Tuesday, May 27, 2014

ESO Casual Frustration

I want to start this post off by stating how much I love ESO. The crafting is amazing. The game is beautiful. It is simple to find a group and the combat is extremely fun to me. I love ESO, but right now it's not for me.

Every time I log into ESO I become frustrated within 10 mins of playing it; I'm constantly forced to go back to town to empty my bags. It's a game breaker for me because I only get an hour or less during the week to play games and I don't want to spend 30-40 min of it in town managing my bags. This it my typical night in ESO:

1. Kill things for 10 min before my bags are full.

2. Port to town.

3. Go to vendor and see what I can sell to make money to upgrade my bags.

4. Notice 80% of my bag space is full of crafting materials that are worth 0 at the vendor.

5. Run to full bank to see what can stack.

6. Bags still at 50% full.

7. Run to crafting station to break down drops.

8. Run to another crafting station to break down drops that are not in same area as last crafting station.

9. See what I can craft to help level my crafting that is way behind my character. Which means I need to go back to newbie zone to farm... Screw that.

10. Go back to bank to see what can stack.

11. Bags still 40-50% full of crap I need to craft but my bank is full and the mats are 0 gold at vendor.

12. 30 mins in town has passed and I've only killed and quested for 10 mins. I now only have 20 min to play, max.

13. Port to where I was questing.

15. I log out in frustration knowing I'll have to do this exact same thing tomorrow and I'm still 400 gold short of getting more bag space. That is just on me but my full bank too and that costs more money.

I love the game, but this system to get me to go to town and slow me down is pissing me off. I just don't have time for this type of system. Unfortunately, that means a game I love 90% of the time, won't be played by me because I play to relax not to get frustrated. It's not even about money to me. If this game was free to play I think I'd be more pissed because then I'd know for sure this system would be in place to get me to use a cash shop to buy more bags.

You see, it's really not the game it's me. My lifestyle does not jive with how ESO needs to be played. It pains me a lot because I really want to play the game.

Reaching out to my guild and Twitter followers I hear comments like:

1. I have a Mule or several Mules for that. Ya, not and option for me and it sounds a horrible way to get people to make alts.

2. ESO bag space is a nightmare. So it's not just me that had this problem.

A lot of people have this problem,  but they can cope because of their play style or their blind love for the Elder Scrolls IP. I could care less about the IP and my play style obviously doesn't fit this game. It's time for me to put the game aside until I feel I have time for it or something changes.

Bye bye ESO. I've loved and lost.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Doomed Podcast

I set out to do a podcast in a sea of podcasts. I knew it would be hard to gain traction, but it seems nobody wants to hear me talk. On Monday I will post my last podcast with The River.

To date, I've posted only 2 podcasts. I know that is not a fair try, but 2 podcasts with less than 25 downloads in almost a month costing me $7 a month, isn't worth it to me. I love doing it, but I feel the 11 downloads a podcast is just pity listeners. People that like me as a blogger and want to help out. I've thought it over and over and I can't justify spending the money to listen to myself talk. I had a feeling it was doomed to fail only because I'm not even a popular blogger. I finally got in my blogging stats yesterday and to say the least, it is depressing as a 6 year blogger. My last few post have only gotten 20 or so hits even with link bait titles. The difference is, blogging is free.

I think I feel this way because of the NBI. I go to new bloggers blogs and see 15-40 comments and know I can't even produce that in hits. I see gamers starting YouTube channels with no videos for a month, but they have almost 500 subscribers. Obviously, I'm doing it all wrong. I know my style is unique, but that just means I'm "special". That's never a good thing. Maybe I should conform to the masses and write monotone blog post with information. I won't do that though, because this is just my online diary of crazy I use to entertain myself.

I see all these NBI checklists of how to blog and I feel like an idiot. No matter how long the list is I can tell you, I'm not doing any of it. I write on a phone. I have for 6 years now. Editing is a pain in the ass. 90% of my blog posts get a once over read for obvious mistakes, then I hit publish. I don't know how many NBI post I've read that tell new bloggers they have to be strict in how they write. "You need to edit, edit, edit, edit! You need to have a plan! You need to schedule your writing time! You need to go to blogs! You need to not swear! You need to engage your readers! You need to... You need to... You need..."

