Thursday, January 23, 2014

How Movies Deep... ly Impact Us.

Yesterday I talked a little about my mistakes in life. I would link that post in this post like many blogs or news sites do, but if you're too damn stupid to look down 1 post, you probably should stop reading now. Anyways, now that all the smart people are still here reading, I can continue with my thought provoking post.
Today, I want to talk about movies that have impacted my life in one way or another. There is a lot of stuff to cover, so I just wanted to focus on movies that have changed the way I've looked at life. I've seen billions of movies so I'll narrow it down to my top 5 life changers.

Like everybody else, there are really personal things that have changed my way of thinking over the course of 39.4 years. On a less personal level, movies have been there for me when I really needed a great life's lesson. Whether it was a time in my life I bonded with the tone of the movie or an "Oh shit!" moment I needed to shock me into taking the next step into growing up, movies have been there for me.

The movies I'm going to talk about are not all Oscar award winning movies. They are not my top 5 movies of all time either. I don't sit at home every weekend watching these movies memorizing lines. They are just movies I can look back in my past and remember how they changed me psychologically in one way or another. I didn't even put the movies in chronological order or some scale I created mathematically depending on my feelings cross referenced with my age. The list below is numbered so I don't go over 5 movies. Other than that, it's just me living the moment.

1. Bambi:

When I was a kid I remember seeing this movie and being devastated for years to come. Actually, I'm still devastated by this movie. I bought it for my kids when one of them was a baby and I tried to watch it for the memories; that was a horrible idea.

I sat there with my small child next to me almost in tears.  Bambi brought back so many emotions I walled away in my psyche. Watching it again broke that wall down like a wrecking ball being greased up my Miley Cyrus' naked body.  The things I tried so hard to hide from myself as a child, all came back to me in a flood. Bambi was the movie I realized how horrible death can be. Not my death, but the death of my parents in a forest fire only YOU can prevent. Smokey the Bear was a lying sac of shit and an asshole for not telling me fires can kill my parents.

Watching the movie as an adult didn't ease the way it changed my life, it changed it again. Knowing what I know now and not what I didn't know then, I came to the conclusion: Bambi is a boring movie I will never watch again. I dislike that movie and my kids are banned from watching it. I hate it!  HATE! BAMBI I'M SORRY I LOVE YOU!  I hate that movie.

2. Superman:

This was the first time I discovered  superheroes. At the ripe age of 5 or 6, I saw the original Superman movie. It changed my life forever in many ways. First, it made me realize I couldn't fly.  At that age I thought I could do anything because nobody told me I couldn't. I figured if I wanted something bad enough, it would come true. My life had no bounds and even gravity couldn't keep me down, it did.

Luckily for me, I climbed only about 4 feet off the ground before I took my first leap of faith. It was then I discovered faith is only part of succeeding. Still to this day I don't know what went wrong. I can feel my faith still inside me as strong as it was back then. I will not give up my dream to be a superhero. I will give up my dream to fly though.

That day I knew I wasn't Superman and I would never have the ability to shoot bad CGI laser beams out of my eyes,  but I discovered how I could be a superhero. I knew then being a superhero wasn't about powers,  but about how I treat others every day of my life.  I could be a hero by telling the truth, being kind, loving, gentle,  and do my best to treat others with respect and integrity.

I've spent my time as a father teaching my children how to be superheroes too. I let them know they can do anything they want as long as it is good and doesn't involve jumping out of trees. Their lives are limitless and no superpower can defeat a kind heart. In teaching my kids this,  I've become a stronger superhero because I've passed on my powers to the next generation to evolve away from hate and jealousy.

I've had them all watch every Superman movie that didn't suck. After every movie I explain the true meaning of being a superhero to them. I tell them they CAN fly, not physically, but mentally. Their thoughts, dreams, ambitions, and faiths have no bounds if they always do what they think is right.

3. A random hardcore adult film:

Notice how I move from sweet, innocent, caring, father to PORN? Don't worry, I didn't randomly put these 2 movies together. I always have a plan. You might need to poke around a bit to find out what it really means to you.

Like most kids these days, pornographic movies or websites are where we lose our innocence. Something about porn that a parent or school teacher can't really put their fingers on to make kids understand what sex is really NOT about. You can explain what sex is to a kid or show loving sexual educational videos, but nothing can prepare you for porn.

The first time I saw a porno I just sat there dumbfounded while I watched, *SLURP*, mmmmhhhh baby you taste good (did she just fit all that penis in her mouth?) , *GURGLE*, ahhhhh put it in my ass (holy shit where does she want it?), *LICK*, oohhhh it feels so good when you link my pussy Debbie (OMG there is a woman licking another woman's fuzzy bits), ect ect. I won't get too graphic.

In a matter of seconds into the movie my heart was racing and my zipper 's teeth were stretching to their limit. I didn't know what to make of all the fluids splashing around the screen so fast. It was exotic, gross, exciting, intimidating, and overall WHAT THE FUCK!

To this day I don't understand porn, but I continue to research it to build on my hypothesis for my master's degree. I still wonder what movie it is I saw. Like the acting in these movies, the title just didn't blow me away. Does it really matter what it is though?  Even the titles or actors in the  movies on this list don't matter, they are all important because of how they kick started one event or another in my life through emotional evolution.

4. American Werewolf in London:

This movie changed me twice in my life. The first time was when I saw it on HBO as a kid and the second one time was when I watched it again as an adult.

When I was a kid I snuck downstairs at night and watched this on the TV when everybody else was asleep. I disobeyed my mother for the first time in my life (well, it was the first time I really remember doing it on purpose). I wanted to see this movie so bad I wouldn't listen to my mother's objections. After all, I was a kid and I knew what was best.

The movie scared the shit out of me. I remember quietly returning to my room with the images of the horror flick burned into my retinas. I sat in my dark, dark, dark, room trying to get the images out of my head. I was terrified. What seemed like hours, I laid awake in my bed trying not to cry. I couldn't handle it though, I knew my mother was right and the only way I was going to get any sleep was to sleep with her.

I ran into her room sobbing uncontrollably. Too ashamed to tell her what I did, I just lied again and told her I had a nightmare. Like a great mother she was/is, she dried my tears and made me feel safe again so I could sleep.

Probably 20 years later I had the urge to see this movie again. I wanted to face my childhood demons and find out why this movie scared me so much. What I didn't expect was how drastically my views on life had changed. This movie put it all in perspective for me.

As I watched the movie again, I laughed at it. The movie was a horror comedy. As an adult I finally "got it". Yes the movie was graphic, but it was also intentionally funny. I was too scared as a kid to understand the movie for what it really was. Watching it again was that moment I could point and say,  "this is growing up."

5. E. T.

E. T. was a life changing movie for my generation. I would guess this movie changed a lot of people around my age when it first came out. It was the best movie of my childhood, sorry Star Wars.

Not only was this movie packed full of an emotional roller coaster, but it was the first movie I fell in love with an actress. Exactly the same age as me, Drew Barrymore stole my heart. She was the first love of my movie life. The whole alien and lighted finger could jam up someone's ass for all I cared; Drew was enchanting to me.

If you've read any of my writing you know Drew still holds a piece of my heart. I'm not stalker in love with her, but I did brief my wife and she has agreed not to kick Drew out of bed if the opportunity ever arises. You can never take away a person's first movie crush, it would be cruel. So Drew Barrymore if you're reading this, I want to touch your Covergirl boobies and my wife is ok with that. Call me...

So there you have it, the way movies have helped me grow up and get boners.


  1. When I was in 8th grade, my older brother showed me some Horse porn. A girl doing a changed the course of my life forever