Doomed Podcast

I set out to do a podcast in a sea of podcasts. I knew it would be hard to gain traction, but it seems nobody wants to hear me talk. On Monday I will post my last podcast with The River.

To date, I've posted only 2 podcasts. I know that is not a fair try, but 2 podcasts with less than 25 downloads in almost a month costing me $7 a month, isn't worth it to me. I love doing it, but I feel the 11 downloads a podcast is just pity listeners. People that like me as a blogger and want to help out. I've thought it over and over and I can't justify spending the money to listen to myself talk. I had a feeling it was doomed to fail only because I'm not even a popular blogger. I finally got in my blogging stats yesterday and to say the least, it is depressing as a 6 year blogger. My last few post have only gotten 20 or so hits even with link bait titles. The difference is, blogging is free.

I think I feel this way because of the NBI. I go to new bloggers blogs and see 15-40 comments and know I can't even produce that in hits. I see gamers starting YouTube channels with no videos for a month, but they have almost 500 subscribers. Obviously, I'm doing it all wrong. I know my style is unique, but that just means I'm "special". That's never a good thing. Maybe I should conform to the masses and write monotone blog post with information. I won't do that though, because this is just my online diary of crazy I use to entertain myself.

I see all these NBI checklists of how to blog and I feel like an idiot. No matter how long the list is I can tell you, I'm not doing any of it. I write on a phone. I have for 6 years now. Editing is a pain in the ass. 90% of my blog posts get a once over read for obvious mistakes, then I hit publish. I don't know how many NBI post I've read that tell new bloggers they have to be strict in how they write. "You need to edit, edit, edit, edit! You need to have a plan! You need to schedule your writing time! You need to go to blogs! You need to not swear! You need to engage your readers! You need to... You need to... You need..."

FOR FUCK SAKE, IT'S A FUCKING BLOG MAN!

That sounds so stressful to me. This is how I write a post:

1. Hey brain what should I write about today?
2. How about a bird?
3. Sure!
4. Write, write,  write, words, words, words, giggle to myself, smile, giggle, PUBLISH!

And that is why I suck as a blogger! I'm not a blogger, I'm a person that likes to write shit I think of. Not some checklist of things I need to do to make other people happy. I've spent years doing this and I've quit several times because I felt I needed to conform to the blogging rules, not this time. Look at my blog. Do you see a blog roll? Do you see a donate button? Do you see a fancy banner? Do you see anything besides words? No, well except the damn cat pictures my wife posted. I write for the words. I love creating pictures with words. I'll never be a writer. I'll never be a popular blogger. I'll never be anything but a guy that writes words. I don't want any of those things. I just want to create pictures with words that make me smile. The technical crap and the stress of being a "blogger" can fuck off.

Don't take my advice if you want to be a blogger. I'm not what people expect out of one.

I've been called "The Drunk Uncle"  of blogging, good! Day in and day out for over 20 years I've worn a uniform, carried a gun, trained to survive torture, lived by rules, regulations, and not questioned a single one. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I've never done drugs and my life is dedicated to my family. If I can take an hour a day to write something to relax, I'll do it. Writing is my drug. It let's me discover new worlds with no boundaries. I can create anything with words. If people are offended by what I write or disgusted, oh fucking well don't read my world then. I need this like I need gaming. It gives me a chance to explore my mind. To me, that is what blogging is about. Not some strict checklist to please others.

That said, blogging is free. YouTube is free and streaming is free. I will do all this things because it doesn't financially obligate me to hope people like me enough to quantify my time, effort, and money. Ya I think it's sad I won't be podcasting, but it seems only I enjoyed it. I've thrown my name out there to podcast with other people, but they ignore me. To me that means I'm not good enough to grace their podcast. If I'm not good enough for them, then maybe I should look at what I'm doing and quit. It's like the guild leader in a guild of 1. Technically you are a guild leader, but you have no friends.

The River is like my best blogging friend in the world. We've spent over 4 years throwing around the idea of podcasting. I finally did it and failed. I'm not going out without a bang though. On Monday my podcast will be different. It will talk about past games, but it will not be a strict 15 minutes. I want to spend time with River to say some shit. I hope you listen to it, but I'm not counting on more than 11 downloads.

Thanks for reading. I'm done with this boring strict blogging shit, back to your regularly scheduled Drunk Uncle.

PS. 0 editing and it shows. 0 give a shit too.