FOR FUCK SAKE, IT'S A FUCKING BLOG MAN!

That sounds so stressful to me. This is how I write a post:

1. Hey brain what should I write about today?
2. How about a bird?
3. Sure!
4. Write, write,  write, words, words, words, giggle to myself, smile, giggle, PUBLISH!

And that is why I suck as a blogger! I'm not a blogger, I'm a person that likes to write shit I think of. Not some checklist of things I need to do to make other people happy. I've spent years doing this and I've quit several times because I felt I needed to conform to the blogging rules, not this time. Look at my blog. Do you see a blog roll? Do you see a donate button? Do you see a fancy banner? Do you see anything besides words? No, well except the damn cat pictures my wife posted. I write for the words. I love creating pictures with words. I'll never be a writer. I'll never be a popular blogger. I'll never be anything but a guy that writes words. I don't want any of those things. I just want to create pictures with words that make me smile. The technical crap and the stress of being a "blogger" can fuck off.

Don't take my advice if you want to be a blogger. I'm not what people expect out of one.

I've been called "The Drunk Uncle"  of blogging, good! Day in and day out for over 20 years I've worn a uniform, carried a gun, trained to survive torture, lived by rules, regulations, and not questioned a single one. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I've never done drugs and my life is dedicated to my family. If I can take an hour a day to write something to relax, I'll do it. Writing is my drug. It let's me discover new worlds with no boundaries. I can create anything with words. If people are offended by what I write or disgusted, oh fucking well don't read my world then. I need this like I need gaming. It gives me a chance to explore my mind. To me, that is what blogging is about. Not some strict checklist to please others.

That said, blogging is free. YouTube is free and streaming is free. I will do all this things because it doesn't financially obligate me to hope people like me enough to quantify my time, effort, and money. Ya I think it's sad I won't be podcasting, but it seems only I enjoyed it. I've thrown my name out there to podcast with other people, but they ignore me. To me that means I'm not good enough to grace their podcast. If I'm not good enough for them, then maybe I should look at what I'm doing and quit. It's like the guild leader in a guild of 1. Technically you are a guild leader, but you have no friends.

The River is like my best blogging friend in the world. We've spent over 4 years throwing around the idea of podcasting. I finally did it and failed. I'm not going out without a bang though. On Monday my podcast will be different. It will talk about past games, but it will not be a strict 15 minutes. I want to spend time with River to say some shit. I hope you listen to it, but I'm not counting on more than 11 downloads.

Thanks for reading. I'm done with this boring strict blogging shit, back to your regularly scheduled Drunk Uncle.

PS. 0 editing and it shows. 0 give a shit too.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

My Dog Died and Wildstar Was There to Lift My Spirits!

Last week I was walking my dog down a busy street to break in my new Timberland boots, when a school bus full of children took him out. As my dogs lifeless body slid down the street like a bear skin rug on a moist Slip-N-Slide, I noticed his entrails on my new boots. A massive wave on anger rolled over me because I knew my boots were ruined forever. I wasn't mad at my dog or the careless bus driver puking on a 4th grader, I was mad at myself for dropping the leash in favor of my boots. How did I get so jaded and materialistic? What happened to me over the years to favor things over a living, breathing, being?

Yesterday I discovered, I never owned a dog and I don't like boots very much. I don't think I'd ever buy boots because they are so hard to break in. I'd probably need to get a dog just to wear the boots. I don't want a dog though. I'm afraid he'll get hit by a bus when I'm walking him to break in my boots.

Anyways, I looked deep inside myself and searched for answers to this revelation. I needed to understand the meaning of this searing pain in my heart. I needed to know why I was so jaded towards other people and their pets. Well, mainly towards other people. I needed to spend the day meditating on this, but unfortunately I had work and stuff to do after work so never got a chance to meditate. By the time I really got a chance to sit down and think about my situation, it was time for bed and I didn't want to deal with anymore crap for the day. It's always best to sleep on an enlightening moment in hopes it is forgotten in the morning. So, I slept.

