Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Warlords of Draenor's Fatal Flaw Could Lose WoW Millions of People!

Yesterday,I played WoW for several hours and revisited my past ideas about gaming in the future. That's when I remembered how Warlords of Draenor could be the end of gaming as we know it. How this expansion will be the nail in the MMO coffin. A coffin not laced with soft silk or leather that helps rotting flesh turn into gelatin ooze, but a coffin made of cold hard steel... Filled with maggots and your dead body laced in sugar. Your toes might even be dipped in chocolate sauce with popsicle sticks jammed in between your toe and toenails so the maggots can have dessert on a stick. That's how revolting WoD is.

Last night while I was asleep, I had an out of body experience. For several minutes I tried to whisper in my own ear to roll over to get off my pee boner. Not only was I crushing my penis, I was lowering my sperms count with the extra heat my man-hammer was producing. All that extra blood increases the area temperature exponentially. If my wife happened to trip and fall on my cock in the middle of the night I would only ejaculate empty life the first time. Only after icing my balls and waiting for the reservoirs to fill up again, could I fulfill the purpose of manhood properly.

I must have heard my mental pleas because my soulless body flipped over and my boner catapulted the cat off the bed. Don't worry, the pussy wasn't hurt. Without hesitation, my soul hesitated before leaving the bedroom. As I left the bedroom and headed towards the computer room, I had an a revelation or a moment of salvation. Maybe it was a slight fungus irritation. No matter what it was, I felt like I was in touch with all of creation. I knew then I could finally play WoD without speculation and reservation.

I slowly sat down at my spectral computer and started to play WoD for the first time ever. Quickly the game's largest flaw jumped out at me and scared a little pee out of my body in the other room. I stared at the screen for hours and hours trying to comprehend what I just saw. I was flabbergasted Blizzard would do such a thing. After 10 years of having a highly successful MMO they were going to ruin it all in less than a day after release.

To try to help Blizzard out of dooming themselves, I submitted a bug report with the title: "IMPORTANT! YOU'RE SERIOUSLY GOING TO FUCK UP YOUR GAME UP WITH THIS! YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME! ARE YOU LISTENING? THIS IS BATSHIT CRAZY!"

I waited hours or seconds to get a reply. Unfortunately, nothing came. My heart sunk and fake tears rolled down my imaginary cheeks. I knew then WoW is coming to an end. The apocalypse of gaming will come on November 13th 2014! I'm warning you all because I want you prepared. I need you to gather supplies now before it's too late. Don't forget the toilet paper and spiced rum. The second that rum hits your large intestines you're going to need that TP to catch the hot magma out your ass. Oh, and get hand sanitizer and air freshener spray.

My alarm went off and my soul slapped back in my body faster than the cat ran away from its late night penispulting. Without hesitation I wrote this blog post several hours later to warn you all. I'm warning you! When WoD releases you'll have to be ready. I suggest logging into WoW now and making a Horde character on Earthen Ring. After you do that, play with me! I'm a bit lonely and I would like company. Look up Scarybooster please. I love you!

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