Monday, March 2, 2020

Act 1: Pong


Now that Boomers are finally dying off, the rest of the world can relax and play their video games without being harassed. Video games are ere to say and have been a way of life for most of the population their whole lives. I do not remember a time I did not have a video game to look at or hold in my hands. When I came out of the flesh curtains of life, video games were there for me. I hit the stage on my opening act playing Pong.

Act 1: Pong

In November of 1972, Pong hit the streets as the first drug for the youth. While our parents were snorting cocaine, we were sitting in front of the TV watching a pixel ball bounce back and forth at our command. Unlike the drug of choice our parents were snorting, our drug was only intoxicating us with the sheer joy of entertainment. While our parents were naked in a rain gutter tripping balls, we were sitting in front of the TV with our balls protected by Underoos. Hulk Underoos to be exact.

Even though I wasn’t born yet and Pong only existed in a fake world I didn’t make real yet, the start of the video game revolution had begun. When I did finally eject from the mothership hyper-sleep chamber in 1976, Pong was waiting for me. I did not even wash the mother-sledge off before I had a controller slipping and sliding in my little mitts.

The year was 1978, and I was a two year old addicted to the sound of blip, blip, blop as the Pong ball bound franticly around our 19 inch TV screen. As a two year old, the screen was the size of a movie theater screen. I had to run from one side of the room to the other just to follow the Pong ball from paddle to paddle. My sister took joy in tripping me as I ran. If I fell too long she would unleash a violent fart in my face that smelt like last night’s dinner of liver and onions.  I did not care though! Life was cruel at my young age and my sister was just conditioning me for the battles I will need to fight in the future.

I never lost a Pong match that I can remember. Even at the young age of two, I was a gaming prodigy. I spun the Pong controller wheel with confidence and power. I used all my might and even my hips to get the ball moving. The gamma rays from my Hulk undies gave me superhuman strength and the power to do the impossible in Pong. To this day, I still have a pair of Hulk Underoos to give me that extra edge in life. My wife knows when I slip on the green meat suppressors, I am getting ready for an intensive battle in the video game world. She loves me for my room presents when I am wearing my battle gear. It is our thing…

As the years passed and more advanced games came out, I quickly forgot about Pong. The smell of liver and the visual barrage of Pong will be forever burned into my mind and senses.  A day does not go by that I do not think of my glory days of gaming. At the dirty age of 45, my mind is not what it used to be and I have not won a video game championship in years. I want to share my stories of pain, suffering, and glory while playing video games with you. Act 1 is the first installment of my Patreon video game history. Because my Patreon is new and I want you to know what to expect from me, this short story is open for all to see.

If you want to see or unsee more of this to help children that are battling terminal illnesses, take the time to check out my subscription tiers. As little as $1 can provide a child with a pacifier that could be a shield to deflect their siblings evil farts.

Thank you for reading and I hope to see you again. 

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