This morning I woke up tired and beat down. I know my lack of sleep was due to my soul constantly tugging me awake at night to talk things out. Of course, I was in no mood to talk to that asshole until the morning. We had several pillow fights and my neck got a pinched nerve from all the tossing and turning. In the end I awoke like a man splashed with acid after shave. That and I had to pee really bad.

As I rushed to the bathroom and almost kicked the cat in my selfish state, I stopped dead in my tracks realizing what happened a week ago with my fake dog. I almost ran my cat over like a bus filled with pee, not people. Grief washed over me as urine warmed my thighs and pooled around my feet. I knew then when the warm yellow liquid, not meant for popcorn, I was a horrible member of the Wildstar community.

More grief washed over me and I fell to my knees splashing piss like Michael Jackson splashing in puddles in his Bad video. I too, felt bad and I should've just beat it, but I was in no mood and I already had a mess to clean up. I had to clean up the mess I made with the Wildstar community. That is why I'm now writing this apology post. I need to right my wrongs and tell my story. Tell you all why I'm such a horrible person and I only meant what was best for me in the end.

FLASHBACK TO THE ANNOUNCEMENT  OF WILDSTAR YEARS AND YEARS AGO...

I remember the day I first heard about Wildstar like it was the day after yesterday. I'm not sure when it was or exactly what I was thinking at the time, but it's all foggy and muddled up in my mind now. I remember the game was called Wildstar and I wanted to play it as soon as it was in beta, maybe sooner if I could. Sooner is always better.

I was excited for the game and I knew it was an MMO I wanted to play. Of course, I play all the MMOs, but I really wanted to play Wildstar. I remember their humor like it was my own humor, but with less swearing. I had the urge to reach out to Carbine Studios for a fun interview. They ignored me. I started a new Twitter handle and started writing fan fiction for the community. They ignored me. Quickly I became angry as a saw new people starting up Twitter accounts gaining followers by the dozens a day. They all skyrocketed to thousands of followers and I was left at 100. My heart sank further and I became jaded towards the community. I blamed them for my lack of commitment to the community and the game.

ENTER A WEEK AGO WITHOUT A DOG OR BOOTS...

My anger festered and popped in a molten bust of puss and hair. I couldn't take being ignored anymore, so I blamed them. They ignored me. I was out of options, so I bought some new boots and took my dog for a walk knowing I would return home without a dog or boots. I would return home to silence and darkness in my heart. I had nothing left to give to a community I really didn't have the time to give anything to in the first place.

You see, I love Wildstar with all my heart for at least 30 days. As an old gamer with 3 kids, 2 cat, a hot wife, a demanding job, a rock hard body with rippling muscles, a female friend that constantly wants to have sex with me, back problems, insomnia, other MMOs, a blog, a podcast, and other things that add up to ridiculous excuses, I realized I never gave 100,% to Wildstar like those other guys with 1,000's of followers. It was my own fault I wasn't an upstanding member of the Wildstar community and nobody knew my  name, Norm!

Here I sit crying knowing my name will never be immortalized in Wildstar. There will never be a mount called "The Scarybooster". Man, I wish I could be mounted and rode hard from quest hub to quest hub. It will never happen though because I don't like boots.

You see, the dog, the boots, and Wildstar are all the same. I never gave any of it a chance enough to become a great member of the community. It is my fault and my selfishness overtook my love and care for the game. I threw away everything I ever stood for just for attention I will never receive. And for that Wildstar community, I am sorry.

Unfortunately, there is nothing left for me to do, but apologize and disappear into the mist littered with gorillas. I will never be the Silverback or the Silverback's go-to-gal. I will just be me and silently enjoy the game. I will try to help others and bring joy to those playing for the first 30 days, but you will not know me as a great leader. I am ashamed I wasn't a better person to you all.

I hope you all forgive me for my selfish ignorance. I hope Wildstar brings a smile to your face everyday you play it, as the developers meant it to. You see, it's not about the dog, the boots, the messed up bus front grill with chunks of meat hanging from it, or even the bloody street some minimum wage city worker is going to have to clean up after maggots start to eat the carcass, it's about the children. It's about how they'll be affected for the rest of their life if they don't get to enjoy Wildstar and it's beautiful community. I don't want to be that guy to show them Nexus can be a bad place with selfish people like me.

