Last week I was walking my dog down a busy street to break in my new Timberland boots, when a school bus full of children took him out. As my dogs lifeless body slid down the street like a bear skin rug on a moist Slip-N-Slide, I noticed his entrails on my new boots. A massive wave on anger rolled over me because I knew my boots were ruined forever. I wasn't mad at my dog or the careless bus driver puking on a 4th grader, I was mad at myself for dropping the leash in favor of my boots. How did I get so jaded and materialistic? What happened to me over the years to favor things over a living, breathing, being?
Yesterday I discovered, I never owned a dog and I don't like boots very much. I don't think I'd ever buy boots because they are so hard to break in. I'd probably need to get a dog just to wear the boots. I don't want a dog though. I'm afraid he'll get hit by a bus when I'm walking him to break in my boots.
Anyways, I looked deep inside myself and searched for answers to this revelation. I needed to understand the meaning of this searing pain in my heart. I needed to know why I was so jaded towards other people and their pets. Well, mainly towards other people. I needed to spend the day meditating on this, but unfortunately I had work and stuff to do after work so never got a chance to meditate. By the time I really got a chance to sit down and think about my situation, it was time for bed and I didn't want to deal with anymore crap for the day. It's always best to sleep on an enlightening moment in hopes it is forgotten in the morning. So, I slept.
This morning I woke up tired and beat down. I know my lack of sleep was due to my soul constantly tugging me awake at night to talk things out. Of course, I was in no mood to talk to that asshole until the morning. We had several pillow fights and my neck got a pinched nerve from all the tossing and turning. In the end I awoke like a man splashed with acid after shave. That and I had to pee really bad.
As I rushed to the bathroom and almost kicked the cat in my selfish state, I stopped dead in my tracks realizing what happened a week ago with my fake dog. I almost ran my cat over like a bus filled with pee, not people. Grief washed over me as urine warmed my thighs and pooled around my feet. I knew then when the warm yellow liquid, not meant for popcorn, I was a horrible member of the Wildstar community.
More grief washed over me and I fell to my knees splashing piss like Michael Jackson splashing in puddles in his Bad video. I too, felt bad and I should've just beat it, but I was in no mood and I already had a mess to clean up. I had to clean up the mess I made with the Wildstar community. That is why I'm now writing this apology post. I need to right my wrongs and tell my story. Tell you all why I'm such a horrible person and I only meant what was best for me in the end.
FLASHBACK TO THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF WILDSTAR YEARS AND YEARS AGO...
I remember the day I first heard about Wildstar like it was the day after yesterday. I'm not sure when it was or exactly what I was thinking at the time, but it's all foggy and muddled up in my mind now. I remember the game was called Wildstar and I wanted to play it as soon as it was in beta, maybe sooner if I could. Sooner is always better.
I was excited for the game and I knew it was an MMO I wanted to play. Of course, I play all the MMOs, but I really wanted to play Wildstar. I remember their humor like it was my own humor, but with less swearing. I had the urge to reach out to Carbine Studios for a fun interview. They ignored me. I started a new Twitter handle and started writing fan fiction for the community. They ignored me. Quickly I became angry as a saw new people starting up Twitter accounts gaining followers by the dozens a day. They all skyrocketed to thousands of followers and I was left at 100. My heart sank further and I became jaded towards the community. I blamed them for my lack of commitment to the community and the game.
ENTER A WEEK AGO WITHOUT A DOG OR BOOTS...
My anger festered and popped in a molten bust of puss and hair. I couldn't take being ignored anymore, so I blamed them. They ignored me. I was out of options, so I bought some new boots and took my dog for a walk knowing I would return home without a dog or boots. I would return home to silence and darkness in my heart. I had nothing left to give to a community I really didn't have the time to give anything to in the first place.
You see, I love Wildstar with all my heart for at least 30 days. As an old gamer with 3 kids, 2 cat, a hot wife, a demanding job, a rock hard body with rippling muscles, a female friend that constantly wants to have sex with me, back problems, insomnia, other MMOs, a blog, a podcast, and other things that add up to ridiculous excuses, I realized I never gave 100,% to Wildstar like those other guys with 1,000's of followers. It was my own fault I wasn't an upstanding member of the Wildstar community and nobody knew my name, Norm!
Here I sit crying knowing my name will never be immortalized in Wildstar. There will never be a mount called "The Scarybooster". Man, I wish I could be mounted and rode hard from quest hub to quest hub. It will never happen though because I don't like boots.
You see, the dog, the boots, and Wildstar are all the same. I never gave any of it a chance enough to become a great member of the community. It is my fault and my selfishness overtook my love and care for the game. I threw away everything I ever stood for just for attention I will never receive. And for that Wildstar community, I am sorry.
Unfortunately, there is nothing left for me to do, but apologize and disappear into the mist littered with gorillas. I will never be the Silverback or the Silverback's go-to-gal. I will just be me and silently enjoy the game. I will try to help others and bring joy to those playing for the first 30 days, but you will not know me as a great leader. I am ashamed I wasn't a better person to you all.
I hope you all forgive me for my selfish ignorance. I hope Wildstar brings a smile to your face everyday you play it, as the developers meant it to. You see, it's not about the dog, the boots, the messed up bus front grill with chunks of meat hanging from it, or even the bloody street some minimum wage city worker is going to have to clean up after maggots start to eat the carcass, it's about the children. It's about how they'll be affected for the rest of their life if they don't get to enjoy Wildstar and it's beautiful community. I don't want to be that guy to show them Nexus can be a bad place with selfish people like me.
I'm ashamed and from now on I'll be more positive and show the community I'm here for them when I'm not busy. Thank you for reading I love you all very much, figuratively like the dog and the boots.
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