Sunday, January 5, 2014

Wildstar WILL Fail!

Right now I have 26 friends that are in the Wildstar beta and all hate it.  Without breaking frieNDA I'll vaguely explain why Wildstar will fail.

1. WoW Clone to the Glutinous Maximum:

From the art style to the old-school raids,  Wildstar has ripped pages out of the vanilla WoW book. Why would anybody invest their time in a new game when WoW is perfect? I've went over it in my head for minutes and I can't figure out why anybody would stop playing WoW for any reason. 

You have everything you could ever want in an MMO in WoW.  You have:

A.  A great community

B.  A perfectly balanced game

C.  Millions of people to play with

D.  Quests that make you think

E.  Epic mounts and pets you can pay cash for

F.  Up-to-date graphics

M.  No bugs or exploits

U.  Dynamic combat

2. Their ideas are muddled and stupid.

They have these weird ideas that they think are funny, but they're not.  I find myself watching their Dev Speak laughing to myself.  When I laugh I should be doing it loud and in somebody's face,  not alone in my house eating a whole bag of chips and washing it down with booze. Those videos make me sad on the inside.  I feel like I'm being left out of the joke and everybody hates me.  Never mind,  you don't understand my pain.

4. There is already a WoW we don't need another one.

Many games have tried to emulate WoW and all have failed.  What makes people think they can compete with WoW?  They can't! They should just give up.  WoW reminds me of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. At the end of the movie we know the Wilde Stallions is the band that will bring world peace.  We know WoW is just that,  but a game.  We just need to accept it as our savior.

Obviously you can see why it would be a waste to play Wildstar.  I just scratched the surface with that list.  Not to mention you have to pay $15 a month for Wildstar!  That's just ludicrous!

I'll break it down easy for all the deaf fanboys.

You go to the grocery store to pick up some eggs,  milk,  sausage,  bacon,  and salsa to make a spicy breakfast burrito. You pay and you're about to get in your luxury car to go home to your model wife, when a fat chick on a scooter slaps your nuts and drags you on the back of her scooter. She then drives crazy spilling all your groceries in the street.  Holding on for dear life you latch on to what you think is her boobies,  but it turns out to be 2 McDonald's Happy Meals stashed in her bra. She comes to a jerking stop at a chapel with a banner over the door with your name on it and what you assume is her name.  She clubs you over the head and the next thing you know you're married to her. 

That, my friend, is Wildstar!

The moral to the story is:

You had everything you ever wanted with WoW and you go and screw it up by messing around with Wildstar (man I almost typed Warhammer Online). Just think next time you go last minute shopping for a new game. You could end up in the corner crying yourself to sleep eating an all beef patty with secret sauce. 

Mark my words... Wildstar will fail! I gave you all the evidence you'll ever need.  Now go forth and log back into WoW and forget about Wildstar.

12 comments:

  1. you sir got some real issues

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  2. Thank you! My therapist said that too

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  3. I just have to say... I am happy you are back :)

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  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. Huh... Well it was a nice read though the title should probably be "Why "I" think Wildstar will fail."

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  6. WoW is perfect? Perfectly balanced game? Quests that make you think? Up-to-date graphics? No bugs or exploits? HAHAHAHAHA.... HAHAHAH.. HAHA.. Oh wait, you were serious?

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  7. you are right ... and all these Wildstar Fanbois suck so much ...

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  8. You are a simple wownazi. Heil Blizzard ho! You think you have millions of players behind your back and you feel you are strong. You are a piece of sheet. An empty piece of sheet.

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  9. I need to work on my sarcasm I think. That or morons are reading my blog.

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  10. Historys worst review about game.

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