I'm ashamed and from now on I'll be more positive and show the community I'm here for them when I'm not busy. Thank you for reading I love you all very much, figuratively like the dog and the boots.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

It Is Your Fault MMOs are Single Player Games! Stop Blaming The Game.

My father said to me when I was a pimple faced teenager, "Son... You choose to react to what others say the way you want to. They do not force you to do or feel anything. It's your choice."

I cried for an hour and ran away screaming, "YOU HATE ME!"

Used time and time again is the saying, "You see the glass half full or half empty Daniel Son. It's up to you young padawan to choose your path."

In MMOs we choose to make them single player games. Yes, they could have systems like mentoring or down leveling to assist players in MMOing, but let's be real, most people won't use those systems anyways. It's easier to complain an MMO is a "single player" game made into an MMO to suck our bank's dry.

Wait... Let me finish before you run to the comments and give up on interacting with me and others before you even insert your name in the first field. Yup, blogs are dead for the same reason MMOs are single player games. You!

The story continues...

For the past 5-6 years MMOs have been becoming more and more single player games or as the elite say, "Carebear for casuals". Oh, that's a good guild name! Even though the games have the old systems that made MMOs so multiplayer, they've added systems to make grouping easier. Unfortunately, those systems make it easier to be less social. Again, we are back to glasses half full or half empty. However you look at MMOs and their features there are going to be downsides to all of them.

Everquest 2 has a mentoring system to help people group with lower level people. GW2 has a down leveling system for the same reason. Still, people do not socialize or make the game more multiplayer. They're selfish and do what it takes to achieve their goals in their single player game. So why don't new games add these "must have"  mentoring systems everybody wants so bad? I'm guessing the negative in implementing it at launch is greater than the positive. Why not just do away with levels? In essence, GW2 and The Secret World really don't need levels, but if they totally went away with levels people would lack the push to move forward in the game. Levels add an easy goal to keep people engaged or if you want to be negative, it keeps them tugging at your wallet. When do most people quit playing an MMO? That's right, level cap. Not because of the lack of content, but because the lack of, "now what the hell do I do?" Umm you could socialize and do group things... Naaa too hard. People are asshats. There isn't BLANK system... Ect ect excuse excuse... Your fault!

I make it a point when I log into an MMO to socialize with my guild. You know what? Most of the time nobody responds to me. They're too busy doing their thing. Oh, I've been told it's because they're just in a voice chat, so I boot up the preferred voice chat and nobody. I even ask if people are using it because I get 0 conversation back. Still, nothing! No its not my guild. I'm talking a span of games over 6 years and several highly active guilds, even in WoW. Nobody chats anymore. MMOs are single player games because of us not a lack of features to hold our hands. We are at fault for the lack of M in the MMO. Not the fist M but the second M.

No matter how hard a new MMO tries to be multiplayer, it will only ever make it half empty. You are the only one that can make the glass half full.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Why O Why Did I Pre-order Wildstar?!?!

Last night I did the deed, I refused my wife sex to pre-order Wildstar. What the hell was I thinking?!?!

I'm just kidding. My wife and I were like 2 Chuas fighting over the last slice of rowsdower bacon strip. And in normal human adult terms that translates to: I pre-ordered Wildstar, we went to bed, and as I leaned over to kiss her good night, my penis touched her leg and her breasts grazed my hand. Then, we slept great exhausted from our thought of going further than that. Sorry, but being intimate during the week is like guild events during the week lasting until 12am , I just don't have the energy for that.

Trust me you youngins, you get to my age and raiding becomes a chore if done during the week. If I stayed up that late raiding panties or a dragon with halitosis, I wouldn't recover for months. I wish I was as resilient as I used to be, but I'm not. I have pains, insomnia at times, children barfing on the cats, the cats barfing on the children, and my balls forgotten for months at a time; staying up late to play a video game is the last thing I need.

That being said, one of the things that interests me the most about Wildstar is the raiding. It also pissed me off the most. Over the last few months I've been going back and forth about buying Wildstar for various reasons to include raiding. In the end I made a list of why I wanted to play it and why I didn't. Obviously, the WANT exceed the NOT and I'll show you why...

