Going Down

I haven't blogged much lately because I've been studying for an important test I need to pass to be eligible for a promotion at work. It's a test to see how much I know how to lead others and manage resources. I failed... Twice.

The problem is, I think my answers are right. I cannot comprehend what I did wrong. Obviously, I'm too stupid to be a manager. This failure got me thinking about me. About how I've always failed at what I wanted to do with my life. Simply because I am not smart enough or talented enough to figure out how to pass. Yes, I'm very hard on myself, but it's because I care about everything I do. It seems I'll never be who I want to be no matter how much I seem to care.

When I was younger I wanted to be an artist. Looking back at my art and the excused I used when I quit drawing, I see I just sucked at art and it wasn't the fault of my blunt art teacher telling me my drawings sucked. I truly sucked at drawing.

I look at my 10 year old son's drawings and see a lot of myself in him. He sucks at drawing too, but I keep cheering him on not wanting to tell him he'll never be an artist. I tell him how to succeed, but like myself, he just is too lazy to practice at it enough to become good. He'd rather play video games or watch YouTube about video games. Like his dad.

A little bit later in life I wanted to work for NASA doing NASA stuff. Mainly, I wanted to stare at shit in the sky and get paid for it. I quickly learned you had to be smart for that and I would rather play Super Mario Bros on NES.

At about the same age as myself, my oldest son wanted to be a paleontologist. Lucky for him he learned quicker than I did and sat down in front of the PlayStation 3. As a high schooler, he has 0 aspirations to do anything except play games. Great dad I'm becoming.

I understand we all make our own choices and you have either the Victor or Victim mentality. For years I was a victim and I blamed my choices on everything except the real problem, myself. Looking at my past blog posts and social media writings I can see how much of a victim I saw myself as. Even now I feel like video games are my downfall. The hard truth I have to accept is, it is my own damn fault. I choose to play video games when I could've studied more for my test. Yes I studied a shitload for the test, but 52 hours spent playing Destiny, 100+ hours playing WoW, 50 hours in Wildstar, 50 in ESO, Warframe, ArcheAge, Firefall, ect ect ect...  Over 400 hours I spent playing games the past year I could of I used studying more.

I understand it's nice to take a break and relax, but I probably spent 40 to 1 playing games I stead of studying. If this promotion was so important, then why didn't I manage my time better? That's right, the test was on management and I failed it. Obvious things are obvious. Not to mention the countless hours on social media just being a total asshat to get attention when I could've be studying more.

I'd like to talk myself I'm going to change, but I really don't want to. I'd rather fuck off for the rest if my life getting paid for exactly what I deserve for my effort. Whatever makes me happy right? Too bad it doesn't make me happy that's why I completely play games like a drug to escape my failures. It seems like a catch 22, because I know I'm too stupid and lazy to do anything that would make me happy. Might as well ignore it and play more games.

What's funny in all this is this blog post. I've been told by a lot of people I'm a good writer. I wanted to be a writer at one time. I thought making a blog would help me do that, but over the past 6 years doing it I've discovered I'll never be one. I'm just too lazy for it. That and I misunderstood what I actually wanted out of a blog. I thought I would get feedback on my writing to help me become better at it. What I found was, nobody wants to read what I want to write. People just want to read drama and hate. Gamergate is the perfect example.

For over a month now this massive bitching about gamers and journalists have been going on. It's really pointless. Most gamers are middle to lower class, have an addiction, sees themselves as victims, and starves for attention. The game journalists are exactly the same. Gamergate might as well punch itself in the nuts every morning when it gets out of bed for all the good it's doing the community. Everyone just needs to realize exactly what I realized: you are all lazy, stupid, average, attention whores, addicted to games, and you'll never be what you dream of being because to always point the finger at others and not at yourself. All this gaming arguing is not doing anything, but proving we are all idiots. I am including myself in this because I know I'm no better.

In conclusion, this post is pointless. I'm going to go play a game now, so I can forget I will never be what I want to be.

Dear Samsung

Dear Samsung,

I preordered your Galaxy Note 4 and I’m having a difficult time waiting until October 17th. As I comb the internet, I see lots of famous Android websites with hands-on impressions. I feel sad I haven’t had the pleasure of caressing the new Note 4. What is even worse, I’ve been kicked out of my local Best Buy for hugging the Galaxy Note 3 and crying on the big, beautiful screen. My left ventricle is palpitating with sadness!

