Going Down

I haven't blogged much lately because I've been studying for an important test I need to pass to be eligible for a promotion at work. It's a test to see how much I know how to lead others and manage resources. I failed... Twice.

The problem is, I think my answers are right. I cannot comprehend what I did wrong. Obviously, I'm too stupid to be a manager. This failure got me thinking about me. About how I've always failed at what I wanted to do with my life. Simply because I am not smart enough or talented enough to figure out how to pass. Yes, I'm very hard on myself, but it's because I care about everything I do. It seems I'll never be who I want to be no matter how much I seem to care.

When I was younger I wanted to be an artist. Looking back at my art and the excused I used when I quit drawing, I see I just sucked at art and it wasn't the fault of my blunt art teacher telling me my drawings sucked. I truly sucked at drawing.

I look at my 10 year old son's drawings and see a lot of myself in him. He sucks at drawing too, but I keep cheering him on not wanting to tell him he'll never be an artist. I tell him how to succeed, but like myself, he just is too lazy to practice at it enough to become good. He'd rather play video games or watch YouTube about video games. Like his dad.

A little bit later in life I wanted to work for NASA doing NASA stuff. Mainly, I wanted to stare at shit in the sky and get paid for it. I quickly learned you had to be smart for that and I would rather play Super Mario Bros on NES.

At about the same age as myself, my oldest son wanted to be a paleontologist. Lucky for him he learned quicker than I did and sat down in front of the PlayStation 3. As a high schooler, he has 0 aspirations to do anything except play games. Great dad I'm becoming.

I understand we all make our own choices and you have either the Victor or Victim mentality. For years I was a victim and I blamed my choices on everything except the real problem, myself. Looking at my past blog posts and social media writings I can see how much of a victim I saw myself as. Even now I feel like video games are my downfall. The hard truth I have to accept is, it is my own damn fault. I choose to play video games when I could've studied more for my test. Yes I studied a shitload for the test, but 52 hours spent playing Destiny, 100+ hours playing WoW, 50 hours in Wildstar, 50 in ESO, Warframe, ArcheAge, Firefall, ect ect ect...  Over 400 hours I spent playing games the past year I could of I used studying more.

I understand it's nice to take a break and relax, but I probably spent 40 to 1 playing games I stead of studying. If this promotion was so important, then why didn't I manage my time better? That's right, the test was on management and I failed it. Obvious things are obvious. Not to mention the countless hours on social media just being a total asshat to get attention when I could've be studying more.

I'd like to talk myself I'm going to change, but I really don't want to. I'd rather fuck off for the rest if my life getting paid for exactly what I deserve for my effort. Whatever makes me happy right? Too bad it doesn't make me happy that's why I completely play games like a drug to escape my failures. It seems like a catch 22, because I know I'm too stupid and lazy to do anything that would make me happy. Might as well ignore it and play more games.

What's funny in all this is this blog post. I've been told by a lot of people I'm a good writer. I wanted to be a writer at one time. I thought making a blog would help me do that, but over the past 6 years doing it I've discovered I'll never be one. I'm just too lazy for it. That and I misunderstood what I actually wanted out of a blog. I thought I would get feedback on my writing to help me become better at it. What I found was, nobody wants to read what I want to write. People just want to read drama and hate. Gamergate is the perfect example.

For over a month now this massive bitching about gamers and journalists have been going on. It's really pointless. Most gamers are middle to lower class, have an addiction, sees themselves as victims, and starves for attention. The game journalists are exactly the same. Gamergate might as well punch itself in the nuts every morning when it gets out of bed for all the good it's doing the community. Everyone just needs to realize exactly what I realized: you are all lazy, stupid, average, attention whores, addicted to games, and you'll never be what you dream of being because to always point the finger at others and not at yourself. All this gaming arguing is not doing anything, but proving we are all idiots. I am including myself in this because I know I'm no better.

In conclusion, this post is pointless. I'm going to go play a game now, so I can forget I will never be what I want to be.

Dear Samsung

Dear Samsung,

I preordered your Galaxy Note 4 and I’m having a difficult time waiting until October 17th. As I comb the internet, I see lots of famous Android websites with hands-on impressions. I feel sad I haven’t had the pleasure of caressing the new Note 4. What is even worse, I’ve been kicked out of my local Best Buy for hugging the Galaxy Note 3 and crying on the big, beautiful screen. My left ventricle is palpitating with sadness!