WANT:

1. RAIDING AND WARPLOTS: These are exactly the same to me. I need a large group of people to achieve these and as a social gamer, that makes me horny. The thought of 39 dudes and 1 woman coming... together... sweaty... loads... of loot and fun, just gets my heart pumping with excitement.

2. HOUSING: Besides the fact that I'd like to see non-instanced housing, Wildstar's housing looks amazing. All the things you can do is jaw-dropping. Why they didn't go the route of having a in-game store filled with housing cosmetics to fund the game like Guild Wars 2 instead of a pay 2 play model, is beyond me. There is so much potential in making money through the housing aspect. I'm guessing NCSoft didn't want Wildstar to directly compete with GW2.

3. HUMOR: From the first day I heard about Wildstar, the game clicked with me. I loved their stupid sense of humor. Even though it is ridiculously over-the-top at times and very childish, I can connect with it somehow. I love the fact that when I level up the sounders says to me, "YAY YOU FUCKING DID IT SHIT FOR BRAINS! YAY FUCK YAY FUCK FUCK FUCK YAY!!! fuck."

That subtle type of humor just makes me smile. My life day in and day out is serious business and it's nice to go home and let my pubes out from time-to-time. Bushy Bushy Blonde Hair Do! You know, the game might be too cartoony or not worth the $15 a month, but those little moments I spend smiling at the stupid shit Wildstar has to offer is worth the free 30 days.

NOT:

1. RAIDING AND WARPLOTS: I know deep down in my heart I won't be able to raid or do Warplots. For one, I can't stay up late enough during the week to even massage some fantastic boobies. Second, the other boobie. Third, the people I guild with are just like me, old. We have families, full-time jobs, puking pets, neglected boobies, laundry, alcohol to be drank, depression pills, lack of interest after 30 days because of the monthly payment, and we're damn exhausted from all this. It just pisses me off!

2. HUMOR: Some days the game is just too "in your face". I'm a human being and that means I get grumpy and annoyed. I just don't feel like having "Las Vegas Strip"  experiences every night. It's fun to do in little doses, but after awhile I can see myself becoming numb to it and annoyed. Now I know how my wife feels when I speak. I'm the last guy you'd think would be annoyed by unnecessary humor, but it might surprise you to know I annoy myself a lot. BALLS! Most of the stuff I write I say to myself, "Haaa Haaa Haaa... Man, I sound stupid. Why did I write that? People must think I'm crazy and gross and more crazy and nuts and and and..."

You really need to be in the mood for ridiculous humor. This game and my blog will suffer the same fate in the end because of our childish behavior. FAME AND DRUG ABUSE!

3. COMMUNITY: This kind of piggybacks humor. Because the game fosters a pompous, over-the-top cockiness, the community comes off as just plain dicks. Imagine a League of Legends community that all think they're Jim Carry. Odd to think I think this is a negative, but when I'm playing a game I'm polite, helpful, and a damn nice guy. My blog is that other guy. I know how and when to turn off the dick. You could say I'm a pornstar and the Wildstar community is a bunch of frat boys daring each other to fuck elm trees. Sad thing is, they don't know they're being dicks they think they're funny. You're not, you're a dick!

Makes my stomach turn thinking a Wildstar fan will read this. I might have to throw up on their cat. Makes me sick!

4. THE ELDER SCROLLS ONLINE: I love TESO and playing Wildstar is going to take time away from that. Why I chose to pre-order Wildstar only hinged on 1 WANT and yesterday that WANT happened. I'll tell you about that in a bit.

After thinking about missing TESO game time and playing Wildstar with TESO, I felt relieved. I'm the type of gamer that hops from game to game every month and having 2 fresh MMOs to hop between sounds a little exciting. Like an orgy. Unfortunately, that will put me behind (and when I say behind /wink) my guild mates that hop between games. That don't stick with one game more than 30 days. That are as ADHD about MMOs as I am... Maybe, I won't get too far behind double penning these 2 games?

WINNING FACTOR:

THE RIVER

Yesterday he announced he will try Wildstar, but he's not too sure about the game. It kind of sounded a lot like me, but with more ice cream.

