with River, I knew he loved these games for this exact reason too.

3. Listening to the podcast and River talking about his most memorable moment in WoW when Ragnaros pops out of the lava and says, "With fire be purged!" I get chills up my spine. Not only do I remember the moment I first saw that, the way River says it with passion, erupts emotions in me. Those are the moments we play games for. Moments that flare up emotions like a nasty bug bite begging to be scratched until it bleeds.  When people talk about gaming memories they will always remember them just like real life moments that spark emotions.

4. At the end of the podcast River was waiting to tell me a story. Again, this story was about the people he played with and not really the game. He told me about drama in his guild with a guy he later became good friends with. Years later when he really met the guy in real life, River was more excited about that meeting than the game. He told me how he lost boots in WoW accidentally to this guy even though he had the most DKP; I'm guessing it was a screw up on the raid leader. River told me how the guy and several other guild mates met in real life and how the guy disenchanted the boots right at that moment. River laughed his ass off about that and later drew a penis on the guys back when he passed out drunk. A moment outside of gaming that was only made possible through gaming.

The podcast made me realize why I love gaming so much. It's a time I get to relax and talk with potential real life friends, even if I never meet them in real life. Not coming face to face doesn't lessen the friendship. I always think what I would say to you all if we really met. It would be awkward at first, but after flashing my naked ass at you, we would all chuckle and have fun... OK not really, but it would be funny and you wouldn't forget my hot ass!

I wish I got to meet River, but I'm not sad about it because I had the chance to get to know him through the years. There might be miles separating us all, but we can still be just as good of friends as if we lived next to each other. Even better friends, because I don't have to see you and put up with your shit daily. When I tell you all I appreciate you I mean it. You all make my day better even when you refuse to play a specific game with me.

Thank you all for reading and I hope you have a wonderful day.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Dear River

Dear River,

I'm gonna miss you bud! I might not have ever set foot in your house, but you will always stay in my heart.

For over a half of a decade you've made my life better. I always looked forward to chatting with you over Twitter or blog post comments. From the first day I started reading your blog and talking with you, I knew you were going to be a great friend. Talking with you always made me smile.

I'm sad that you're gone. I can't even imagine how your family and real friends feel. You made me a better person from afar, I'm sure the ones close to you feel the same. You were a social butterfly and a person people could look up to. Unfortunately for me, I only new a fragment of who you were.

I spent hours reading all the posts about you on Facebook to try to get to know a part of you I'll never have the privilege of knowing. You seriously lived your life to the fullest and made other happy in the process. You brought a lot of smiles to a lot of people. I'm sure if your friends forget to smile all they'll need to do is think of you to smile again. You were a great man and you'll be dearly missed.

I wanted to tell you I'm sorry. Over the years we've talk we always wanted to do a podcast together. I regret not finding the time to do The Donkey Show with you. What makes it worse is, I finally did a podcast with you and I neglected to find the time to edit and post it before you passed away. I feel horrible about it. All those years planning to do a podcast together and I fail at making our dream a reality for you. I'm deeply sorry.

I haven't had the heart yet to finish editing it. I want to post it so people can hear how passionate you were about games, but I need time before I can do it. I promise you, I will post it for you. I know you worried about sounding stupid on it and wished you were funnier, but trust me, you did awesome. You were passionate on the podcast and that is all that matters. When people listen to it they'll be able to connect with you through your passion. I know I did.

One of your blogger idles started a meme of sorts in honor of you. Syp suggested we all post half naked women on our blogs in honor of you. It was a great idea even though he wussed out and put a picture of a dog up. I guess some people don't understand why you actually did that. It wasn't the women, it was the love of life and bringing smiles to people's faces. Shit, you even posted 1/2 naked men on your blog for the same reason. I understand you and that is why we got a long so well. You knew that life was about living it the way you wanted and not being a stick in the mud.

You know after seeing the 100's of pictures of you on Facebook, I discovered I was a wuss too. I don't have the balls to live my life as much as you did. You showed people like me how to live and made us all smile while you were living for us. I envy you a lot for it. I look at you an wish I was more like you. I'm sure a lot of your real friends and family feel the same as I do. You were free to enjoy life. By all the pictures and stories about you, you lived the way life should be lived. You were and still are, a role model to me. I see I should be more like you and relax to live life to its fullest.