As a crazy consumer of electronics, I think I qualify for an early hands-on preview, but I understand I’m a nobody and it would not help your company’s public relations one bit. I understand there are millions, if not billions of people, that would love to touch a Galaxy Note 4 early. I understand it is only 16 days away and I could, theoretically, wait that long. Unfortunately, I could get hit by a bus in my living room at any time. Buses have been known to crash through houses randomly. Because my life depends on touching a Galaxy Note, I want to tell you a bit about myself to plead my case.
I grew up in the backwoods of New Hampshire. At times I had to hunt wild squirrels for dinner and use their fur to knit blankets to keep warm in the harsh winters. Back in those days there was no cable TV and I only owned a 13 inch black and white TV. I stayed up late at night just to watch Benny Hill or Jonny Carson. On Saturdays I watched Saturday Night Live on my tiny TV. I don’t even think Samsung was a company back then, but I still wanted a Galaxy Note 4. I could feel it in my young bones calling for me.

As I grew up and popped out 3 babies, I needed the best electronics to keep my sanity. I needed them! Over the years I’ve become a faithful costumer of Samsung. Currently I own a Samsung 59 inch plasma TV, a 22 inch Samsung monitor, a Samsung SSD, and a pair of sweat pants I wrote SAMSUNG on the butt in permanent marker. I even named my youngest child Sam after you. Shoot, I even named my 2 cats Sam and Sung. I tried to tattoo my wife’s butt with the word Samsung, because I can watch her ass all day long, but she wouldn’t let me. You see, I’m your number 1 fanatic!

Sadly, I know your company has nothing to gain from me previewing your product. Currently my Nexus 5 is broken and it is hard to write this post. If you didn’t know, I have been writing blog posts for 6 years from a mobile phone. I first started with the iPhone 1 when it first came out and only recently I moved to an Android device to write my posts. I now know I should’ve bought the Galaxy Note 3 last year instead of the Nexus 5. I would be writing this on it and praising your glory from a Note 3. Hindsight is 60/40 I guess.

Shoot, I would love to have a Note 3 while I waited for my 4! Imagine how fanatical I would be then? Why bother though, you have my love and last born child already.
At this point in my post I’m feeling anger. It is part of the grieving process and I can fully accept that. Why am I nobody to you? I’ve spent trillions of dollars (with the current emotional state I’m in I might exaggerate a wee bit) on your company and billions of hours thinking about how my life would of turned out if I just bought a Galaxy Note 3. All my friends told me to buy it, but I had to have the new hotness Google released. I’m so angry with myself now! I feel like throwing my Nexus to the Moon! Only if I bought that Note 3 my life wouldn’t be in such a discombobulated state. I’m starting to regret marrying my first wife now. Actually, I kind of do anyways. She’s a nice person and all and now that she is older she is not so pretty. I feel a bit better about getting a divorce now. Time hasn’t been good to her. I bet the Galaxy Note 3 is still as beautiful as the first day it came off the assembly line.

Part of my grieving process, I feel better now. I feel like I can go on even with this whole in my soul the size of a Note 3 or 4. As I wrap up my love letter to you I would like you to think about me, the little consumer blogger. I want you to send this to your boss in tears pleading my case. I want you to tell him/her how moved you were when you read this and how I could make your company sand out among the other phone companies. How your company has the heart to lend the little guy a Note 3 or 4 so he can praise you on the social networks. No other company would do this for the little blogger man. You would stand out and receive millions more love letters from desperate bloggers trying to make a name for themselves in such a cruel world. I can be your first.

I know it seems like I just have my grubby hands out looking for a freebie, but I’m not. I just want to borrow the Note 3 or 4 while I wait to pay for my 4 on October 17th. I want to show the world Samsung is the best phone company. All those other companies are heartless pigs, but Samsung is different! They love the little guy like me. It’s the holy thing to do in such depressing times.

So go now and show the bosses this post. Show them and DM me on Twitter! I’ll gladly give you my info and cats Sam and Sung. I love you Samsung!