You see, River and I go way back as bloggers. You could say we're the OG's of MMO blogging. We don't take no shit. We don't conform to the ass kissing ways. We post dafuckever we want, and some developer once gave us pieces to the same skeleton. That kind of makes us brothers in blogging. You don't throw that shit away and if your brother is going to kill some shit in a game, you stand by him killing some shit. Unless, he doesn't log in and you have time to kill some shit while your wife is soaping up her milky white, silky soft, breasts in the shower. Then and only then, we shall not stand as one.

In all seriousness, River is a great friend and his pre-order of Wildstar made it a no brainer for me. Most likely we'll just play it for 30 days and he'll go back to WoW and I'll play TESO, but it's that 30 days the Latency Lowlifes will ride again, that makes it all worth it to me.

... Oh and fuck you feminist! You're welcome River!

EDIT: It seems I was mistaken and River lied to me, by not pre-ordering the game. He never said he pre-ordered the game, but when I said River I meant Rowan. Even tho Rowan isn't like River and is way more polite, I consider him a soft OG like me. Good thing he pre-ordered the game!

DOUBLE EDIT: Soo, Rowan didn't pre-order the game either...  I'm sure some motherfucker pre-ordered Wildstar and I'll play with him! Nunyall evar evar evar have my back during a zombie apocalypse! You all be trippin my ass just because you think it's funny! Stupid Wildstar bunny chicks and gerbils making me talk to the bushes naked in front of the police station!

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

NBI Advice... NSFW... Ever...

I love the idea of the Newbie Blogger Intergalactic (NBI) league of superhuman writers.  It gives me hope blogging is not dead and humanity will be saved inside the minds of Minolta. I want to be a part of this league of extraordinary gentleman. I want to help the new bloggers, podcasters, streamers in a yellow submarine, or YouTubeites be all they can be in the Army.

Hence, I will go forth and compound a list of an undecided amount. Ahh, the joys of a 6 year mobile blogging career, my give a fuck begins and ends with the title of my post. After that, it's just all hot sweaty sex gravy poured over a juicy turduckin. You know what that is right? It's a turd shoved in a ducks ass while a turkey, chicken, quail, goose, and all its kin watch in horror. And I just put gravy on that!

Now that I've given you a taste of my peanut butter and fluffed you up, I'll pop this post out like a baby holding a jar of KY Jelly.

1. BE YOU: Really that doesn't mean shit if you're an attention whore like me. You should probably listen to my podcast it will help you understand. You'll just get pissed off if you think you're the next Tobold or River. Just relax and write. Be more like that other guy. He's a badass! Yup, I just pulled a Massively and scratched my own balls coming from my ass.

2. WORRY ABOUT YOUR STATS: That shit is like the stock market! Every time I write a post I refresh my stats page over and over until I decide to quit blogging for a month. I don't know how many times I told myself not to care if anybody reads my blog posts and I end up crying myself to sleep while my wife gives me limp dick a half-hearted hand job. In truth it's nerve wracking if you care about what you write. Stop lying to yourself and understand you blog because you require the attention and those stats quantify your worth. So refresh the crap out of your stats page and cry victory when a thousand hacker bots ping your page because you mentioned porn or WoW. Possibly, porn in WoW!

3. LOVE YOUR FELLOW BLOGGERS: Gawd, I love my fellow bloggers! Just the thought of Belghast's voice in AggroChat, Rowan's bushy beard, River in drag (Btw he is a sexy ass woman. Not so good as a man), Girl Grey's knee high rainbow socks, or Stargrace's beautiful soul, it makes me moist as a Duncan Hynes cake made entirely out of raw eggs and petroleum jelly. These people and hundreds more are what blogging is all about. The enlightening conversations I've had with bloggers like Tobold and William Murphy, would make you truly understand the shear craziness that goes into being a popular blogger. There are some serious assholes out there that have no idea who you are, but they assume who you are through your writing. Your fellow bloggers understand that one way or another and it's important to love the hell out of them and respect them.

4. READ AND COMMENT: Read whatever the hell you want and comment if you feel like it. There is no set list and there is no magic way of getting all the attention you want out of blogging. I read posts I want and I never frequently any blog. I'm a dick! Even my long standing blogger friends I don't read everything they write. I wish I could and I wish they didn't write boring post some times, but I can't read all that crap and nobody is always spot on with a post. I love them too death (their death not mine),  but I'm way too busy with myself all the time.