I want to end this post by saying thank you. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for encouraging me through the years to keep blogging. Thank you for making me laugh and smile. Thank you for chatting with me. Thank you for not changing who you are. You were an amazing man and looked pretty good as a woman too. I'll miss you bud, but I won't stop smiling because I'll always remember you.

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

ESO Casual Frustration

I want to start this post off by stating how much I love ESO. The crafting is amazing. The game is beautiful. It is simple to find a group and the combat is extremely fun to me. I love ESO, but right now it's not for me.

Every time I log into ESO I become frustrated within 10 mins of playing it; I'm constantly forced to go back to town to empty my bags. It's a game breaker for me because I only get an hour or less during the week to play games and I don't want to spend 30-40 min of it in town managing my bags. This it my typical night in ESO:

1. Kill things for 10 min before my bags are full.

2. Port to town.

3. Go to vendor and see what I can sell to make money to upgrade my bags.

4. Notice 80% of my bag space is full of crafting materials that are worth 0 at the vendor.

5. Run to full bank to see what can stack.

6. Bags still at 50% full.

7. Run to crafting station to break down drops.

8. Run to another crafting station to break down drops that are not in same area as last crafting station.

9. See what I can craft to help level my crafting that is way behind my character. Which means I need to go back to newbie zone to farm... Screw that.

10. Go back to bank to see what can stack.

11. Bags still 40-50% full of crap I need to craft but my bank is full and the mats are 0 gold at vendor.

12. 30 mins in town has passed and I've only killed and quested for 10 mins. I now only have 20 min to play, max.

13. Port to where I was questing.

15. I log out in frustration knowing I'll have to do this exact same thing tomorrow and I'm still 400 gold short of getting more bag space. That is just on me but my full bank too and that costs more money.

I love the game, but this system to get me to go to town and slow me down is pissing me off. I just don't have time for this type of system. Unfortunately, that means a game I love 90% of the time, won't be played by me because I play to relax not to get frustrated. It's not even about money to me. If this game was free to play I think I'd be more pissed because then I'd know for sure this system would be in place to get me to use a cash shop to buy more bags.

You see, it's really not the game it's me. My lifestyle does not jive with how ESO needs to be played. It pains me a lot because I really want to play the game.

Reaching out to my guild and Twitter followers I hear comments like:

1. I have a Mule or several Mules for that. Ya, not and option for me and it sounds a horrible way to get people to make alts.

2. ESO bag space is a nightmare. So it's not just me that had this problem.

A lot of people have this problem,  but they can cope because of their play style or their blind love for the Elder Scrolls IP. I could care less about the IP and my play style obviously doesn't fit this game. It's time for me to put the game aside until I feel I have time for it or something changes.

Bye bye ESO. I've loved and lost.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Doomed Podcast

I set out to do a podcast in a sea of podcasts. I knew it would be hard to gain traction, but it seems nobody wants to hear me talk. On Monday I will post my last podcast with The River.

To date, I've posted only 2 podcasts. I know that is not a fair try, but 2 podcasts with less than 25 downloads in almost a month costing me $7 a month, isn't worth it to me. I love doing it, but I feel the 11 downloads a podcast is just pity listeners. People that like me as a blogger and want to help out. I've thought it over and over and I can't justify spending the money to listen to myself talk. I had a feeling it was doomed to fail only because I'm not even a popular blogger. I finally got in my blogging stats yesterday and to say the least, it is depressing as a 6 year blogger. My last few post have only gotten 20 or so hits even with link bait titles. The difference is, blogging is free.

I think I feel this way because of the NBI. I go to new bloggers blogs and see 15-40 comments and know I can't even produce that in hits. I see gamers starting YouTube channels with no videos for a month, but they have almost 500 subscribers. Obviously, I'm doing it all wrong. I know my style is unique, but that just means I'm "special". That's never a good thing. Maybe I should conform to the masses and write monotone blog post with information. I won't do that though, because this is just my online diary of crazy I use to entertain myself.

I see all these NBI checklists of how to blog and I feel like an idiot. No matter how long the list is I can tell you, I'm not doing any of it. I write on a phone. I have for 6 years now. Editing is a pain in the ass. 90% of my blog posts get a once over read for obvious mistakes, then I hit publish. I don't know how many NBI post I've read that tell new bloggers they have to be strict in how they write. "You need to edit, edit, edit, edit! You need to have a plan! You need to schedule your writing time! You need to go to blogs! You need to not swear! You need to engage your readers! You need to... You need to... You need..."