Remember, when you go to bed at night holding your Note 3. As you put your Note on silent, tuck it in, and fluff its pillow, know I’m writing this on a Nexus 5 crying the whole time. Know I could contract Ebola and die before October 17th because I didn’t write this on a Note 3 or 4. I’m starting to feel faint now…/cough /cough /gasp…

5 Reasons Why World of Warcraft is The Best Game Ever Made.

I'm truly sick of people not playing WoW. I hate it when people get excited over the loss of subscribers. The only reason they hate it is because it is the best. It is the same exact reason why they hate rich people. I bet if you talk to a WoW hater, ask them what they think of Bill Gates, they'll rabidly hate him too. I'm sorry to tell you, but Bill Gates is rich because he is awesome and doesn't hate shit like a stupid poo poo head like you. You might want to take a look at your hateful life and acknowledge it's your own damn fault. Stop blaming others for your laziness and lack of taste for great video games.

Popularity breeds envy and jealousy, us smart people know this. Things are popular because they're the best. There had never been anything in history that was popular that didn't change the world. At the top of the list of things that has changed humanity is World of Warcraft. The last decade will go down in history has the decade we all said,  WoW!

Here are the top 5 things that makes WoW worthy of the history books and why it is the best game ever made. It's also, a list that proves people hate WoW because it's more important than their own lives.

5. 12 billion people have played it: Out of the 6 billion people on Earth, 12 billion have played WoW. That's right, that is 200% of the Earth's population that has played the game. How is that possible you might ask? Easy, let me explain for you dumber people. 50% of the world has tried WoW. 32% of those people own 4 accounts under aliases. 13% are registered as cat or dogs. 4% of the accounts are exotic animals. 21% of those accounts are dead people and some have been dead since the 1800's. 5% are account from people that don't even know they have an account and 95% of the active accounts are played daily by normal people. That only leaves an unknown percentage that are undecided.

4. In 2010 drug dealers were giving away free copies of WoW with every purchase of and illegal drug over an ounce: To me that proves WoW is the most popular game ever. If your drug dealer is willing to give away free copies, the game has to be the best game ever made. Also, 2010 marked the peak in WoW subscriptions and marked the worst time for reading Trade Chat. Why do you think [Anal]  chat became so popular during this time? That's right, prison folk were playing WoW. A little bit of Anal fun goes a long way in prison.

3. Dictionary changes were made because of WoW: As a direct influence of WoW, all dictionaries were changed to include the words- pwned, noob, newbie, nerfed, WoW, Tobold, ganked, and sammich. These words are used daily since 2004 and are now popular in other games that suck. These words would've never been thought of without the coming of WoW.

2. Prime Time TV: WoW is mentioned more on prime time TV than any other game ever made. Not only that, WoW has been featured in 100's of movies since it's coming. Once you make it to prime time and the big screen, you're considered more popular than Jesus. That leads me to number 1.

1. A WoW religion: In 2012 the first official World of Warcraft church was opened. The church is located in Westboro Kansas across the street from the Baptist Church. Services are held every Tuesday during realm maintenance time, as not to interfere with game time. Special services are held during rollback and hotfixes to pray for forgiveness.

In the Church of Warcraft or CoW, all walks of life and after life are welcome. The church is divided into 2 wings, Horde and Alliance. Staff are equipped with tazzers just in case someone gets too faction pridey. Please leave all weapons at home and Pandas are still not allowed at this time. Sorry, but there is no place for those animals in the CoW church. In the basement they named,  The CoW level, a buffet of goodies are served after the service. Extra loot bags are on sale just in case you want to take more than you can carry home. The CoW church is a profit only organization dedicated to building bigger communities even if nobody likes each other.

You see, WoW has proven itself to being the best game ever made. Again, the only reason people don't play it is because they hate the idea they might like something popular. They need to get rid of their rebel behavior and accept the fact WoW is amazing. You need to see a therapist and ask him/her what the hell is the matter with you. You need to stop bucking "The Man"  and play the best game ever made. I'm sorry, but you're just lamesauce (which was also added to the dictionary thanks to WoW).

The Extinction of Empathy

The other day we heard about the president of Carbine Studios, Jeremy Gaffney stepping down. We all know Carbine just released the subscription based MMORPG Wildstar. Jeremy has been fighting a deadly skin cancer for a long time. His family has had several members die of cancer. To help Wildstar release smoothly, Gaffney sacrificed himself for the game, company, fans, and his own personal reasons I can't understand. He helped keep continuity in the company during its most difficult time knowing that sacrifice could kill him. After the game released and it had several updates, he finally had time to take a breath and look at his own life. He stepped down to live another day.

