Tuesday, December 31, 2013

WoW I'm Naked!

For the past 9 Years I've been playing World of Warcraft. Over those years I've quit,  resubbed, quit again, and resubbed again.  At times I feel angry I'm caught in the grasp of Blizzard and can't get out. I want to play because it's fun,  but I don't want to because it's not cool to play WoW. I'm torn between what my heart wants and what my head demands.

One faithful day sitting at my computer naked I finally decided what is best for me.

I found myself talking to my genitals looking for their wisdom to guide me in my times of depressed,  flaccid,  floundering. On one ball I should tickle my fancy and play WoW until I shoot out gobs of glee. On the other,  dark and vainy side covered with fresh gray hairs,  I should grow the fuck up and only play the man-deer games. It was a hard choice I had to make.

For a good hour or so I smacked around my possibilities,  going back and forth,  up and down, trying to decide the best course of action in my life. First thing I needed to do was delete the cookies off my computer. Then,  I could really focus on why I felt so bad about a silly game.

I looked down at my naked body again trying to figure out what was wrong with me and why I had a pencil poking out of my belly button. That's is when it dawned on me...

My wife never really cares when I sit down at the computer naked and I play games,  but when I'm eating dinner at the table naked she dislikes that. I just think she doesn't like me putting whipped cream on my nipple while I'm enjoying deep-dish cherry pie.  Cherry pie is only delicious deep. The deeper you go the wetter the cherries.  Man,  they're moist!

WoW is my naked body, I thought to myself.

It's is sexy as hell when I'm playing with it privately,  but when I run around the neighborhood screaming with my bare naked ass reflecting the sun yelling,  "FOR THE WHORE... DA!"  it's just creepy and it's bound to get me arrested, again. I now know how wrong it is to play WoW and tell people you play it. 

I've finally learned my lesson with WoW. When asked if I play it I just smile and say,  "Nope!"

Then,  later at night I can eat my dinner with a huge smile one my face because I know wearing socks is not naked.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Hotdog Social

As some of you know,  I've been blogging for a few years off and on.  I normally blog about video games,  but once and awhile I talk about my life growing up. Of course that is never as exciting to readers as shiny new video games.  Oh how gamers are so serious about their games. Curse you if you don't like their game! That type of thinking made me come to the conclusion:  blogging is a giant Hotdog Social.
What is a Hotdog Social?

It's when you get a bunch of leftover pieces of whatnot together,  blend it up,  pack it in to a dick shape,  slap it in processed crap that is meant to bloat you with bullshit ingredients,  cover it with colorful extras,  and feed it to a bunch of mindless fatasses trying to shove 6 or 7 in their mouth at once smearing lard all over their faces.  Somebody is bound to choke and die. That is game blogging at it's finest.

I never conformed to the format of regurgitating news stories or licking some developer's balls just to feel special when they commented on my blog or retweeted me on Twitter.  A developer to me is someone I want to pick their brain and figure out where their creativity comes from. I ask them a question,  they ignore me,  fuckem! They answer my question or socialize with me,  great they just made a new friend. Other than that,  they're just another person I wouldn't recognize in an empty room. 

So why am I blogging again if I don't want to talk about games or shove hotdogs down my throat?

Because I want to express my creativity through writing and if that involves games from time to time or dual wielding genital shaped food,  so be it. I might come off as a self righteous jerk,  but really I just want to have fun. If you've read me before and enjoyed it,  feel free to tell other people I'm back. You might want to warn them though,  because this shit is going to be crazy.

Don't expect anything. Expect everything!