When I was younger I got my wife (now ex-wife) pregnant with our first child. I remember how excited we were to have a baby. For 9 months all we could do was talk about our plans for the baby and how great we are going to be as parents. We talked about our future in great detail. Not just 9 months later or the first few years, but a lifetime of plans together with our new baby.
Some of our plans were:
1. Be Super amazing parents and nurture our child every step of the way.
2. Teach our child together with the same rules and responsibilities.
3. Love our kid and each other.
4. Send him/her to the best collage in the world.
5. Have him/her do all the sports because we have superhuman genetics.
6. He/she should win the Nobel Peace award.
7. World peace... Definitely!
8. Best kid in the world without a doubt.
9. He/she is going to make us billions! BILLIONS!!
10. I'll be surprised if the baby doesn't come out speaking with a British accent holding a martini.
For 9 months we had a perfect life. Well, except when she was in a hormonal bitch-fit. Other than that though, life was perfect. We would walk around with birds singing our names and other women would line up to touch mypenis wife's belly. Damn, when is somebody going to shake the real creator of this baby?
About 2 weeks over the due date we had our first baby. Our first of 3 sons. My wife was a total ass to me in the delivery room. There was blood everywhere. I needed sleep. Her vagina was a mess. What the hell happened to the martini? The whole birthing thing did not go as planned at all. It wasn't bad, but nothing could've prepared us for it. Not even stupid books or past experience of other people. Our baby was unique in his own way coming onto the world. Unique is not perfect.
Several years after our son was born and everything on our list of hopes and dreams was burned, we decided to try again. I remember standing naked over my wife after using her like a Chucky Cheese Skeetball machine thinking to myself, "this time, this time, I must have got it in the 500 hole!"
9 more months later, I realized my wife wasn't pulling her weight in the gene pool. That is the only way to explain the messed up coding our kids were coming out with. I knew it wasn't me. I did my job. I gave a 110%. My heart sunk and my marriage fell second to trying to fix the imperfections in my kids.
Third times a charm right? Wrong! No matter how much love you put into sex, it doesn't improve the sperm or egg quality in the end. No matter how much faith you put in your hopes and dreams, things we create have a life of their own. There is only so much you can control before it starts to control you. My 3rd son made me realize it was my fault. Yes I tried my hardest, my wife did too, we were super hyped each time, we believed they were going to be perfect, but life is never perfect.
Even though I love my kids dearly, I know their faults just like I have my own. My expectations of them was as expected from a new parent. We don't create life in hopes it's mediocre, average, or even slightly above average. We create life in hopes it's the best, better than all other life, and everyone will worship what we created. Even Superman can't live up to those expectations. Our hype is misunderstood by ourselves and by others. No wonder we always feel let down and depressed by it.
There are days I just sit with my kids and think about them and what I thought they were going to be like. I think about my list and how the only problem with it was me. The feeling of creating life is intoxicating. When I made the list I was drunk on my own life not the one I created. I don't ever regret being overly hyped about having children, it was the best feeling in the world. I regret feeling disappointed by the expectations of everybody else. I should've never sought their approval and loved my kids for who they were not who society expected them to be. To this day I believe my kids are perfectly who they want to be and that's perfectly ok with me. I will love them forever.
Some of our plans were:
1. Be Super amazing parents and nurture our child every step of the way.
2. Teach our child together with the same rules and responsibilities.
3. Love our kid and each other.
4. Send him/her to the best collage in the world.
5. Have him/her do all the sports because we have superhuman genetics.
6. He/she should win the Nobel Peace award.
7. World peace... Definitely!
8. Best kid in the world without a doubt.
9. He/she is going to make us billions! BILLIONS!!
10. I'll be surprised if the baby doesn't come out speaking with a British accent holding a martini.
For 9 months we had a perfect life. Well, except when she was in a hormonal bitch-fit. Other than that though, life was perfect. We would walk around with birds singing our names and other women would line up to touch my
About 2 weeks over the due date we had our first baby. Our first of 3 sons. My wife was a total ass to me in the delivery room. There was blood everywhere. I needed sleep. Her vagina was a mess. What the hell happened to the martini? The whole birthing thing did not go as planned at all. It wasn't bad, but nothing could've prepared us for it. Not even stupid books or past experience of other people. Our baby was unique in his own way coming onto the world. Unique is not perfect.
Several years after our son was born and everything on our list of hopes and dreams was burned, we decided to try again. I remember standing naked over my wife after using her like a Chucky Cheese Skeetball machine thinking to myself, "this time, this time, I must have got it in the 500 hole!"
9 more months later, I realized my wife wasn't pulling her weight in the gene pool. That is the only way to explain the messed up coding our kids were coming out with. I knew it wasn't me. I did my job. I gave a 110%. My heart sunk and my marriage fell second to trying to fix the imperfections in my kids.
Third times a charm right? Wrong! No matter how much love you put into sex, it doesn't improve the sperm or egg quality in the end. No matter how much faith you put in your hopes and dreams, things we create have a life of their own. There is only so much you can control before it starts to control you. My 3rd son made me realize it was my fault. Yes I tried my hardest, my wife did too, we were super hyped each time, we believed they were going to be perfect, but life is never perfect.
Even though I love my kids dearly, I know their faults just like I have my own. My expectations of them was as expected from a new parent. We don't create life in hopes it's mediocre, average, or even slightly above average. We create life in hopes it's the best, better than all other life, and everyone will worship what we created. Even Superman can't live up to those expectations. Our hype is misunderstood by ourselves and by others. No wonder we always feel let down and depressed by it.
There are days I just sit with my kids and think about them and what I thought they were going to be like. I think about my list and how the only problem with it was me. The feeling of creating life is intoxicating. When I made the list I was drunk on my own life not the one I created. I don't ever regret being overly hyped about having children, it was the best feeling in the world. I regret feeling disappointed by the expectations of everybody else. I should've never sought their approval and loved my kids for who they were not who society expected them to be. To this day I believe my kids are perfectly who they want to be and that's perfectly ok with me. I will love them forever.
*Sniff* Thanks for that.
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