Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Mistakes

I've been thinking about mistakes a lot today. I've made a crap load of them in my life and it's time to reflect on them.

It's always easier to point at other people and say,  "What the fuck were they thinking," than to point the finger at yourself. Seriously,  what was Drew Barrymore thinking when she married Tom Green? I'm still a bit pissed at her for that.  That and what was my boss thinking when he hired "that" bag of shit?

I could go on and on about mistakes other people make everyday, but it takes a good blog post to acknowledge my mistakes. Some of my mistakes are minor like running around the house with a jock strap on my head while my mother had a Tupperware party or pissing on an electric fence to see if it really does work. Those are easy to accept because they happened a long time ago and now they are funny. But what about the huge, life changing,  adult mistakes I've made?

I've made a quick list of my top 5 mistakes and added a little funny commentary to each one to help me not cry myself to sleep tonight.

1. Not staying in college:

Now that I'm old and my biggest fear is trying not to shit myself when I fart, I regret sleeping through classes in college and staring at the girl with giant beasts in my clad I didn't sleep. Staying in college would've helped me with my writing and possibly my career as a writer.  My English teacher told me I was a great writer and my major as an architect was wrong for me.  It was the most surprising complement I ever got in my life because I never thought about being a writer.

When I failed out of college I went in the military because I didn't want to stay around my family as a failure.  Leaving was the best thing for me. In the end it turned out to be a good mistake, but now I regret never becoming a writer and staying in college.

2. Marrying my 1st wife:

To this day I ask myself, "Duuuuuuuuuuuud WTF," and I just draw a blank. I have 3 great kids with her and she is a good person, but knowing what love is today, I never really loved her. I was just lonely. I admit,  I was a little depressed in my early 20's because I never had sex.  I could've had sex, but I was too shy. I don't think I would've ever got with my ex-wife if she wasn't such a raging slut.

As I said, I have the best kids in the world, but I made a big mistake getting with her. It's one of those badges I need to hang around my head in shame forever. A little bile wells up in my throat when I think of the things I did with her 3 times a week for 6 years.  Yup, I puked a lot little in my mouth just then.

3. Blogging:

From the start of my blogging "career"  I've had my head up my ass. I strut around thinking hits and comments don't matter,  but when I write my MASTERPIECE and nobody reads it or comments (see several masterpieces below),  I throw a fit and delete my blog. 

For the past 5 years of blogging I've had over 5 blogs. Some I started and only posted once before giving up (see www.nexusrangers.blogspot.com). I'm an emotional writer,  what can I say? Now I'm back and lack the 1000+ hits I got a day on Scary Worlds. That's a square punch to my egos balls. I guess I was hoping for a gentle juggling of them. I feel really stupid for my blogging career.

4. Gaming:

Don't get me wrong I love gaming, but most of the arguments in my house is about gaming. Not my gaming, but my kids. I get so mad at my son for putting gaming ahead of his life. As a father I do limit their game time to only weekends, but my oldest son go's balls-to-the-wall nuts over his gaming. He is compulsive at times and I always have to rein him in.

This is ally fault and my mistake for buying them all the game systems and loving games as much as they do.  I know all the arguments don't worry,  "well you could be a fanatical sports dad or hunter or masturbator... Ect"  I know,  but damn the fight for moderation in anything is hard. I just want my kids to grow up and not make the mistakes I've made. These mistakes.

5. Being lazy with my career:

So my dream job as a writer is probably never going to happen (not saying it won't, but see #1 mistake. Poor me I know), but why am I so lazy with my real career then? It's not that my job sucks I like my job, but I can't seem to ever get motivated to excel without being pushed.

There are more times than I can count I've been passed up because I lacked the training to do the next better paying job. Not because I couldn't get the training,  but because I put the training aside to be lazy and do other things like... Write blog posts about my mistakes. I really could be taking this time to study_____, but this is so much more fun.

I can look at all these as mistakes, lessons learned, glass is half full,  fuck my life, or meh I love my life the way it had turned out so far. Anyway I think about these things as mistakes or blessings in disguise, I'll always wonder... What if.

6 comments:

  1. The road to success is paved with failures.

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  2. Look man... one of the things I love about you is that you always lay everything out on the line. While our styles differ a lot, you have always been a bit of inspiration for me, especially as I entered into this whole blogging every day madness. Scary always blogged whatever the hell he was thinking... and in part I try and do that myself. Mistakes suck but the fact that you are evaluating them means you have learned something from them.... and similarly have exited all the wiser for it.

    It is possible to live a pretty charmed life like I do and still get bummed about things. Today was a prime example. It is easy to get mired down in the what if game. For me it is like I can only go song without having a day where I am just generally bummed out about everything. When that happens it seems people usually either kick my ass in gear or give me a big damned hug. I will be around to throw you whichever you need :)

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  3. It's only a mistake if you didn't learn from it, and it sounds like you've picked up some good lessons.

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  4. I know what it's like to marry the wrong person (even if she is a good person), and realize it only years later. I wish I could have figured out where my Scooter was many, many years ago. Then again, I wouldn't quite be the person I am today if I had. And I certainly wouldn't appreciate her the way I do.

    You, man, are the real thing. That's what I love about this blog. All your blogs. Like Bel said, you really put yourself out there, and that is always worth reading.

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  5. I just want to say thank you for your wisdom.

    Love you man!

    -victor stillwater

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