Some of the gaming community saw this as the death of Wildstar. They "knew"  this was going to happen and they "know"  the next step for the game, death. Possibly the game is doing bad. Maybe, one of the reasons he stepped down was because of the stress of the game failing. No matter what the all his reasons were, he has cancer. He has a deadly disease that could kill him. For the rest of his life he has to try to live longer in fear of cancer. Fuck the game! His life is more important than a game. He is a living breathing human that had the compassion enough to chip away at his life day by day to produce a fun game for the world. Unfortunately, some people lack the empathy to realize his sacrifice. It's sad.

This is nothing new though. The lack of empathy in some is the cancer of humanity and the Internet is the harmful UV rays magnifying it. It's always been there, it's just mutating the rest of us faster and faster until we all die inside. It's spreading fast and we're not getting treatment for it. What can we do though? Am I going to try to cure the lack of empathy in the world? I don't know how and it's too bad for me to do it. Like Jeremy, I'm not going to give up fighting for what is right. I will not let humanity's cancer kill me. I've fought this my whole life and I'm not going to stop now. I'll tell you my story no matter how personal it is, I need to help others understand why I have unwavering empathy.

I grew up with the blood of other people on my hands. I don't know how many times my fist smashed into another kids face. I don't know how many kids I kicked in the gut with anger. I was constantly at war growing up because my mother was a lesbian. Nowadays gay people are more accepted, but back in the 70's and 80's it was not. Luckily, genetically I'm not to be fucked with. Not to mention my father grew up in Brooklyn in the 50's. A white boy in Brooklyn had to fight to survive.

After awhile, word got around I wasn't an easy target and it probably wasn't a good idea to pick on me. By 9th grade I didn't have to fight anymore. Well accept smashing a yard stick over another kid's face in English class when I was in 10th grade. The main reason I fought so much was the lack of empathy kids had towards my family. Their church going family couldn't fathom a sinning, happy family. Even though we tried to go to church and we're asked to leave, we still held tightly on the teachings of the Bible. We knew the real meaning was empathy, compassion, and live towards all living things.

The sad thing is, we kill each other over the same thing written by someone else. The Bible, the Tanakh, the Quran, the Pali Canon or Chinese Tripitaka, are all books teaching  people religion to teach them how to be compassionate, loving, and how to be empathetic towards others. They're all connected, but still we kill over their words. We have lost their meaning for our own pride and our own ideas. We constantly strive to be the right ones and force others to believe what we believe or we will burn in hell. My mother is going to burn in hell from the hate of what people think the Bible tells them. It tells them to judge, force, kill, rule, and spread like a cancer until we are all dead to live happy the way we want to.

Over the years I've been proven wrong. I've fought with "Bible bashers"  over living life happy in the words of God. I'm done fighting because I accept theirs and my own lack of empathy. I grew up fighting to save my mother from hell so when she dies and I die, we can be together as a family. I've chosen to go to hell with her because I love her. I've chosen to listen to what people say and have empathy and compassion for them. I radiate love to strangers in hope I can push back the disease that's spreading through humanity.

We've lost the true meaning of what it is to live life happy and understand why other people feel the way they do. Just look at Ferguson Missouri. A black boy was shot by a police officer and his body sat rotting in the sun for 4 hours while the people protecting and serving the community thinking they were doing the right thing by the law, lost their compassion and were blind as to doing the right thing as a loving human. What if it was their boy laying dead on the pavement? The police believed they were doing the right thing based on their Bible of laws. They still do. We've all forgotten how to do the right thing without laws or God telling us what to do.

No matter how or why, humans were given empathy, compassion, love, self awareness, egos, and a way to over think every damn thing. Sooner or later we're going to kill ourselves and become extinct like the other animals we killed off over the years doing what we thought was right.

Yesterday when I ranted about this I wanted to do something I have no idea how to do or start. How do I instill empathy into other people? How do I cure this cancer that is spreading? They say, "do not feed the trolls". That is correct you don't want to help the disease spread, but we need to cure it because it spreads no matter what. I was told,  "you first". Like growing up, I'm not afraid to get blood on my hands. I don't want to beat the shit out of anybody, but when it comes to doing what's right, I will stand my ground and fight.