As a crazy consumer of electronics, I think I qualify for an early hands-on preview, but I understand I’m a nobody and it would not help your company’s public relations one bit. I understand there are millions, if not billions of people, that would love to touch a Galaxy Note 4 early. I understand it is only 16 days away and I could, theoretically, wait that long. Unfortunately, I could get hit by a bus in my living room at any time. Buses have been known to crash through houses randomly. Because my life depends on touching a Galaxy Note, I want to tell you a bit about myself to plead my case.
I grew up in the backwoods of New Hampshire. At times I had to hunt wild squirrels for dinner and use their fur to knit blankets to keep warm in the harsh winters. Back in those days there was no cable TV and I only owned a 13 inch black and white TV. I stayed up late at night just to watch Benny Hill or Jonny Carson. On Saturdays I watched Saturday Night Live on my tiny TV. I don’t even think Samsung was a company back then, but I still wanted a Galaxy Note 4. I could feel it in my young bones calling for me.

As I grew up and popped out 3 babies, I needed the best electronics to keep my sanity. I needed them! Over the years I’ve become a faithful costumer of Samsung. Currently I own a Samsung 59 inch plasma TV, a 22 inch Samsung monitor, a Samsung SSD, and a pair of sweat pants I wrote SAMSUNG on the butt in permanent marker. I even named my youngest child Sam after you. Shoot, I even named my 2 cats Sam and Sung. I tried to tattoo my wife’s butt with the word Samsung, because I can watch her ass all day long, but she wouldn’t let me. You see, I’m your number 1 fanatic!

Sadly, I know your company has nothing to gain from me previewing your product. Currently my Nexus 5 is broken and it is hard to write this post. If you didn’t know, I have been writing blog posts for 6 years from a mobile phone. I first started with the iPhone 1 when it first came out and only recently I moved to an Android device to write my posts. I now know I should’ve bought the Galaxy Note 3 last year instead of the Nexus 5. I would be writing this on it and praising your glory from a Note 3. Hindsight is 60/40 I guess.

Shoot, I would love to have a Note 3 while I waited for my 4! Imagine how fanatical I would be then? Why bother though, you have my love and last born child already.
At this point in my post I’m feeling anger. It is part of the grieving process and I can fully accept that. Why am I nobody to you? I’ve spent trillions of dollars (with the current emotional state I’m in I might exaggerate a wee bit) on your company and billions of hours thinking about how my life would of turned out if I just bought a Galaxy Note 3. All my friends told me to buy it, but I had to have the new hotness Google released. I’m so angry with myself now! I feel like throwing my Nexus to the Moon! Only if I bought that Note 3 my life wouldn’t be in such a discombobulated state. I’m starting to regret marrying my first wife now. Actually, I kind of do anyways. She’s a nice person and all and now that she is older she is not so pretty. I feel a bit better about getting a divorce now. Time hasn’t been good to her. I bet the Galaxy Note 3 is still as beautiful as the first day it came off the assembly line.

Part of my grieving process, I feel better now. I feel like I can go on even with this whole in my soul the size of a Note 3 or 4. As I wrap up my love letter to you I would like you to think about me, the little consumer blogger. I want you to send this to your boss in tears pleading my case. I want you to tell him/her how moved you were when you read this and how I could make your company sand out among the other phone companies. How your company has the heart to lend the little guy a Note 3 or 4 so he can praise you on the social networks. No other company would do this for the little blogger man. You would stand out and receive millions more love letters from desperate bloggers trying to make a name for themselves in such a cruel world. I can be your first.

I know it seems like I just have my grubby hands out looking for a freebie, but I’m not. I just want to borrow the Note 3 or 4 while I wait to pay for my 4 on October 17th. I want to show the world Samsung is the best phone company. All those other companies are heartless pigs, but Samsung is different! They love the little guy like me. It’s the holy thing to do in such depressing times.

So go now and show the bosses this post. Show them and DM me on Twitter! I’ll gladly give you my info and cats Sam and Sung. I love you Samsung!

Remember, when you go to bed at night holding your Note 3. As you put your Note on silent, tuck it in, and fluff its pillow, know I’m writing this on a Nexus 5 crying the whole time. Know I could contract Ebola and die before October 17th because I didn’t write this on a Note 3 or 4. I’m starting to feel faint now…/cough /cough /gasp…