The other day we heard about the president of Carbine Studios, Jeremy Gaffney stepping down. We all know Carbine just released the subscription based MMORPG Wildstar. Jeremy has been fighting a deadly skin cancer for a long time. His family has had several members die of cancer. To help Wildstar release smoothly, Gaffney sacrificed himself for the game, company, fans, and his own personal reasons I can't understand. He helped keep continuity in the company during its most difficult time knowing that sacrifice could kill him. After the game released and it had several updates, he finally had time to take a breath and look at his own life. He stepped down to live another day.
Some of the gaming community saw this as the death of Wildstar. They "knew" this was going to happen and they "know" the next step for the game, death. Possibly the game is doing bad. Maybe, one of the reasons he stepped down was because of the stress of the game failing. No matter what the all his reasons were, he has cancer. He has a deadly disease that could kill him. For the rest of his life he has to try to live longer in fear of cancer. Fuck the game! His life is more important than a game. He is a living breathing human that had the compassion enough to chip away at his life day by day to produce a fun game for the world. Unfortunately, some people lack the empathy to realize his sacrifice. It's sad.
This is nothing new though. The lack of empathy in some is the cancer of humanity and the Internet is the harmful UV rays magnifying it. It's always been there, it's just mutating the rest of us faster and faster until we all die inside. It's spreading fast and we're not getting treatment for it. What can we do though? Am I going to try to cure the lack of empathy in the world? I don't know how and it's too bad for me to do it. Like Jeremy, I'm not going to give up fighting for what is right. I will not let humanity's cancer kill me. I've fought this my whole life and I'm not going to stop now. I'll tell you my story no matter how personal it is, I need to help others understand why I have unwavering empathy.
I grew up with the blood of other people on my hands. I don't know how many times my fist smashed into another kids face. I don't know how many kids I kicked in the gut with anger. I was constantly at war growing up because my mother was a lesbian. Nowadays gay people are more accepted, but back in the 70's and 80's it was not. Luckily, genetically I'm not to be fucked with. Not to mention my father grew up in Brooklyn in the 50's. A white boy in Brooklyn had to fight to survive.
After awhile, word got around I wasn't an easy target and it probably wasn't a good idea to pick on me. By 9th grade I didn't have to fight anymore. Well accept smashing a yard stick over another kid's face in English class when I was in 10th grade. The main reason I fought so much was the lack of empathy kids had towards my family. Their church going family couldn't fathom a sinning, happy family. Even though we tried to go to church and we're asked to leave, we still held tightly on the teachings of the Bible. We knew the real meaning was empathy, compassion, and live towards all living things.
The sad thing is, we kill each other over the same thing written by someone else. The Bible, the Tanakh, the Quran, the Pali Canon or Chinese Tripitaka, are all books teaching people religion to teach them how to be compassionate, loving, and how to be empathetic towards others. They're all connected, but still we kill over their words. We have lost their meaning for our own pride and our own ideas. We constantly strive to be the right ones and force others to believe what we believe or we will burn in hell. My mother is going to burn in hell from the hate of what people think the Bible tells them. It tells them to judge, force, kill, rule, and spread like a cancer until we are all dead to live happy the way we want to.
Over the years I've been proven wrong. I've fought with "Bible bashers" over living life happy in the words of God. I'm done fighting because I accept theirs and my own lack of empathy. I grew up fighting to save my mother from hell so when she dies and I die, we can be together as a family. I've chosen to go to hell with her because I love her. I've chosen to listen to what people say and have empathy and compassion for them. I radiate love to strangers in hope I can push back the disease that's spreading through humanity.
We've lost the true meaning of what it is to live life happy and understand why other people feel the way they do. Just look at Ferguson Missouri. A black boy was shot by a police officer and his body sat rotting in the sun for 4 hours while the people protecting and serving the community thinking they were doing the right thing by the law, lost their compassion and were blind as to doing the right thing as a loving human. What if it was their boy laying dead on the pavement? The police believed they were doing the right thing based on their Bible of laws. They still do. We've all forgotten how to do the right thing without laws or God telling us what to do.
No matter how or why, humans were given empathy, compassion, love, self awareness, egos, and a way to over think every damn thing. Sooner or later we're going to kill ourselves and become extinct like the other animals we killed off over the years doing what we thought was right.
Yesterday when I ranted about this I wanted to do something I have no idea how to do or start. How do I instill empathy into other people? How do I cure this cancer that is spreading? They say, "do not feed the trolls". That is correct you don't want to help the disease spread, but we need to cure it because it spreads no matter what. I was told, "you first". Like growing up, I'm not afraid to get blood on my hands. I don't want to beat the shit out of anybody, but when it comes to doing what's right, I will stand my ground and fight.
This probably won't change anything, but I have to try. I'm sick of seeing people say horrible things. "Well, don't read it!" Yeah, I could lock myself in the closet like my mother had to do for 30 years, but that will only hurt me by being ignorant. I need to read about things like Robin Williams' death even though some of the comments on articles seam like they came from robotic serial killers. I man devoted his life to making people laugh and sacrificed his own happiness by bottling up his depression until it killed him. He knew their was no hope in making people laugh anymore. We judge people with depression, anxiety, or mental illness like evil sinners. We lock them in the closet like the gays until they die. All because it's too hard to have a little empathy.
I will fight this hate not based on a book written thousands of years ago, but with my own love and compassion. My common sense. Everyday I'm surrounded by hateful people hiding behind books preaching what is right. They openly say, "gay people are like sterile cattle, you just need to put a bullet in their head and burn their bodies because the meat is worthless too. They're a waste of life with no purpose... Praise God Amen!"
I've heard this and had to put my hands in my pockets and think of where they were coming from. To me they were wrong. They misunderstand the teachings of the books. I have to think I'm wrong too. I have to accept I'm going to hell. I have to have empathy towards them even if I don't want to. I understand them and I don't hate them for thinking that way. It's hard on me, but I have to stand strong for what I think humanity should be like with these gifts we've been give.
In closing I want to say thank you to you all for reading this. I want to thank Jeremy Gaffney for staying strong and helping make Wildstar. I only wish the best for the game even though I've stopped playing it for now. I know it's hard to read those bad comments, but their are great people in the world that can help push humanities cancer back into remission. Please take the time to have a little empathy, compassion, and love towards others. That is the only cure.