This probably won't change anything, but I have to try. I'm sick of seeing people say horrible things. "Well, don't read it!"  Yeah, I could lock myself in the closet like my mother had to do for 30 years, but that will only hurt me by being ignorant. I need to read about things like Robin Williams' death even though some of the comments on articles seam like they came from robotic serial killers. I man devoted his life to making people laugh and sacrificed his own happiness by bottling up his depression until it killed him. He knew their was no hope in making people laugh anymore. We judge people with depression, anxiety, or mental illness like evil sinners. We lock them in the closet like the gays until they die. All because it's too hard to have a little empathy.

I will fight this hate not based on a book written thousands of years ago, but with my own love and compassion. My common sense. Everyday I'm surrounded by hateful people hiding behind books preaching what is right. They openly say,  "gay people are like sterile cattle, you just need to put a bullet in their head and burn their bodies because the meat is worthless too. They're a waste of life with no purpose... Praise God Amen!"

I've heard this and had to put my hands in my pockets and think of where they were coming from. To me they were wrong. They misunderstand the teachings of the books. I have to think I'm wrong too. I have to accept I'm going to hell. I have to have empathy towards them even if I don't want to. I understand them and I don't hate them for thinking that way. It's hard on me, but I have to stand strong for what I think humanity should be like with these gifts we've been give.

In closing I want to say thank you to you all for reading this. I want to thank Jeremy Gaffney for staying strong and helping make Wildstar. I only wish the best for the game even though I've stopped playing it for now. I know it's hard to read those bad comments, but their are great people in the world that can help push humanities cancer back into remission. Please take the time to have a little empathy, compassion, and love towards others. That is the only cure.

Being an Amazing D&D Dungeon Master and Dominatrix

Its hard being a woman gamer and a dominating figure in the bedroom. Two things that go hand in hand are fantasy role playing games and role playing in the bedroom.

At first I thought of this as a funny sarcastic post, but the more and more I thought about it, it became a serious topic people should know about and explore. Both things complement each other greatly and could be invigorating for a woman or her partner. First I need to explain what a Dominatrix is to debunk any myths or childish misgivings.

By definition a Dominatrix is:

"A Dominatrix (plural Dominatrixes orDominatrices) or Mistress is a woman who takes the dominant role in bondage, discipline(in the sexual-fetish sense of the word) andsadomasochism, or BDSM.

The capitalization of the first letter of Dominatrix is a formal convention used to convey respect and authority, and common forms of address for a submissive to a Dominatrix are "Mistress", "Maîtresse", "Herrin", and "Lady".

A Dominatrix might be heterosexual,homosexual, or bisexual; but her orientation does not necessarily limit the genders of her submissive partners. The role of a Dominatrix may not even involve physical pain toward the submissive; her domination can be verbal, involving humiliating tasks, or servitude. A Dominatrix may be a paid professional ("pro-Domme"), or may use the title of Dominatrix in her personal sex life"

You see a Dominatrix is finely skilled in the art of the sexual fantasy world. At no point is a Dominatrix out to hurt her submissive beyond their desired limits. They need to be in tune with people and focused on their role at all times. If they loose sight of their role and not plan ahead, they could hurt someone or piss them off. This is exactly the role of a D&D Dungeon Master.

For starters, a highly skilled Dungeon Master is hard to come by and a woman DM is even rarer. As with the role of a Dominatrix, a DM needs to know when to hit their players hard, when to play softly and when to reward them for their efforts. No matter if they have a 20 sided dice or a riding crop, they need to focus on their sense of people awareness. Reading people by their body language makes an amazing DM and Dominatrix.

In my opinion, a woman is more sensitive to body language, hence why more females are sought after as a dominating figure in BDSM acts. Most people think only men do these "gross"  things because they have "issues". Right there is an ignorant way of thinking. How many people think women don't game? As we've seen with a recent poll, more and more adult women are gamers. Our society is slowly breaking out of the stereotypical family roles and giving people freedom to do what makes them happy. Understanding BDSM as a fun way of releasing stress or sexual desires is not a bad thing. It's only bad when the person in the dominating role is bad at it and ignorant of their role. That goes for anything we do in life not just role playing.

I'm not an expert on either of the subjects, I only had an idea. Yes, my idea started out childish, but the more and more I read about both roles I understood how great they both were and how much skill it takes to be great at them. Not only that,  but how a woman is normally seen in a submissive role, just a player. But when a woman takes charge, it can be an exhilarating experience for both role playing experiences. The key for any man or woman doing either is to forget about who they are and feel what the other people are feeling. Pay attention to them and lose yourself in their moment. That's they key to being in a dominant position.