The same goes for commenting (which is dying so don't expect any), you don't have to comment on every damn blog unless you have ODC and the power of Christ compels you too. The way social media works today has made commenting on blogs a waste of time and a pain in the ass. It's easier to Tweet your opinion. Yes, you'll get noticed a lot faster if you do comment, but it take a lot of time. It's your time, so do what you want with it.

5. STYLE: This is the meat of your blog. I have no idea what my style is,  but people tell me I'm like a snail, but instead of a snail I'm a penis that moves like a snail. I slowly drag my sweaty balls across the Internet leaving a slimy, sticky, pungent smelling, trail of goo and dislodged pubic hairs. Yup, that sounds about right. That is the meat of my blog... Get it... meat? I just mushroom thumped your forehead with that baby!

You don't pick a style, you ooze it and sooner or later you discover that wet shit on the ground is you juicing. Some times you're like, "Da fuck is that me?"

You can either, A. Go to Walmart and buy adult diapers to cover that shit up or B. Wear a thong and let the kids play in Crocodile Ally. I prefer to wear assless chaps. People read me for my style because it's not a forced style I had to think about and plan; it's a style that just happened like sex with a $2 crack whore. You're walking down the street excited to have $2 in your pocket that is giving you a boner because it keeps gently brushing up against your gentiles, when all of a sudden, a $2 whore jumps out of the bushes and blows your wad. It's scary and you'll definitely catch a life long disease, but man, she could suck start the space shuttle.

CONCLUSION: I gave you 5 awesome tips so get the fuck out of here and start blogging! Most likely I won't read your blog, unless you comment on mine or follow me on Twitter or listen to my podcast or watch my Twitch stream or check out my YouTube channel or have sex with me and my wife at the same time. It's up to you now!

Oh and Scopique and Dragonchasers are my best buds too! Shit there are so many I love! If I forgot you please don't be asshat and say,  "what about me Scary?"  like Fuck dude! There are so many I love and wish I could link to.

Wildstar, The Elder Scrolls Online, World of Warcraft Oh My!

One day you're running though the field killing all the flowers; the next day your dead body is giving life to flowers some other asshole kid is going to trample over.

A new beautiful game is given life and it's human nature to crush the shit out if it so nobody else can enjoy it. Whether it's on purpose or by ignorant accident, people are so self-absorbed they don't care what they kill. Kill it with hate or love, it is still dead in the end.

It's a person's right to walk the path they walk and if their feet fall carelessly out of laziness, gingerly with love, or bat-shit crazy with hate, it's that person's right. Good on them for choosing the path they walk.

As I get older I've gotten more pains, seen the doctor's more frequently, and felt more and more weak inside and out. These new games spring up full of life and energy like I used to have.  The older they get the more withered and useless they become. Like me, they will die and be forgotten. But it's the journey we take not the end right? We breed to pass on our legacy and our memories.

Games are like our babies and through them we can express ourselves and pass on our life experiences. As we're parenting them through their adolescents we choose to love, ignore, or beat the living shit out of them because frankly, the baby is ugly and stupid. As a community of gamers we are the step-parents to these games when they launch. We didn't stay awake for 24 hours on launch day while the developers pushed their baby out their vagina. No! We came 4-5 years later holding a bottle of Jack Daniel's tugging at a ball of lint-yarn lodged in our bellybutton that smells like rotten cheese. As we drunkenly look down at our new kid we adopted we say to our loving, developer spouse,  " What the fuck were you thinking!"

From that moment on we decided how we're going to parent that child. Like the many flowers we've stepped on over the years, we choose how to proceed. Unfortunately as creatures of habit, we'll treat the game they way our parents treated us growing up. Of course, we're free willed too and we can choose a different path if we want. It's harder, but it could make the future of all games better. Most likely, we won't though.

In the end, you're going to be dead and that game you passionately loved or hated won't matter anymore. You're dead and most likely if you took the time to poor all your energy into loving or hating video games...

... You're like me and nobody is going to start a meme to remember you or set up a monument. We're just flesh waiting to nourish the spring flowers.