Why O Why Did I Pre-order Wildstar?!?!

Last night I did the deed, I refused my wife sex to pre-order Wildstar. What the hell was I thinking?!?!

I'm just kidding. My wife and I were like 2 Chuas fighting over the last slice of rowsdower bacon strip. And in normal human adult terms that translates to: I pre-ordered Wildstar, we went to bed, and as I leaned over to kiss her good night, my penis touched her leg and her breasts grazed my hand. Then, we slept great exhausted from our thought of going further than that. Sorry, but being intimate during the week is like guild events during the week lasting until 12am , I just don't have the energy for that.

Trust me you youngins, you get to my age and raiding becomes a chore if done during the week. If I stayed up that late raiding panties or a dragon with halitosis, I wouldn't recover for months. I wish I was as resilient as I used to be, but I'm not. I have pains, insomnia at times, children barfing on the cats, the cats barfing on the children, and my balls forgotten for months at a time; staying up late to play a video game is the last thing I need.

That being said, one of the things that interests me the most about Wildstar is the raiding. It also pissed me off the most. Over the last few months I've been going back and forth about buying Wildstar for various reasons to include raiding. In the end I made a list of why I wanted to play it and why I didn't. Obviously, the WANT exceed the NOT and I'll show you why...

WANT:

1. RAIDING AND WARPLOTS: These are exactly the same to me. I need a large group of people to achieve these and as a social gamer, that makes me horny. The thought of 39 dudes and 1 woman coming... together... sweaty... loads... of loot and fun, just gets my heart pumping with excitement.

2. HOUSING: Besides the fact that I'd like to see non-instanced housing, Wildstar's housing looks amazing. All the things you can do is jaw-dropping. Why they didn't go the route of having a in-game store filled with housing cosmetics to fund the game like Guild Wars 2 instead of a pay 2 play model, is beyond me. There is so much potential in making money through the housing aspect. I'm guessing NCSoft didn't want Wildstar to directly compete with GW2.

3. HUMOR: From the first day I heard about Wildstar, the game clicked with me. I loved their stupid sense of humor. Even though it is ridiculously over-the-top at times and very childish, I can connect with it somehow. I love the fact that when I level up the sounders says to me, "YAY YOU FUCKING DID IT SHIT FOR BRAINS! YAY FUCK YAY FUCK FUCK FUCK YAY!!! fuck."

That subtle type of humor just makes me smile. My life day in and day out is serious business and it's nice to go home and let my pubes out from time-to-time. Bushy Bushy Blonde Hair Do! You know, the game might be too cartoony or not worth the $15 a month, but those little moments I spend smiling at the stupid shit Wildstar has to offer is worth the free 30 days.

NOT:

1. RAIDING AND WARPLOTS: I know deep down in my heart I won't be able to raid or do Warplots. For one, I can't stay up late enough during the week to even massage some fantastic boobies. Second, the other boobie. Third, the people I guild with are just like me, old. We have families, full-time jobs, puking pets, neglected boobies, laundry, alcohol to be drank, depression pills, lack of interest after 30 days because of the monthly payment, and we're damn exhausted from all this. It just pisses me off!

2. HUMOR: Some days the game is just too "in your face". I'm a human being and that means I get grumpy and annoyed. I just don't feel like having "Las Vegas Strip"  experiences every night. It's fun to do in little doses, but after awhile I can see myself becoming numb to it and annoyed. Now I know how my wife feels when I speak. I'm the last guy you'd think would be annoyed by unnecessary humor, but it might surprise you to know I annoy myself a lot. BALLS! Most of the stuff I write I say to myself, "Haaa Haaa Haaa... Man, I sound stupid. Why did I write that? People must think I'm crazy and gross and more crazy and nuts and and and..."

You really need to be in the mood for ridiculous humor. This game and my blog will suffer the same fate in the end because of our childish behavior. FAME AND DRUG ABUSE!

3. COMMUNITY: This kind of piggybacks humor. Because the game fosters a pompous, over-the-top cockiness, the community comes off as just plain dicks. Imagine a League of Legends community that all think they're Jim Carry. Odd to think I think this is a negative, but when I'm playing a game I'm polite, helpful, and a damn nice guy. My blog is that other guy. I know how and when to turn off the dick. You could say I'm a pornstar and the Wildstar community is a bunch of frat boys daring each other to fuck elm trees. Sad thing is, they don't know they're being dicks they think they're funny. You're not, you're a dick!

Makes my stomach turn thinking a Wildstar fan will read this. I might have to throw up on their cat. Makes me sick!

4. THE ELDER SCROLLS ONLINE: I love TESO and playing Wildstar is going to take time away from that. Why I chose to pre-order Wildstar only hinged on 1 WANT and yesterday that WANT happened. I'll tell you about that in a bit.

After thinking about missing TESO game time and playing Wildstar with TESO, I felt relieved. I'm the type of gamer that hops from game to game every month and having 2 fresh MMOs to hop between sounds a little exciting. Like an orgy. Unfortunately, that will put me behind (and when I say behind /wink) my guild mates that hop between games. That don't stick with one game more than 30 days. That are as ADHD about MMOs as I am... Maybe, I won't get too far behind double penning these 2 games?

