Friday, August 1, 2014

#Blaugusting

Right now my work schedule is nuts! I'm still going to try to do a post every day this month, even on my birthday. Yeah, August is the month my mother jettisoned me out of her ladies bits. This year I turn 40 and I realize I can die any minute now. You might want to worry if I don't post everyday this month. You never know, I could just stop being any second now. If you're not reading this right now that means I died before I even posted it. Are you reading this? Did I make it to the next paragraph?

Luckily, I made it this far. I pressed the space bar, felt a bit light-headed, and continued with: Luckily, I made it this far. I pressed the space bar, felt a bit light-headed, and continued with: Luckily, I made it this far. I pressed the space bar, felt a bit light-headed, and continued with: Luckily, I made it this far. I pressed the space bar, felt a bit light-headed, and continued with:

Wow, a whole paragraph of me repeating myself. Old people do that a lot. I fear my lawn is becoming more important to me and stairs are a challenge not a place to play Hot Wheels.  It's getting harder and harder to stay positive about things and take time to have fun.

People around me are dying left and right. My best blogger friend, River died recently at the age of 42.a guy at work just died from a heart attack at age 46. In the early 1960's the average age was 35 for adults. I don't know about you, but I'm a bit worried I could die soon. I always thought as a kid I would only survive to age 42. I have 2 more years left on this earth according to my math. I'm good at math too. If you haven't noticed yet, I'm a bit of a genius. In the 1960's I would've been considered a Greek God of sorts.

When I turn 40 this month I might inject myself with gamma rays or replace my blood with nanobots. I feel if I live forever, I could save humanity from itself. What do you think? Should I tap into eternal life and rule the Internet?

Talking about the Internet I plan on ruling, Belghast has a really awesome idea for community orginess. I always try to help build friendships over the Internet with cool tasks like this. I never know, one of you could be carrying my casket to my final resting place next week, month, year, second.. It's ok to cry.

So, I'm extremely busy this month. I'm going to try to blog everyday even if it kills me. I might have to make toast while I'm in the bathtub or tweak lighting rods on a cell tower on the Perfect Storm, but I will try my damnest to post everyday this month. Just to prove I'm better than you. It's ok to envy me. I have a large penis and hot wife too. I can feel you now lusting. Bring the sins to me.

If I haven't been taking from this world in the month I came into this world, expect me to post everyday. You've been warned!

5 comments:

  1. As someone who is already 40, and is in worse shape than you...fuck you.

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    1. 40... hah. I have socks older than 40.

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  2. People are dying left and right every day. Sometimes it just happens to take place nearby us so we notice it more.

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  3. Dude, you cry more than my 12 year old niece who JUST got her period. I had double bypass surgery at 38. Diabetes. Cirrhosis from said diabetes. The back of a 85 year old man with 2 surgeries already, at 31 and 39. Nut up son!

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  4. So while I am only 38... I think I have developed the opposite attitude. 40 represents the halfway point, maybe a little less. I have all the time I have existed to date to look forward to. I mean we are all dying from the moment we are born, if it happens... it happens. But I find it best not to dwell upon the bad and focus on the good I can do in the meatime.

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