That sounds so stressful to me. This is how I write a post:

1. Hey brain what should I write about today?
2. How about a bird?
3. Sure!
4. Write, write,  write, words, words, words, giggle to myself, smile, giggle, PUBLISH!

And that is why I suck as a blogger! I'm not a blogger, I'm a person that likes to write shit I think of. Not some checklist of things I need to do to make other people happy. I've spent years doing this and I've quit several times because I felt I needed to conform to the blogging rules, not this time. Look at my blog. Do you see a blog roll? Do you see a donate button? Do you see a fancy banner? Do you see anything besides words? No, well except the damn cat pictures my wife posted. I write for the words. I love creating pictures with words. I'll never be a writer. I'll never be a popular blogger. I'll never be anything but a guy that writes words. I don't want any of those things. I just want to create pictures with words that make me smile. The technical crap and the stress of being a "blogger" can fuck off.

Don't take my advice if you want to be a blogger. I'm not what people expect out of one.

I've been called "The Drunk Uncle"  of blogging, good! Day in and day out for over 20 years I've worn a uniform, carried a gun, trained to survive torture, lived by rules, regulations, and not questioned a single one. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I've never done drugs and my life is dedicated to my family. If I can take an hour a day to write something to relax, I'll do it. Writing is my drug. It let's me discover new worlds with no boundaries. I can create anything with words. If people are offended by what I write or disgusted, oh fucking well don't read my world then. I need this like I need gaming. It gives me a chance to explore my mind. To me, that is what blogging is about. Not some strict checklist to please others.

That said, blogging is free. YouTube is free and streaming is free. I will do all this things because it doesn't financially obligate me to hope people like me enough to quantify my time, effort, and money. Ya I think it's sad I won't be podcasting, but it seems only I enjoyed it. I've thrown my name out there to podcast with other people, but they ignore me. To me that means I'm not good enough to grace their podcast. If I'm not good enough for them, then maybe I should look at what I'm doing and quit. It's like the guild leader in a guild of 1. Technically you are a guild leader, but you have no friends.

The River is like my best blogging friend in the world. We've spent over 4 years throwing around the idea of podcasting. I finally did it and failed. I'm not going out without a bang though. On Monday my podcast will be different. It will talk about past games, but it will not be a strict 15 minutes. I want to spend time with River to say some shit. I hope you listen to it, but I'm not counting on more than 11 downloads.

Thanks for reading. I'm done with this boring strict blogging shit, back to your regularly scheduled Drunk Uncle.

PS. 0 editing and it shows. 0 give a shit too.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

My Dog Died and Wildstar Was There to Lift My Spirits!

Last week I was walking my dog down a busy street to break in my new Timberland boots, when a school bus full of children took him out. As my dogs lifeless body slid down the street like a bear skin rug on a moist Slip-N-Slide, I noticed his entrails on my new boots. A massive wave on anger rolled over me because I knew my boots were ruined forever. I wasn't mad at my dog or the careless bus driver puking on a 4th grader, I was mad at myself for dropping the leash in favor of my boots. How did I get so jaded and materialistic? What happened to me over the years to favor things over a living, breathing, being?

Yesterday I discovered, I never owned a dog and I don't like boots very much. I don't think I'd ever buy boots because they are so hard to break in. I'd probably need to get a dog just to wear the boots. I don't want a dog though. I'm afraid he'll get hit by a bus when I'm walking him to break in my boots.

Anyways, I looked deep inside myself and searched for answers to this revelation. I needed to understand the meaning of this searing pain in my heart. I needed to know why I was so jaded towards other people and their pets. Well, mainly towards other people. I needed to spend the day meditating on this, but unfortunately I had work and stuff to do after work so never got a chance to meditate. By the time I really got a chance to sit down and think about my situation, it was time for bed and I didn't want to deal with anymore crap for the day. It's always best to sleep on an enlightening moment in hopes it is forgotten in the morning. So, I slept.

This morning I woke up tired and beat down. I know my lack of sleep was due to my soul constantly tugging me awake at night to talk things out. Of course, I was in no mood to talk to that asshole until the morning. We had several pillow fights and my neck got a pinched nerve from all the tossing and turning. In the end I awoke like a man splashed with acid after shave. That and I had to pee really bad.

