If you're having game problems I feel bad for you son,
I got 99 problems but a game ain't one
99. You can't afford games, but you buy them anyways
98. Your wife is a bitch and won't let you play games
97. You gotta job and can't play games
96. You haven't had sex in a year because you play too many games
95. Your Internet connection sucks
94. You murdered a man over a game and now you're in prison
93. You're too smart and good for games.
92. Your failing school because you play games too much
91. Red Ring of Death... Fuck that shit!
90. Your graphics card needs an upgrade
89. You reproduced
88. Fired from your job
87. You bought the SWTOR CE and still hold a grudge against games
86. Porn
85. Windows 8
84. You bought a next-gen console that has 0 games worth playing
83. You're waiting for PC gaming to die
82. Your dog is in heat and it pissed on your PC
81. Your fat and the doctor told you to get off your ass
80. Midlife crisis
79. You blog about games instead of playing games
78. Forums depress you too much
77. You're sick
76. Your husband masturbates to JRPGs
75. You're too busy checking Twitter or Facebook
74. You refuse to pay $60 and a monthly fee
73. You're a dick and you nitpick every game that comes out so much so going makes you unhappy
72. You read Massively and think it's good...
71. Free to play games are beneath you
70. You've backed every potential Kickstarter MMO
69. You're having sex right now while you're reading this /high-five
68. You're now cleaning the sex juices off your face
67. Game of Thrones is on
65. Brandon Sanderson came out with a new book... See you in 6 months
64. You get on headset while you're playing Call of Duty
63. You do Crossfit and your hands hurt too bad to grip a mouse or controller
62. You're getting a divorce because of #98 and #86
61. You're too cool to play games
60. You and your wife got drunk and you flashed her tits on PS4 Twitch
59. You're in surgery to get the TV remote removed from your ass after a rage
58. You forgot to attach your Wii controller strap to your wrist
57. You live in Colorado or Washington and you have your priorities
56. Your momma told you video games rot your brain
55. You get a new partner and you're in the courting phase
54. You still believe in the "Good ol'days" of gaming
53. You think your opinion matters to help development of games
52. You're a member of a fan site
51. Holy shit I'm only 1/2 way
50. You read chat in an MMO beta hoping WoW isn't mentioned
49. You take off of games to watch the Olympics... Just sad
48. You're at Starbucks right now writing your novel instead of gaming
47. You tell people what to do in pick up groups
46. You role play in games
45. You're a feminist and you get in a conversation with River
44. You believe EA
43. The cable guy hasn't showed up yet
42. You let your teenage son use the Internet when you weren't home.
41. And you forgot to update your virus protection program
40. You believe game hype and buy everything, but you have nothing to play
39. You're a woman gamer and you tell random strangers that.
38. You tell every woman gamer you're a nice guy as you send them a picture of your penis
37. You think trolls are funny and mimic them
36. You think developers will follow you on Twitter if you're nice
35. You think you'll become famous streaming on Twitch or YouTube
34. You expect others to love the games you love
33. You constantly compare old games to new games
32. You're afraid it's a cash grab scam
31. You're going bald, you found a gray pube, and you're single. Nobody will love you as a gamer
30. You accidentally shot sperm on your $200 mechanical keyboard. Yup you popped that Cherry max
29. You have a blog and you think you're funny
28. Your in the military and you buy MMOs. By the time you get back from your deployments your guild has quit the game and disbanded... Assholes!
27. You theorycraft so much gaming is more of a job than fun
26. You think people are not all selfish
25. You only buy indie games because those developers are honest
24. You start a long distance relationship with someone that sends you a picture of when they were in high school. 300lbs and 10 years later
23. Seriously if you don't exercise your heart will stop and you won't be playing anything
22. You get a degree in game design and expect to be hired.
21. You beg for beta keys
20. You go to gaming expos and forget your deodorant
19. You think WoW is going to fail after they lose 1 million subscribers lulz
18. You think new MMOs will be "revolutionary"
17. Kill ten rats quests makes you mad
16. You're a guy that acts disabled to get money playing games
15. You pretend you're a girl to get free things in games
14. You take a week off work for a headstart
13. You game on a Mac
12. You're reading this
11. You play and love Candy Crush Saga
10. You game late at night and drink ridiculous amounts of caffeine to stay awake during the day.
9. You don't think Lord British is crazy.
8. If this isn't your game this time, you quit gaming forever
7. You grow up
6. You read beta impressions and take them to heart
5. Your guild and friends quit playing a game
4. Your account gets hacked
3. You're still broke from the Steam Holiday sale
2. You're waiting for it to go free to play
1. You bitch about games more than you enjoy them.
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