Lizard Squad Hackers Could Face Death Penalty

Last night I watched Dredd, Robocop, and The Amazing Animal Planet all at the same time. It got me thinking (pause for audience to realize that will never happen) about a future with Lizard people and strict justice. I fear a squad of elite lizard hackers would be sentenced to death if they were caught. As funny as it seems, cutting the heads off lizards is cruel. You can chop their tails off, but luckily it will grow back, not their heads. Why would you even cut a lizard head off? What kind of sick bastard are you? Let me tell you a story about my childhood...

When I was a new teenager around 11 or 15, I was confronted by a machine with human skin on. Years earlier I told the cops my mother was nuts because she said she had sex with Marty McFly. Marty was from the past,  but the future of the past future. He warned her of the coming apocalypse. Then he tried to have sex with his own mother. It's very confusing, but bear with me on the rug of imagination.

This man told me he was a Timecop and he could stretch his legs flat out on moving vehicles. Only his nut sack held his legs from ripping in two. He sat me down and adjusted his droopy balls out of the way so he didn't crush them and said to me,  "Son, V has come.  Not V as in vendetta, but V as in lizard people gonna take over your vagina or vasectomy."

I just stared at him for hours wondering which one I had. I was dumbfounded and perplexed at the idea of having a vagina with a vasectomy. It all sounded interesting. Unfortunately, his plan wasn't to try it with me. First, he wanted to remove the skin from his arm and yell, "Number 5 is alive!"

I was getting a little antsy and felt number 2 coming to life.  I needed to know who he worked for and how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop, 1...2...3...flush!

In the news paper I read while taking a break I noticed the rise in lizard people sightings. I knew then we were all doomed if The Amazing Spiderman couldn't win the fight. Sadly in the second movie his girlfriend dies and he gets snot all over the inside of his mask. I wonder how often he washes that? I know he's superhuman, but everyday he must get spit condensation on on the inside of it. It's kind of gross.

Anyways, I talked to John at lengths last night at the airport. He told me about last Christmas and yelled, "Yippee Ki Yay motherfucker" several times in my ears. I don't think anybody told him about the lizard problems in his pool at home yet. When he gets home and notices Gizmo got out and fell in, he's going to be pissed.

The movie Hackers was stupid!

Warlords of Draenor's Fatal Flaw Could Lose WoW Millions of People!

Yesterday,I played WoW for several hours and revisited my past ideas about gaming in the future. That's when I remembered how Warlords of Draenor could be the end of gaming as we know it. How this expansion will be the nail in the MMO coffin. A coffin not laced with soft silk or leather that helps rotting flesh turn into gelatin ooze, but a coffin made of cold hard steel... Filled with maggots and your dead body laced in sugar. Your toes might even be dipped in chocolate sauce with popsicle sticks jammed in between your toe and toenails so the maggots can have dessert on a stick. That's how revolting WoD is.

Last night while I was asleep, I had an out of body experience. For several minutes I tried to whisper in my own ear to roll over to get off my pee boner. Not only was I crushing my penis, I was lowering my sperms count with the extra heat my man-hammer was producing. All that extra blood increases the area temperature exponentially. If my wife happened to trip and fall on my cock in the middle of the night I would only ejaculate empty life the first time. Only after icing my balls and waiting for the reservoirs to fill up again, could I fulfill the purpose of manhood properly.

I must have heard my mental pleas because my soulless body flipped over and my boner catapulted the cat off the bed. Don't worry, the pussy wasn't hurt. Without hesitation, my soul hesitated before leaving the bedroom. As I left the bedroom and headed towards the computer room, I had an a revelation or a moment of salvation. Maybe it was a slight fungus irritation. No matter what it was, I felt like I was in touch with all of creation. I knew then I could finally play WoD without speculation and reservation.

I slowly sat down at my spectral computer and started to play WoD for the first time ever. Quickly the game's largest flaw jumped out at me and scared a little pee out of my body in the other room. I stared at the screen for hours and hours trying to comprehend what I just saw. I was flabbergasted Blizzard would do such a thing. After 10 years of having a highly successful MMO they were going to ruin it all in less than a day after release.