As I rushed to the bathroom and almost kicked the cat in my selfish state, I stopped dead in my tracks realizing what happened a week ago with my fake dog. I almost ran my cat over like a bus filled with pee, not people. Grief washed over me as urine warmed my thighs and pooled around my feet. I knew then when the warm yellow liquid, not meant for popcorn, I was a horrible member of the Wildstar community.

More grief washed over me and I fell to my knees splashing piss like Michael Jackson splashing in puddles in his Bad video. I too, felt bad and I should've just beat it, but I was in no mood and I already had a mess to clean up. I had to clean up the mess I made with the Wildstar community. That is why I'm now writing this apology post. I need to right my wrongs and tell my story. Tell you all why I'm such a horrible person and I only meant what was best for me in the end.


I remember the day I first heard about Wildstar like it was the day after yesterday. I'm not sure when it was or exactly what I was thinking at the time, but it's all foggy and muddled up in my mind now. I remember the game was called Wildstar and I wanted to play it as soon as it was in beta, maybe sooner if I could. Sooner is always better.

I was excited for the game and I knew it was an MMO I wanted to play. Of course, I play all the MMOs, but I really wanted to play Wildstar. I remember their humor like it was my own humor, but with less swearing. I had the urge to reach out to Carbine Studios for a fun interview. They ignored me. I started a new Twitter handle and started writing fan fiction for the community. They ignored me. Quickly I became angry as a saw new people starting up Twitter accounts gaining followers by the dozens a day. They all skyrocketed to thousands of followers and I was left at 100. My heart sank further and I became jaded towards the community. I blamed them for my lack of commitment to the community and the game.


My anger festered and popped in a molten bust of puss and hair. I couldn't take being ignored anymore, so I blamed them. They ignored me. I was out of options, so I bought some new boots and took my dog for a walk knowing I would return home without a dog or boots. I would return home to silence and darkness in my heart. I had nothing left to give to a community I really didn't have the time to give anything to in the first place.

You see, I love Wildstar with all my heart for at least 30 days. As an old gamer with 3 kids, 2 cat, a hot wife, a demanding job, a rock hard body with rippling muscles, a female friend that constantly wants to have sex with me, back problems, insomnia, other MMOs, a blog, a podcast, and other things that add up to ridiculous excuses, I realized I never gave 100,% to Wildstar like those other guys with 1,000's of followers. It was my own fault I wasn't an upstanding member of the Wildstar community and nobody knew my  name, Norm!

Here I sit crying knowing my name will never be immortalized in Wildstar. There will never be a mount called "The Scarybooster". Man, I wish I could be mounted and rode hard from quest hub to quest hub. It will never happen though because I don't like boots.

You see, the dog, the boots, and Wildstar are all the same. I never gave any of it a chance enough to become a great member of the community. It is my fault and my selfishness overtook my love and care for the game. I threw away everything I ever stood for just for attention I will never receive. And for that Wildstar community, I am sorry.

Unfortunately, there is nothing left for me to do, but apologize and disappear into the mist littered with gorillas. I will never be the Silverback or the Silverback's go-to-gal. I will just be me and silently enjoy the game. I will try to help others and bring joy to those playing for the first 30 days, but you will not know me as a great leader. I am ashamed I wasn't a better person to you all.

I hope you all forgive me for my selfish ignorance. I hope Wildstar brings a smile to your face everyday you play it, as the developers meant it to. You see, it's not about the dog, the boots, the messed up bus front grill with chunks of meat hanging from it, or even the bloody street some minimum wage city worker is going to have to clean up after maggots start to eat the carcass, it's about the children. It's about how they'll be affected for the rest of their life if they don't get to enjoy Wildstar and it's beautiful community. I don't want to be that guy to show them Nexus can be a bad place with selfish people like me.

I'm ashamed and from now on I'll be more positive and show the community I'm here for them when I'm not busy. Thank you for reading I love you all very much, figuratively like the dog and the boots.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

It Is Your Fault MMOs are Single Player Games! Stop Blaming The Game.

My father said to me when I was a pimple faced teenager, "Son... You choose to react to what others say the way you want to. They do not force you to do or feel anything. It's your choice."

I cried for an hour and ran away screaming, "YOU HATE ME!"

Used time and time again is the saying, "You see the glass half full or half empty Daniel Son. It's up to you young padawan to choose your path."

In MMOs we choose to make them single player games. Yes, they could have systems like mentoring or down leveling to assist players in MMOing, but let's be real, most people won't use those systems anyways. It's easier to complain an MMO is a "single player" game made into an MMO to suck our bank's dry.

