Tuesday, September 2, 2014

5 Reasons Why World of Warcraft is The Best Game Ever Made.

I'm truly sick of people not playing WoW. I hate it when people get excited over the loss of subscribers. The only reason they hate it is because it is the best. It is the same exact reason why they hate rich people. I bet if you talk to a WoW hater, ask them what they think of Bill Gates, they'll rabidly hate him too. I'm sorry to tell you, but Bill Gates is rich because he is awesome and doesn't hate shit like a stupid poo poo head like you. You might want to take a look at your hateful life and acknowledge it's your own damn fault. Stop blaming others for your laziness and lack of taste for great video games.

Popularity breeds envy and jealousy, us smart people know this. Things are popular because they're the best. There had never been anything in history that was popular that didn't change the world. At the top of the list of things that has changed humanity is World of Warcraft. The last decade will go down in history has the decade we all said,  WoW!

Here are the top 5 things that makes WoW worthy of the history books and why it is the best game ever made. It's also, a list that proves people hate WoW because it's more important than their own lives.

5. 12 billion people have played it: Out of the 6 billion people on Earth, 12 billion have played WoW. That's right, that is 200% of the Earth's population that has played the game. How is that possible you might ask? Easy, let me explain for you dumber people. 50% of the world has tried WoW. 32% of those people own 4 accounts under aliases. 13% are registered as cat or dogs. 4% of the accounts are exotic animals. 21% of those accounts are dead people and some have been dead since the 1800's. 5% are account from people that don't even know they have an account and 95% of the active accounts are played daily by normal people. That only leaves an unknown percentage that are undecided.

4. In 2010 drug dealers were giving away free copies of WoW with every purchase of and illegal drug over an ounce: To me that proves WoW is the most popular game ever. If your drug dealer is willing to give away free copies, the game has to be the best game ever made. Also, 2010 marked the peak in WoW subscriptions and marked the worst time for reading Trade Chat. Why do you think [Anal]  chat became so popular during this time? That's right, prison folk were playing WoW. A little bit of Anal fun goes a long way in prison.

3. Dictionary changes were made because of WoW: As a direct influence of WoW, all dictionaries were changed to include the words- pwned, noob, newbie, nerfed, WoW, Tobold, ganked, and sammich. These words are used daily since 2004 and are now popular in other games that suck. These words would've never been thought of without the coming of WoW.

2. Prime Time TV: WoW is mentioned more on prime time TV than any other game ever made. Not only that, WoW has been featured in 100's of movies since it's coming. Once you make it to prime time and the big screen, you're considered more popular than Jesus. That leads me to number 1.

1. A WoW religion: In 2012 the first official World of Warcraft church was opened. The church is located in Westboro Kansas across the street from the Baptist Church. Services are held every Tuesday during realm maintenance time, as not to interfere with game time. Special services are held during rollback and hotfixes to pray for forgiveness.

In the Church of Warcraft or CoW, all walks of life and after life are welcome. The church is divided into 2 wings, Horde and Alliance. Staff are equipped with tazzers just in case someone gets too faction pridey. Please leave all weapons at home and Pandas are still not allowed at this time. Sorry, but there is no place for those animals in the CoW church. In the basement they named,  The CoW level, a buffet of goodies are served after the service. Extra loot bags are on sale just in case you want to take more than you can carry home. The CoW church is a profit only organization dedicated to building bigger communities even if nobody likes each other.

You see, WoW has proven itself to being the best game ever made. Again, the only reason people don't play it is because they hate the idea they might like something popular. They need to get rid of their rebel behavior and accept the fact WoW is amazing. You need to see a therapist and ask him/her what the hell is the matter with you. You need to stop bucking "The Man"  and play the best game ever made. I'm sorry, but you're just lamesauce (which was also added to the dictionary thanks to WoW).