To try to help Blizzard out of dooming themselves, I submitted a bug report with the title: "IMPORTANT! YOU'RE SERIOUSLY GOING TO FUCK UP YOUR GAME UP WITH THIS! YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME! ARE YOU LISTENING? THIS IS BATSHIT CRAZY!"

I waited hours or seconds to get a reply. Unfortunately, nothing came. My heart sunk and fake tears rolled down my imaginary cheeks. I knew then WoW is coming to an end. The apocalypse of gaming will come on November 13th 2014! I'm warning you all because I want you prepared. I need you to gather supplies now before it's too late. Don't forget the toilet paper and spiced rum. The second that rum hits your large intestines you're going to need that TP to catch the hot magma out your ass. Oh, and get hand sanitizer and air freshener spray.

My alarm went off and my soul slapped back in my body faster than the cat ran away from its late night penispulting. Without hesitation I wrote this blog post several hours later to warn you all. I'm warning you! When WoD releases you'll have to be ready. I suggest logging into WoW now and making a Horde character on Earthen Ring. After you do that, play with me! I'm a bit lonely and I would like company. Look up Scarybooster please. I love you!

Blaugust 9th: Compact Penis

Sometimes it's hard...

In high school the locker room was a place of self-judgment. Everybody was worried about their own privates. Do I just have a compact penis? If they ask, I'm a grower not a shower. Should I pull on it a bit to make it look bigger? Maybe I should glance at the competition? Is that gay? What if I get a boner? Is it big enough? I'm sure women have the same self-esteem issues in the locker room. They compare breasts sizes and labia. Sometimes they soap each other up and giggle. I'm sure of it.

Even though we leave the locker room behind as we leave school, we never leave the self-esteem issues behind. We might not worry so much about our genitals as we grow older, but we still fret over being good enough. Social networks are always pitting us against each other to see who has the biggest epeen. As an MMO gamer and a social condor, I'm always flashing my balls to the Internet. Good thing I'm older and they droop a lot more. They're like a half full burlap sack of potatoes.

Games are my penis on the Internet. I always want my game of choice to be big enough and popular. I want others to look out of the corner of their eyes and admire my game. I want them to play it too. Together we can have a fun orgy playing a game I love. Trust me, I get all sweaty when I get on VOIP.

The problem is, I worry if nobody wants to play with me. I want to be surrounded by the varsity cheerleaders stroking my ego. When they start getting bored of my game of choice I worry I've become flaccid and blew my wad of fun. That's when I frantically start jerking around different games hoping to be pleasured once again. This is when I become creepy and start running after the cheerleaders stroking my ego yelling,  "play with me! Don't leave me! Watch me! I'm a grower, not a shower!"

Sooner or later I find myself all alone in the locker room with my dick in my hand and my towel on the floor. Nobody wants to play with me. I have a choice to either, play with myself or put some damn pants on and grow up like everybody else. Unfortunately, pants constrict the baby factory.  There's a time when we all need to leave the locker room and not care, even if we're feeling naked and insecure about ourselves. There is a time to move on and not worry what other people think of us. It's hard, but letting go a bit will open more opportunities to meet people without worrying about our penis.

... being an MMO gamer and social butterfly.

Blaugust 7th: I'm Special!

I never liked Final Fantasy. I bought FFXIV on a Steam sale. I played FFXIV for a week out of the 30 days and got to level 7. I didn't enjoy it. I was by myself. I felt lonely. I have cats. I want a dog.

Today I subscribed to FFXIV. I planned on subscribing to WoW. I don't know what happened. I don't want to play WoW. I feel I need to get my money's worth out of FFXIV. I'm going to try FFXIV. I'm not sure why. I like this blog post.

I think people think I'm nuts. I think you think I'm nuts. I'm not sure why I switch games. I still play DCUO. I still play Firefall. I still play with myself. I am special. I am a gamer.

I feel bad. I want to apologize. I feel crazy. I don't understand. I'm compulsive. I like games. I'm am adult. I love boobies. I can blog.

Blaugust 6th: Letting River Rest in Peace

Ever since River died I’ve been holding on to the things he loved most in his internet life. I’ve visited his blog weekly. I’ve thought about starting a character named after his character in Wow. I’ve thought of all kinds of ways to keep his memory alive. I don’t think he would appreciated it.

A couple weeks ago a co-worker died at work. He was as young as River and it was just as unexpected. As the days went on we told stories about him and there was a small memorial placed where he sat. Not being a big friend of the guy, I thought the memorial was a bit overkill and people needed to let go. Then, I thought about River and how I’ve been acting. I’m no better.