Wait... Let me finish before you run to the comments and give up on interacting with me and others before you even insert your name in the first field. Yup, blogs are dead for the same reason MMOs are single player games. You!

The story continues...

For the past 5-6 years MMOs have been becoming more and more single player games or as the elite say, "Carebear for casuals". Oh, that's a good guild name! Even though the games have the old systems that made MMOs so multiplayer, they've added systems to make grouping easier. Unfortunately, those systems make it easier to be less social. Again, we are back to glasses half full or half empty. However you look at MMOs and their features there are going to be downsides to all of them.

Everquest 2 has a mentoring system to help people group with lower level people. GW2 has a down leveling system for the same reason. Still, people do not socialize or make the game more multiplayer. They're selfish and do what it takes to achieve their goals in their single player game. So why don't new games add these "must have"  mentoring systems everybody wants so bad? I'm guessing the negative in implementing it at launch is greater than the positive. Why not just do away with levels? In essence, GW2 and The Secret World really don't need levels, but if they totally went away with levels people would lack the push to move forward in the game. Levels add an easy goal to keep people engaged or if you want to be negative, it keeps them tugging at your wallet. When do most people quit playing an MMO? That's right, level cap. Not because of the lack of content, but because the lack of, "now what the hell do I do?" Umm you could socialize and do group things... Naaa too hard. People are asshats. There isn't BLANK system... Ect ect excuse excuse... Your fault!

I make it a point when I log into an MMO to socialize with my guild. You know what? Most of the time nobody responds to me. They're too busy doing their thing. Oh, I've been told it's because they're just in a voice chat, so I boot up the preferred voice chat and nobody. I even ask if people are using it because I get 0 conversation back. Still, nothing! No its not my guild. I'm talking a span of games over 6 years and several highly active guilds, even in WoW. Nobody chats anymore. MMOs are single player games because of us not a lack of features to hold our hands. We are at fault for the lack of M in the MMO. Not the fist M but the second M.

No matter how hard a new MMO tries to be multiplayer, it will only ever make it half empty. You are the only one that can make the glass half full.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Why O Why Did I Pre-order Wildstar?!?!

Last night I did the deed, I refused my wife sex to pre-order Wildstar. What the hell was I thinking?!?!

I'm just kidding. My wife and I were like 2 Chuas fighting over the last slice of rowsdower bacon strip. And in normal human adult terms that translates to: I pre-ordered Wildstar, we went to bed, and as I leaned over to kiss her good night, my penis touched her leg and her breasts grazed my hand. Then, we slept great exhausted from our thought of going further than that. Sorry, but being intimate during the week is like guild events during the week lasting until 12am , I just don't have the energy for that.

Trust me you youngins, you get to my age and raiding becomes a chore if done during the week. If I stayed up that late raiding panties or a dragon with halitosis, I wouldn't recover for months. I wish I was as resilient as I used to be, but I'm not. I have pains, insomnia at times, children barfing on the cats, the cats barfing on the children, and my balls forgotten for months at a time; staying up late to play a video game is the last thing I need.

That being said, one of the things that interests me the most about Wildstar is the raiding. It also pissed me off the most. Over the last few months I've been going back and forth about buying Wildstar for various reasons to include raiding. In the end I made a list of why I wanted to play it and why I didn't. Obviously, the WANT exceed the NOT and I'll show you why...


1. RAIDING AND WARPLOTS: These are exactly the same to me. I need a large group of people to achieve these and as a social gamer, that makes me horny. The thought of 39 dudes and 1 woman coming... together... sweaty... loads... of loot and fun, just gets my heart pumping with excitement.

2. HOUSING: Besides the fact that I'd like to see non-instanced housing, Wildstar's housing looks amazing. All the things you can do is jaw-dropping. Why they didn't go the route of having a in-game store filled with housing cosmetics to fund the game like Guild Wars 2 instead of a pay 2 play model, is beyond me. There is so much potential in making money through the housing aspect. I'm guessing NCSoft didn't want Wildstar to directly compete with GW2.

3. HUMOR: From the first day I heard about Wildstar, the game clicked with me. I loved their stupid sense of humor. Even though it is ridiculously over-the-top at times and very childish, I can connect with it somehow. I love the fact that when I level up the sounders says to me, "YAY YOU FUCKING DID IT SHIT FOR BRAINS! YAY FUCK YAY FUCK FUCK FUCK YAY!!! fuck."

