Tuesday, January 28, 2014


I promised my son I would write 300 blog posts this year to help motivate him into writing more. At the age of 10 he dreams of being a writer and illustrator. I'm trying to do everything I can to cheer him on. I just don't have the heart to tell him, blogging is like that hobo we see outside of the music shop playing his banjo for loose change in a world of plastic money.

I know most kids dream of being something that they never do when they actually become an adult, but cheering him on will only build a drive inside him to do what he loves. Being a writer doesn't make me push him anymore than if he wanted to be a plumber, it helps because I understand his desire. I would gladly go to Home Depot and buy him a youth plunger for our clogged drains and toilets. Shoot, I'd buy him a whole carpenter's belt full of tools if he was as passionate about nasty globs of hair as he is about writing and drawing. Thankfully, he only wants to shit in the toilet and not pull them around the pipes.

So, I bought him a bunch of journals to write in. I even bought him a Wacom drawing pad for the computer. Everyday we talk about stories and what he's drawn lately. To top it off, I promised him 300 blog posts in 2014. I'm the best dad ever?!?!

My son thinks blogging is is as good as being a published writer. Da'fuck if I'm gonna to tell him the truth about blogging. This shit is Santa Claus of writing for all he knows. You tell him the truth and I'll break both your kneecaps. Hopefully when he gets older and realized what a blog really is, he'll have the habit of writing and won't be too devastated by my lies. It's not like I'm doing porn telling my kid I'm a famous actor. I'm harmlessly banging away at words on the Internet not diseased humans.

So about those 300 posts...

It's not like 300 is impossible or some kind of world record. I have several friends that blog everyday or at least attempt to (you should stop being an asshole and click the links. Don't just stare at them CLICK!). I'm not going to blog everyday it's not in my life's schedule to whip out my phone and start banging away at the screen on my weekends. I'll attempt to get 300 posts this year by blogging when I feel like it. Some days I might blog 2 or 3 times and some days I'll put a bag over your head and laugh at you around random corners of the world... Marco...

Info note: I don't know if you know this, but I don't put links on my blog very often. I'm a bit selfish and I fear nobody will love me if I point out better blogs. You see a blog roll on the side bar of my blog? No... are you sure, look closer. That's right, there isn't one because I'm selfish. Thanks for making me look like a total asshole with no blog roll. It's best if you just click on the damn links. Thanks now back to my regularly scheduled programming.

Act like nothing happened in italics and continue...

As the best father in the world (the coffee cup reminds me of that every morning), I plan to write the best damn blog posts I can from now until 31 December 2014. I'm going to put my heart into every post and make every one of them creative in their own way. You won't see a cheap ass post like:

*stuffy boring voice* It's Friday again. I bought some new pants because my old ones had shit stains in them. Ya, they were old pants *bored snoting noise because my nose is even trying to run away from this horrible post*. I bought a shirt too. That's all, I think. I'm going to hang up the post now and wipe. I made it to the potty today *clunking of toilet paper dispenser *.

I'm going to own this blog! I'm gonna come here whenever I feel the urge and post about stuff and junk, mostly junk. One day you might get some up beat post and the next you'll need to be held tightly at night while you dab away your tears. That's how I post! I slap this shit on the Internet like, *POW* *BAM* *BOWNTCHICKAWOWWOW*! Like I said in my first post way too far in my blog archives to link:

"I'm going to bring a banjo, you bring your jar full of pennies (pennies is a metaphor for comments because I look like a total douchebag writing like this and you can't bother to run back to your car to grab one fucking, sticky penny from your drink holder so I don't look like a total loser in front of this music shop while my kid is in the store dreaming of grandeur at the baby grand piano! *sigh* I feel better thanks :)

That is word for word quote. You don't believe me? Well mister/miss Smarty Pants, you'll just have to click every post to find it.

What ass coming to MY blog trying to tell me what I did or didn't say... THE NERVE!


  1. I'm not sure what just happened, but I think this post had sex with me.

    1. You're lucky...all I got from it was a coupon for 15% off dry cleaning.

    2. Trust me, that coupon will get the shit out and save you buying new pants that give you a muffin top until you break them in.

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