WINNING FACTOR:

THE RIVER

Yesterday he announced he will try Wildstar, but he's not too sure about the game. It kind of sounded a lot like me, but with more ice cream.

You see, River and I go way back as bloggers. You could say we're the OG's of MMO blogging. We don't take no shit. We don't conform to the ass kissing ways. We post dafuckever we want, and some developer once gave us pieces to the same skeleton. That kind of makes us brothers in blogging. You don't throw that shit away and if your brother is going to kill some shit in a game, you stand by him killing some shit. Unless, he doesn't log in and you have time to kill some shit while your wife is soaping up her milky white, silky soft, breasts in the shower. Then and only then, we shall not stand as one.

In all seriousness, River is a great friend and his pre-order of Wildstar made it a no brainer for me. Most likely we'll just play it for 30 days and he'll go back to WoW and I'll play TESO, but it's that 30 days the Latency Lowlifes will ride again, that makes it all worth it to me.

... Oh and fuck you feminist! You're welcome River!

EDIT: It seems I was mistaken and River lied to me, by not pre-ordering the game. He never said he pre-ordered the game, but when I said River I meant Rowan. Even tho Rowan isn't like River and is way more polite, I consider him a soft OG like me. Good thing he pre-ordered the game!

DOUBLE EDIT: Soo, Rowan didn't pre-order the game either...  I'm sure some motherfucker pre-ordered Wildstar and I'll play with him! Nunyall evar evar evar have my back during a zombie apocalypse! You all be trippin my ass just because you think it's funny! Stupid Wildstar bunny chicks and gerbils making me talk to the bushes naked in front of the police station!

Wildstar, The Elder Scrolls Online, World of Warcraft Oh My!

One day you're running though the field killing all the flowers; the next day your dead body is giving life to flowers some other asshole kid is going to trample over.

A new beautiful game is given life and it's human nature to crush the shit out if it so nobody else can enjoy it. Whether it's on purpose or by ignorant accident, people are so self-absorbed they don't care what they kill. Kill it with hate or love, it is still dead in the end.

It's a person's right to walk the path they walk and if their feet fall carelessly out of laziness, gingerly with love, or bat-shit crazy with hate, it's that person's right. Good on them for choosing the path they walk.

As I get older I've gotten more pains, seen the doctor's more frequently, and felt more and more weak inside and out. These new games spring up full of life and energy like I used to have.  The older they get the more withered and useless they become. Like me, they will die and be forgotten. But it's the journey we take not the end right? We breed to pass on our legacy and our memories.

Games are like our babies and through them we can express ourselves and pass on our life experiences. As we're parenting them through their adolescents we choose to love, ignore, or beat the living shit out of them because frankly, the baby is ugly and stupid. As a community of gamers we are the step-parents to these games when they launch. We didn't stay awake for 24 hours on launch day while the developers pushed their baby out their vagina. No! We came 4-5 years later holding a bottle of Jack Daniel's tugging at a ball of lint-yarn lodged in our bellybutton that smells like rotten cheese. As we drunkenly look down at our new kid we adopted we say to our loving, developer spouse,  " What the fuck were you thinking!"

From that moment on we decided how we're going to parent that child. Like the many flowers we've stepped on over the years, we choose how to proceed. Unfortunately as creatures of habit, we'll treat the game they way our parents treated us growing up. Of course, we're free willed too and we can choose a different path if we want. It's harder, but it could make the future of all games better. Most likely, we won't though.

In the end, you're going to be dead and that game you passionately loved or hated won't matter anymore. You're dead and most likely if you took the time to poor all your energy into loving or hating video games...

... You're like me and nobody is going to start a meme to remember you or set up a monument. We're just flesh waiting to nourish the spring flowers.

Hotdog Social

As some of you know,  I've been blogging for a few years off and on.  I normally blog about video games,  but once and awhile I talk about my life growing up. Of course that is never as exciting to readers as shiny new video games.  Oh how gamers are so serious about their games. Curse you if you don't like their game! That type of thinking made me come to the conclusion:  blogging is a giant Hotdog Social.

 

What is a Hotdog Social?

It's when you get a bunch of leftover pieces of whatnot together,  blend it up,  pack it in to a dick shape,  slap it in processed crap that is meant to bloat you with bullshit ingredients,  cover it with colorful extras,  and feed it to a bunch of mindless fatasses trying to shove 6 or 7 in their mouth at once smearing lard all over their faces.  Somebody is bound to choke and die. That is game blogging at it's finest.

I never conformed to the format of regurgitating news stories or licking some developer's balls just to feel special when they commented on my blog or retweeted me on Twitter.  A developer to me is someone I want to pick their brain and figure out where their creativity comes from. I ask them a question,  they ignore me,  fuckem! They answer my question or socialize with me,  great they just made a new friend. Other than that,  they're just another person I wouldn't recognize in an empty room. 

So why am I blogging again if I don't want to talk about games or shove hotdogs down my throat?

Because I want to express my creativity through writing and if that involves games from time to time or dual wielding genital shaped food,  so be it. I might come off as a self righteous jerk,  but really I just want to have fun. If you've read me before and enjoyed it,  feel free to tell other people I'm back. You might want to warn them though,  because this shit is going to be crazy.

Don't expect anything. Expect everything!