That subtle type of humor just makes me smile. My life day in and day out is serious business and it's nice to go home and let my pubes out from time-to-time. Bushy Bushy Blonde Hair Do! You know, the game might be too cartoony or not worth the $15 a month, but those little moments I spend smiling at the stupid shit Wildstar has to offer is worth the free 30 days.


1. RAIDING AND WARPLOTS: I know deep down in my heart I won't be able to raid or do Warplots. For one, I can't stay up late enough during the week to even massage some fantastic boobies. Second, the other boobie. Third, the people I guild with are just like me, old. We have families, full-time jobs, puking pets, neglected boobies, laundry, alcohol to be drank, depression pills, lack of interest after 30 days because of the monthly payment, and we're damn exhausted from all this. It just pisses me off!

2. HUMOR: Some days the game is just too "in your face". I'm a human being and that means I get grumpy and annoyed. I just don't feel like having "Las Vegas Strip"  experiences every night. It's fun to do in little doses, but after awhile I can see myself becoming numb to it and annoyed. Now I know how my wife feels when I speak. I'm the last guy you'd think would be annoyed by unnecessary humor, but it might surprise you to know I annoy myself a lot. BALLS! Most of the stuff I write I say to myself, "Haaa Haaa Haaa... Man, I sound stupid. Why did I write that? People must think I'm crazy and gross and more crazy and nuts and and and..."

You really need to be in the mood for ridiculous humor. This game and my blog will suffer the same fate in the end because of our childish behavior. FAME AND DRUG ABUSE!

3. COMMUNITY: This kind of piggybacks humor. Because the game fosters a pompous, over-the-top cockiness, the community comes off as just plain dicks. Imagine a League of Legends community that all think they're Jim Carry. Odd to think I think this is a negative, but when I'm playing a game I'm polite, helpful, and a damn nice guy. My blog is that other guy. I know how and when to turn off the dick. You could say I'm a pornstar and the Wildstar community is a bunch of frat boys daring each other to fuck elm trees. Sad thing is, they don't know they're being dicks they think they're funny. You're not, you're a dick!

Makes my stomach turn thinking a Wildstar fan will read this. I might have to throw up on their cat. Makes me sick!

4. THE ELDER SCROLLS ONLINE: I love TESO and playing Wildstar is going to take time away from that. Why I chose to pre-order Wildstar only hinged on 1 WANT and yesterday that WANT happened. I'll tell you about that in a bit.

After thinking about missing TESO game time and playing Wildstar with TESO, I felt relieved. I'm the type of gamer that hops from game to game every month and having 2 fresh MMOs to hop between sounds a little exciting. Like an orgy. Unfortunately, that will put me behind (and when I say behind /wink) my guild mates that hop between games. That don't stick with one game more than 30 days. That are as ADHD about MMOs as I am... Maybe, I won't get too far behind double penning these 2 games?



Yesterday he announced he will try Wildstar, but he's not too sure about the game. It kind of sounded a lot like me, but with more ice cream.

You see, River and I go way back as bloggers. You could say we're the OG's of MMO blogging. We don't take no shit. We don't conform to the ass kissing ways. We post dafuckever we want, and some developer once gave us pieces to the same skeleton. That kind of makes us brothers in blogging. You don't throw that shit away and if your brother is going to kill some shit in a game, you stand by him killing some shit. Unless, he doesn't log in and you have time to kill some shit while your wife is soaping up her milky white, silky soft, breasts in the shower. Then and only then, we shall not stand as one.

In all seriousness, River is a great friend and his pre-order of Wildstar made it a no brainer for me. Most likely we'll just play it for 30 days and he'll go back to WoW and I'll play TESO, but it's that 30 days the Latency Lowlifes will ride again, that makes it all worth it to me.

... Oh and fuck you feminist! You're welcome River!

EDIT: It seems I was mistaken and River lied to me, by not pre-ordering the game. He never said he pre-ordered the game, but when I said River I meant Rowan. Even tho Rowan isn't like River and is way more polite, I consider him a soft OG like me. Good thing he pre-ordered the game!

DOUBLE EDIT: Soo, Rowan didn't pre-order the game either...  I'm sure some motherfucker pre-ordered Wildstar and I'll play with him! Nunyall evar evar evar have my back during a zombie apocalypse! You all be trippin my ass just because you think it's funny! Stupid Wildstar bunny chicks and gerbils making me talk to the bushes naked in front of the police station!