Recently, I thought about going back to WoW, actually I am going back to WoW because it won the poll. I thought it would be really cool to start a character in memory of River. No better than the silly memorial they have at work. Why would I play a game, River thought was fun for almost 10 years of his life just to ruin it by taking the fun out of the game? If I made a character named River I would have to look at the name every day I logged in and think about him being dead. I don’t think River would like that.  I need to play WoW for me and have the fun I want to. If I want to remember River properly, it should be by having fun. He is already immortalized in WoW by all the people he touched over a decade and all the people he pissed off. To me, that sounds a lot better. I truly can’t be the dick he was and love WoW as much as he did. I will play the game for me so I can have my own memories. There is no need for a memorial in his name.

That brings me to WoW and why I’m playing again. The poll showed WoW and Archeage tied in the end. I choose WoW because it is cheaper to get into and I know my time will be split between WoW, DCUO, and Warframe. Come September, I will be juggling Destiny. I’m not playing Wow because several of my other friends started playing again or because a new expansion is coming out; I’m playing it because it has always been a relaxing game to me. Every time I find myself floundering between MMOs, WoW is there to scratch the itch I’ve been having.

That doesn’t mean I’m done with other MMOs. I want to go back to Wildstar at some point, but right now I don’t have the “want to” feeling. I want to play DCUO and WoW right now. I thought I wanted to play FFXIV, but every time I want to play that game I remember how much I’d rather play WoW instead. Why play it if it’s just going to make me want to play WoW? Might as well get right to the roots and start there to watch my want grow. Of course sooner or later my want will die off and I’ll pollinate elsewhere.

The 10th Anniversary to WoW is coming and I’ve always said I want to be there for it because of the memories I have with the game. They are my memories and I wouldn’t want somebody posing as me to try to remember me in their own way. I would appreciate the thought, but play your own fucking game and have your own damn fun! This is your life enjoy it while you have it, because tomorrow you might not.

River would appreciate that more!

Blaugust 5th: Crazy For You!

Every time I boot up Twitch I think about why I stream. Why am I doing this? Why would anybody watch me? What can I do to make my stream more interesting? How can I make my stream more professional looking? I don’t want to make money streaming or get millions of viewers, I just want people that watch me to really enjoy the entertainment I’m giving them.

As I wrote yesterday, I would like to stream a game of my readers’ choice for 30 days. I never required them to watch the stream or read my blog, just vote for the fun of it. I’m an MMO gamer and a lot of the fun in playing MMOs is interacting with people.  A lot of the bad crap that goes on is interacting with people too. You can half glass it however you see fit. I prefer the glass has liquid to drink. Depending on the people at that time, the liquid can taste great or be some nasty sewage.

I’m really enjoying Blaugust because it brings out the good in the community. Like Belghast said in his post today, it’s not about cramming in posts everyday just to win a contest; it’s about learning the joys of writing on a schedule. It’s personally rewarding for me to write and stream. I love them both because it gives me a chance to express myself in ways real life won’t allow. Well, it will allow if I want to be put in a loony bin. I like to entertain and have fun in different ways, Blaugust gives me the chance to find a way in my schedule to take more time out to do the things I love. Just like finding time every morning at 5am to work out, I need to find my perfect time to set aside time to work out my creative side. This community project is helping that. Not to mention I’m finding more and more blogs every day that I enjoy reading. I’ve even discovered blogs that didn’t do the NBI. That in itself makes Blaugust a success.

So what is my point in streaming a game I want you to vote on, but I don’t care if you watch? Streaming is a way I can verbally express myself and hone my speaking skills. I’m not a bad speaker, but I love practicing and expelling my thoughts in an open forum like streaming. I’ve had people leave my streaming channel disgusted I didn’t talk about serious matters while I’m streaming. My stream is fueled by games, but the power under the hood is my ramblings. Until people give me any type of feedback, I will always have brain diarrhea on my streams. My blog is the same way. You either love the way I do things or you hate it. I have several good blogging friends that do not read me because they do not like my style; I’m ok with that and I never hold it against them. I love that they are honest with me and can tell me they do not read me, but they like who I am as a person.

No matter what you should vote on the game I should play. It’s all in good fun even if you don’t give a crap.