Thursday, January 9, 2014

I Remember

Something horrible happened this morning and I feel numb to it. There was a death.

Through our lives we build memories and have billions of experiences.  The experiences that have the largest impacts on our lives become lasting memories.  We take those memories and experiences to morph into the adults we are or become.  These things compounded together make humans all special and unique. I reflected on my life when I heard what happened and I judged who I am.

I think back in my life and try to visualize those moments that made me who I am today.  The largest things that stands out have rushes of emotions attached to them. Even today I can pull on those emotions to build on my life experiences. Good or bad I am who I am and I'm glad for ever experience I've had.

I remember...

... the first fight I lost.  I got in a lot of fights,  but this was the only one I lost and it was my last fight until I was an adult. I let my guard down and got hit in the temple so hard the world went black and I pissed myself.  I remember the pain and embarrassment.

I remember...

... the day I found out my grandfather was brain dead from an accident.  Seeing those tubes in his neck and watch hang machines breath for him for over a year is something I will never forget. At 11 years old I faced mortality for the first time.

I remember...

... every single one of my kids being born.  Trust me,  it's not pretty to watch,  but it was beautiful. To see them breathe for the first time and to feel their breath on my cheek as I held them,  was the first time I  cared for the mortality of another person.

I remember...

... the day I found out I was a failure.  My wife called to tell me she wanted a divorce.  My mind went blank and I knew, This is what failing really is.  To fail my family was something I never thought of possible.

I remember...

... when I met me current wife.  I knew then that sometimes failing doesn't mean I'm a failure.  I might fail again,  but I'm willing to take that chance. I never know when something great will happen.

From knowing pain,  death, life,  disappointment,  and love I've had a great life.  I might not be as awed by experience,  but I look forward to what tomorrow will bring.

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